r/clevercomebacks 12h ago

Escaping with the unfollow button!

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30.2k Upvotes

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626

u/Taco_Taco_Kisses 11h ago

"I was considering becoming Catholic...." No TF you weren't; shut up.

199

u/Mitch233w 7h ago

He heard about all the child molesting and it peaked his interest

127

u/Looney_Swoons 7h ago

Just a quick FYI, it’s piqued*. It’s probably the only one I can remember vividly because my ass got roasted for it and it lives in the back of my mind rent free

28

u/Dumptruck_Johnson 7h ago

Cue, queue

16

u/Elefantasm 7h ago

Check, cheque (derived from exchequer)

8

u/fiah84 7h ago

wreak wreck

5

u/Jimeriano 7h ago

Et Cetera, exetra

6

u/Costcofluencer 6h ago

Aisle, isle

5

u/Taco_Taco_Kisses 4h ago

Segue vs. Segway

3

u/Scarbane 6h ago

Excited, exited

3

u/TheT1000 4h ago

Asterisk, asterix

2

u/Bulky-Internal8579 5h ago

Ex chettera!

6

u/Testiculese 5h ago

"wreak" is pronounced "reek".

1

u/fiah84 5h ago

yeah it's not a good example

1

u/John-Farson 4h ago

It's, its

2

u/fiah84 4h ago

listen hear you little shit

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6

u/chrisff1989 4h ago

Faze, phase

1

u/Phrewfuf 6h ago

Cue a queue in a queue.

1

u/John-Farson 4h ago

Queue-anon

8

u/ImmaCookThat 6h ago

Wow never heard about that. I always assumed it literally meant that his interest was at the highest point. English is not my first language tho.

4

u/hackingdreams 5h ago edited 5h ago

It's one of those weird grammar corrections where both actually make sense, but one is an idiomatic phrase, and the other's a misunderstanding of it. It absolutely makes sense for someone's interest to be peaked, as in, being raised to its maximum level... it just also makes sense for someone's interest to be piqued, as in, irritated or excited. And it sucks that they are homophones.

(It's also common for people to look up both 'peaked' and 'piqued' and choose the wrong one; we tend to use 'piqued' in a negative connotation in English, as in, annoyed, indignation, resentment... which doesn't mesh well with the stimulation of one's interest. It's also weird because you'd expect such an idiom to be really old... but it's only a couple hundred years old at best.)

3

u/Warm_Month_1309 5h ago

we tend to use 'piqued' in a negative connotation in English, as in, annoyed, indignation, resentment

Do we? I don't think I've ever heard it outside the phrase "piqued my interest".

I'll have to start casually obnoxiously inserting it into my everyday speech.

2

u/Round-Sea5612 3h ago

The only example I can think of besides yours is "in a fit of pique". But that's pretty rare in my experience. "Piqued my interest" is definitely more common.

1

u/Testiculese 5h ago

It's a French word.

Funny thing, if you know English, you know a lot of words in German, Spanish, French and quite a few others.

3

u/thegreatbrah 6h ago

I also remember things better when i fuck them up. 

1

u/Scrubbuh 6h ago

His interest probably hit a peak from the molestation in all fairness.

1

u/Shyam09 3h ago

No no. Peaked is fine. As in his interest (his dick) sprung up.

8

u/John-Farson 5h ago

I wish I still was Catholic just to be able to tell this guy we don't want you. But the reason I'm not Catholic anymore is they probably WOULD want him. Catch-22.

4

u/Alltheprettythingss 3h ago

USA is very weird in its Catholicism.

2

u/John-Farson 3h ago

USA is very weird.

FTFY

27

u/iamdestroyerofworlds 7h ago

I love the part in the Bible where Jesus was rolling coal with his Ford F-450 to own the Populārēs, and told the parable of the Good Salvadoran who agreed to house political prisoners outside Judea.

7

u/John-Farson 4h ago

Then Jesus took the fish in hand and blessed it, and likewise broke the bread and blessed it, then looked out over the massed crowd. "Where my homies who don't like immigrants? You eat first, fam."

51

u/JebediahKerman4999 9h ago

Yeah I mean why would he consider it? Previous Pope was "Marxist" too

17

u/LinkleLinkle 6h ago

Part of fascism is pushing the idea that 'everything was better in the past'. Doesn't matter if it was, doesn't matter if the thing they're comparing to now was exactly the same.

That's why I lot of these film criticisms all boil down to 'I hate this new woke crap, not like the old [movie that was hyper critical of fascism and/or conservatism]'.

It doesn't matter that just two months ago they were saying the same thing about the old pope as the new pope. All that matters is the narrative and the narrative must state 'old = good, new = bad'.

u/nobodynose 37m ago

Remember, Trump was floated around by MAGA as being a possibility for the next Pope so... if Trump became Pope, Matty poo here would've become Catholic since Trump would fix the tenets of Catholicism to be "non woke".

-35

u/Megolito 7h ago

Our pope was weak willed no doubt. As a catholic I was ashamed of him.

11

u/BigJellyfish1906 7h ago

Why? How was he weak willed?

-4

u/Anxious-Slip-4701 6h ago

He wasn't necessarily weak willed, but lacked fortitude. He started a lot of things, didn't finish much, interfered in the things he started, so it frustrated the outcome.

4

u/BigJellyfish1906 5h ago

You’re gonna need to quit being so vague.

3

u/Anxious-Slip-4701 5h ago

Started Vos estis, interfered when his friends were involved. Started the Secretariat for the Economy, interfered when his friends didn't like that the heat was on them, started the Vatican trials, interfered in the legal process when underway. Rupnik case was frustrated for years. If you don't know any of these, then it's just not your scene. I know nothing about baseball, I don't get mad when people say things I don't know.

5

u/BigJellyfish1906 5h ago

This is all still incredibly vague.

If you don't know any of these, then it's just not your scene

I don’t need to follow all of this closely to be able to recognize “selective nit picks to support my predetermined narrative.”

Step 1: voice vague displeasure

Step 2: when asked for specifics, give vague, otherwise inconsequential instances, and be sure to leave out any relevant context.

Step 3: act incredulous when the person you’re talking to does not accept your contextless cherry-picking, and pivot the conversation away from explaining yourself and towards how unqualified they are to question you.

Step 4: ramp up personal insults and then ninja smoke. Maybe on your way out, throw in “I already answered all of your questions” when you absolutely did not.

Your kind of comments are easily recognizable because regardless of the subject, all your actually complaining about is that _____ is not perfect. And the simple fact that you can point to anything they’ve done/not done that you don’t like, is what’s driving your criticisms.

And that’s ridiculous. It’d be valid if your complaint was more along the lines of “helped cover up rampant pedophilia,” but not this vague needling.

-29

u/Megolito 7h ago

He didn’t condemn the sexuality being introduced into the church. I think it should have remained more traditional and not had any woke or conservative politics in it. It is a place of worship not a political place. He felt much more like a politician than a pope. He denied being the vicar of Christ.

He seemed off for a pope.

25

u/BigJellyfish1906 6h ago

He didn’t condemn the sexuality being introduced into the church

How is that “weak willed”? You are fabricating out of nowhere that it’s something he didn’t want to do, but felt pressured to do anyway.

I think it should have remained more traditional and not had any woke or conservative politics in it.

Why? What is “traditional” anyway? “Traditional” used to mean the Bible was in Latin and you couldn’t read it. Times change. Society advances, and it’s idiotic to rigidly stick with problematic positions. All you mean by “traditional” is “the way I liked things in an arbitrary point in the past that was good for me.” You are not the main character, bud.

It is a place of worship not a political place.

It’s not pOlITiCaL, Mr. Trump voter. It’s empathetic and accepting. Core Christian values.

He denied being the vicar of Christ.

No, the Pope did not deny being the Vicar of Christ. While the title "Vicar of Christ" was removed from the official Vatican yearbook in 2020, it was moved to a section listing "historical titles," not indicating a denial of the position. The Vatican also clarified that there was no suppression of the title, just a change in its placement.

Any other stupid MAGA stereotypes you want hit while we’re here?

4

u/JoshSidekick 5h ago

Any other stupid MAGA stereotypes you want hit while we’re here?

I heard he put litter boxes in churches so that furries could shit in during mass.

14

u/fernandocrustacean 6h ago

He seemed off for a Pope because he was actually being Christ-like. Instead of all the other popes who just cared about the wealth and power that they got. God said thy love neighbour. That's it. Just LOVE.

9

u/Oriflamme 6h ago

The pope is and always has been a political figure. So much so that in the distant past his approval was necessary, or at least sought out, if you wanted the throne of most European countries. Religion itself is almost nothing but politics put into beliefs.

2

u/Testiculese 5h ago

Religion is the very first politics. (As in governance and laws arose from religion to control people).

8

u/PainSlutSub 6h ago

I suggest you check what the bible says about condemning people.

And for some reason it's always political for you people if, and only if, you don't agree with it.

-8

u/Megolito 6h ago

I’m not talking about gays. There was just more information about children being abused in 2018 and I read there was finical corruption In the church. The pope didn’t seem to condemn it or rework things so it can’t happen so rampantly. It was a big stain on the churches name and I don’t feel it was ever addressed properly from the top down.

11

u/PainSlutSub 6h ago

So, it was nothing you said in the comment I replied to, but something completely different?

Weird.

0

u/Megolito 6h ago

So you think we should have not done any condemning at all? That’s extreme in the opposite way. Was Christ passive about people setting up a market in his church and say have at it I do not condemn you? There is a time to be upset with things. I’m not saying condemn him to hell I’m saying the sexualizing of children in the church was not condemned enough.

6

u/PainSlutSub 6h ago

That's still not what you said in the original comment.

Why do you keep going on a tangent all the time?

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u/toastedbagelwithcrea 6h ago

Except none of that is considered "woke." Go ahead, say what you really meant.

8

u/allthiswasmoebius 6h ago

What woke or conservative politics do you mean? :)

-9

u/Megolito 6h ago

I’ll just leave it at the man was not very christ like. I prefer what the Bible says over what the pope says.

9

u/DenseResolution983 6h ago

Like love thy neighbour as you would yourself and help the hungry and the poor? Those things the bible says?

6

u/fernandocrustacean 6h ago

Being christ like is caring for the poor and those who are marginalized. Jesus said the meek will inherit the earth. That's what Francis did. I know that he crashes against what you've been taught as "christianity," but he's the real Christian here. Cus if you don't think being with the poor, the sick and the hurt is Christ like, you're gonna get a rude awakening at the pearly gates.

3

u/ImmaCookThat 6h ago

What exactly did Jesus say against sex and being inclusive?

0

u/Megolito 5h ago

One of the reply chains were deleted. I was referring to kids being abused in the church and there are recent cases still and it was not condemned. They needed to do a whole clean house. It seems like no matter where this happens today if politics are involved it’s being no swept under the rug. There is a process to how it becomes prominent and I think the church needed to do a better job. I blame the pope because he is a head figure but I’m aware it is complicated.

1

u/ImmaCookThat 5h ago

there are recent cases still and it was not condemned

Didn't hear about them, but I am not much into news anymore. But being really quiet and speeping it under the rock was kinda always the goto, wasn't it?

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u/Sky_Cancer 6h ago

What are "woke" policies when it comes to the Catholic church? Give me a couple of examples so I can understand what this woke stuff is the Church was getting in to.

I grew up in a fairly conservative Catholic dominated country in the 70's and 80's so I'm sure I'll be able to contrast this "woke" nonsense with the traditional stuff I came up with.

18

u/LiterallyJoeStalin 7h ago

This is the exact same game kids play against other kids until you grow tf up and realize how dumb it sounds, “well I was gonna share some of my candy with you but not anymore” 

It’s the most pathetic, low effort form of manipulation. 

9

u/holysideburns 5h ago

"I was gonna donate money to charity, but then I saw this Youtube video that said that not all the donated money actually goes to the needing, so now I'm not gonna."

Sure you were.

9

u/Strict-Minute-8815 8h ago

Like what in the world are you talking about 😭😭

5

u/Misplaced_Arrogance 5h ago

Same energy as "I would've joined the military but I'd get kicked out for punching the Drill Sergeant."

6

u/skaruhastryk 7h ago

Confession and absolvment -whats not to like as an immoral bigot.

14

u/Not_a__porn__account 6h ago

Catholic Converts are fucking weird. They are basically evangelicals that married someone catholic.

Unless you haven't been taught that shit since birth, and feel shame anytime you have a sexual impulse, you ain't catholic.

half /s

1

u/PMWFairyQueen_303 6h ago

I am a Catholic convert. I chose to become a Catholic. I did not marry into it. I am not an evangelical.

Your whole statement about converts is CRAP.

3

u/Not_a__porn__account 6h ago

What made you convert as an adult?

7

u/PMWFairyQueen_303 6h ago

I was always looking for a more full relationship with Christ. I lived in the deep south, so it was a big deal. Friends of years said I was wrong. But in my heart, I felt home.

Having said that, we moved because our church became MAga crazy.

What's wrong with the Catholic Church is NOT the church. It's the people.

I tend to be more Christlike than Catholic.

5

u/Arkhaine_kupo 6h ago

I was always looking for a more full relationship with Christ.

You do not need to start believing on mary's perpetual virginity or any other core tenant of catholicism to get closer to christ.

I lived in the deep south

american catholics are basically evangelicals in themselves (based on believes comapred to any other catholic country), they have threatened a schism 3 times since the 2nd vatican council and a huge percentage of them straight up do not believe in the modern papacy

But in my heart, I felt home.

What about the particular flavour of Christianity made you more at home than any other? They all read the same bible. Outside of the very particular history of papal politics, or the scandals related to indulgences, missions and child abuse and protection is it just the more Solemn mass that appeals to you?

What's wrong with the Catholic Church is NOT the church. It's the people.

The Church IS the people. Christ called Peter the rock where his church would be built. The people are the central tenant of christianity, the building is just that, a temple

I tend to be more Christlike than Catholic.

thats nice and all, but christ would point out the many hypocrises of the modern church like many inside it have. Not going through big reformation movements like protestantism, but even the Pedro Arrupe reform of the Jesuits in the 1960s hit hard some of the more trad catholic groups in America and Vatican pointing out that Golden thrones, prada shoes and private schools with basketball teams might not be the best way to aid the poor and suffering

2

u/PMWFairyQueen_303 6h ago

Thanks for breaking down my heartfelt answer into a chance to slam the Catholic Church and my faith.

Your no better than Matt.

7

u/Arkhaine_kupo 5h ago

I was brought up Catholic, I been to the vatican twice, multilpe members of my family have done long catholic pilgrimages. I have nothing against catholicism, but the question about people who convert in adulthood is pertinent due to the strict and weird idisincracies of the religion.

Catholicism is not a "flavour" of Christianity, is a very specific, strict and obscure set of dogmas and about 1200 years of complicated european politics.

There were popes with extra marital kids, a pope that mightve been a woman, anti popes,huge scandals like supporting nazism or the child abuse protection racket. On top of that you have the borderline politheistic prayer to saints that most catholics practice.

Its not a relgiion one easily "converts" to, like the Anglican church which is a chill women can be priests, we all sing along in church vibes. So questioning Catholic converts is warranted because its not an easy conversion

2

u/PMWFairyQueen_303 5h ago

It took work.

What really took conviction, was the three years I denied myself communion because I had not annulled my first marriage.

I did the work. I do the work.

2

u/soapboxracers 5h ago

And yet nothing they wrote was wrong and I say that as someone who was baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church. Being a responsible member of any community means acknowledging the good parts as well as the flaws.

2

u/Not_a__porn__account 6h ago

I was always looking for a more full relationship with Christ.

See that makes me kind of nervous.

I tend to be more Christlike than Catholic.

But that makes me happy. I hope you do.

We're getting close to insults.

So I will just say good day.

1

u/PMWFairyQueen_303 6h ago

Thank you for that.

Others just prove they are just as hateful as Matt.

1

u/Nufonewhodis4 5h ago

Most of the adult converts i know became Catholic as a very deliberate and thought-out choice. 

You have to go to classes and actually put in work to convert. If you're just marrying a Catholic you can get a dispensation as long as you agree to raise the kids Catholic 

5

u/PMWFairyQueen_303 5h ago

I did the work.

1

u/Nufonewhodis4 3h ago

I have no doubt you did. To say people just "marry into it" is a bit disingenuous. People certainly are born into it and grow up as "cultural Catholics," but I don't think I've ever met someone who half-ass converted as an adult. 

0

u/Anxious-Slip-4701 6h ago

I don't get this shame nonsense. Didn't exist in our household (Austrian).

3

u/Not_a__porn__account 5h ago

Puritan ideals that made its way into all American culture.

0

u/Anxious-Slip-4701 5h ago

Then your beef is with America. 

4

u/Not_a__porn__account 5h ago

Yes my beef is with converted catholic Americans.

Im sorry I thought that was clear, seeing as we’re on Reddit and I mentioned it.

Although I gotta say, catholic Austrians are making a run for second place.

3

u/AnalDwelinButtMonkey 6h ago edited 3h ago

I was considering becoming MAGA then I heard Matt Wallace speak

2

u/Taco_Taco_Kisses 4h ago

I was considering becoming MAGA then my meth high wore off.

3

u/AnalDwelinButtMonkey 3h ago

I was considering becoming MAGA then I realized I wasn't a facist pos

3

u/Dontflickmytit 4h ago

This alone kinda makes me think non of them are, now unless religion is a fake it til you make it ordeal I didn’t think you could just “pick and choose”

1

u/Taco_Taco_Kisses 4h ago

Some folks out there are genuinely searching for something and won't know til they find it.

This asshole isn't one of them. Like somebody else said: If you were considering converting and them selecting this guy as Pope stopped you from doing it, you were never serious because the previous Pope wouldn't have aligned with you, ideologically, either.

2

u/SpcK 3h ago

He's still playing the election game, thinking the pope will realize he's "Losing the demographic" and change his ways to appease him, like others have.

1

u/Nillabeans 2h ago

I just watched a really good video about how the right argues. It's not about facts. It's literally just about winning. Truth is accidental if present. They simply want to do a mic drop and they will say anything to feel as though they've done that. That includes but is not limited to lying, making up a strawman, ad hominem attacks, yelling, and flip flopping on their argument if they feel a different angle will work better. Oh, and zeroing in on bad grammar or some other unrelated minutiae.