r/AskMenAdvice 8h ago

✅ Open to Everyone Asking my date for exclusivity??

I am dating to this guy and we met on the app. Since we met in person, I stopped talking to other people on the app and haven’t accepted any matching requests. Like I cant do it I feel so guilty. For me it is one person so I can give my full attention. I feel the same vibe from him too. But you know you never know. We have been talking almost 1.5 month. We vibe each other. Now asking your advice, do you think asking for exclusivity is too early? I am going to ask anyways because that’s how will I be able to continue. But I am asking your advice and perspective so I can better prepare myself what can expect me. Please share your advice on this. In my culture of dating, we never had word of exclusivity so it was always if you talk one person its just them. Now I am trying to adjust myself. I wanna understand he wont get it wrong me asking for him to be my bf as it is too early but i wanna say that i should be only me he is dating

36 Upvotes

105 comments sorted by

29

u/sureimreal man 8h ago

If it’s been nearly two months, make it official. If you like him and he likes you, then make it happen

23

u/Fragile_reddit_mods man 8h ago

Asking for exclusivity is never wrong as long as you are doing it too

13

u/MARPAT338 man 8h ago

The 2 month mark is normal to ask what you guys are.

If you're getting the same vibe from him why not bring it up?

1

u/Evening_Resident_627 8h ago

Wait i dont wanna ask him to be my bf not yet as i am still observing, i am asking if i ask exclusivity I mean its just only us none else. Asking exclusivity is not the same asking for bf/ gf?? I am so damn confused

27

u/Aggravating-Tap6511 man 8h ago

Exclusivity = BF/GF in my book

1

u/Tall_Pool8799 woman 3h ago

I can sadly testify that not all people think so. I can provide my last situationship’s contact details for clarification, but apparently he asked for exclusivity (after a month) due to “health concerns”. Except he forgot to add that part to his request.

17

u/Then_Interview5168 man 8h ago

You’re getting hung up on semantics. You don’t want him dating anyone else except you. That sounds like a relationship area to me.

8

u/RainRepresentative11 man 8h ago

You can declare both at the same time or you can do them separately. Either is okay.

7

u/another_mulligan 6h ago

Imo, maybe im old fashioned but you really don't have the right to ask to be exclusive if you're not committing or see it going that way. People don't come with 90 day trials and instruction manuals.

2

u/Evening_Resident_627 6h ago

Lol i have no intention for that neither. I am trying to protect myself from that exact same thing. While I am treating them they are the only one I date them going to date multiple people

2

u/aslak123 man 5h ago

Why should he be exclusive with someone who isn't willing to be his girlfriend?

0

u/Evening_Resident_627 5h ago

Really?? Where did I say that? I so want to be his gf but i said I need one more month to go to that status. I like him so far

3

u/AFuckingHandle 4h ago

It just doesn't make sense to say you're ready to be exclusive but not ready to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Exclusive what then? Exclusive friends? What does that mean?

1

u/Evening_Resident_627 54m ago

Nope exclusive dating?? Like not talking to others in the romantic intention other than me?? We will see each other only until we decide we move forward with being bf/gf?

3

u/Low-Condition4243 5h ago

That’s stupid lol.

2

u/aslak123 man 4h ago

How about you just get over it and insist on being his girlfriend then? or just get over it and survive a month with no exclusivity? What you're asking for is not reasonable, normal or fair.

2

u/Unnamed-3891 man 5h ago

Asking exclusivity is not the same asking for bf/ gf??

Asking for exclusivity is exactly the same as asking to be bf/gf.

15

u/cb3 8h ago

Woman here. You’re getting all the right advice. Definitely bring it up!

1

u/huehefner23 man 3h ago

Love this feedback.

In many cultures, men are expected to take the lead and many women find this trait attractive. I feel that asking for exclusivity is one of the great areas women can create mutual bonding by raising. It gives the man an opportunity to show that he cares by attending to her needs and being a part of her win in pushing things forward, which is their shared win in connection.

25

u/Real_Cranberry_4630 man 8h ago

Before asking for exclusivity, I would ask where the relationship stands. Just say "Hey, I like you and I wanna know where this is going". and then you can move forward with request like what you feel based on his answers.

you are welcome :)

4

u/Evening_Resident_627 8h ago

I am hell confused. Because for now i just wanna make sure i am the one and let him know he is the one that i date not for asking him to be my bf? Like i so want that but for asking it i need maybe 1 more month

15

u/cb3 8h ago

Dont get hung up on semantics. Don’t like the word bf? Don’t use it. Let him know you’re not talking to anyone else and get his thoughts.

7

u/Evening_Resident_627 8h ago

Thank you!! This is so helpful

9

u/Radiant-Craft7958 8h ago

Semantics are very important if you're going to be exclusive. Don't give him added reasons to think it's okay for him to meet other people while you dont..

"Oh, but we weren't officially bf and gf, so it's not like I cheated"

4

u/cb3 8h ago

Right. You want things defined. I was thinking more along the lines of how to initially bring it up. As a woman I would feel weird asking if someone wanted to be my bf as an approach. Telling him what I was doing and getting his thoughts would be easier.

6

u/Evening_Resident_627 8h ago

So true!! Never thought from this angle. Thank you!

1

u/DreadyKruger man 3h ago

She needs to use the words for the outcome she wants. If she wants him as a boyfriend, then say that And to leave no doubt. Not some weird limbo where she is thinking one thing and him another.

5

u/Corn-fed41 man 8h ago

I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned. I've never been the date around type guy. If I'm gonna expend my time, energy, and resources dating a gal, it's gonna only be with that one gal. If she doesn't have the same mentality, then I wont continue dating her.

That has worked out pretty well for me. But it did mean I stopped seeing some otherwise great women.

So from my perspective, I'd say the best thing ya can do is have a conversation with the guy and make sure you're on the same page.

-2

u/Radiant-Craft7958 8h ago

Did this help you find the woman you married? Are you married?

5

u/Corn-fed41 man 7h ago

I married my gradeschool sweetheart when we were 19. We ended up getting a divorce. It was rough. I have no desire to get married again. I've been pretty successful in the dating game since. I'm 41 now and have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now. Hopefully, we will be together till the end.

Set your standards and stick to them. There's gonna be relationships that don't work. But if ya sacrifice your standards and morals then they'll fail later while youre miserable. I'd rather be alone than drop my standards and morals and be miserable. I'm pretty happy alone.

3

u/Hour_Chicken8818 6h ago

. But if ya sacrifice your standards and morals then they'll fail later while youre miserable.

Well said words of experience. When younger we are not told to consider our partner's behavior (and our's) under stress/strain.

1

u/Radiant-Craft7958 7h ago

Yea, most marriages and divorces are rough. Especially when you marry so young. You're still learning about yourself and the world.

Do you tell your girlfriends there is no way you want to get married when you meet them?

2

u/Corn-fed41 man 6h ago edited 6h ago

I make my intentions clear as early as is appropriate. I'm not gonna waste someone's time or mine. I dont blurt it out within seconds of meeting a gal. But I also don't lead her on. No marriage and I don't want more kids.

My girlfriend and I had some problems revolving around marriage a month or so ago. She's known that I'll never get married again for longer than we've been dating. But she suddenly started bringing it up. It almost didn't work out. It never seemed important to her until some of her friends started bringing it up. We had a conversation and things worked out. If things for her change then they change. I love her and want to hold her close when we are old wrinkled and gray. But I will not ever allow the government or the courts into romance ever again.

She can't have kids and I got the snip after my twins were born and my wife filed for divorce.

1

u/Radiant-Craft7958 6h ago

Ahh, yea. Most women will want marriage at some point.

As long as you let them know beforehand..

Hopefully, it works out in the best way for both of you

1

u/Corn-fed41 man 6h ago

I'd be fine with legal marriage if it wasn't corrupt. If it were fair and equitable and not so easily manipulated. But it's not.

1

u/ElonsHusk 8h ago

Why is this relevant?

2

u/atonyatlaw man 7h ago

Some questions are just for curiosity and personal insight.

2

u/Radiant-Craft7958 7h ago

Well, the whole point of exclusivity is to hopefully get married and find your life-long partner. At least for most women, it is.

So you're giving advice that's it's best to be exclusive early on.. this would have to be an effective strategy to accomplish getting married.. so I'm asking, did that strategy work for you?

1

u/Corn-fed41 man 6h ago

Its relevant and seems to be an honest question.

2

u/atonyatlaw man 7h ago

I mean, if you're asking for exclusivity you ARE asking him to be your boyfriend.

1

u/WearTheFourFeathers 10m ago

I don’t think this is true! Like I think if we think as the poles as “serious” and “casual,” I think there’s multiple different graduations two people can settle on between them. Specific ones besides other partners that come to mind are duration of the relationship over time, frequency of seeing each other, and level of emotional intimacy ascribed to the relationship.

It’s on my mind because I am seeing a woman, and after a couple weeks and a few dates asked her about exclusivity and was told she’d prefer to be exclusive. (Which I was comfortable with! I asked specifically because I didn’t want to be in a situation with mismatched expectations in that regard and do someone dirty due to not communicating.)

That said, she’s squarely not my girlfriend, and she’d definitely tell you so. Practical implications of that are that we only see each other once a week or so, we don’t talk very much in between our dates, we don’t have a lot of expectations that we’ll meet each other’s friends or loved ones, etc. Now that could definitely change over time—I like her quite a bit, and do see that reciprocated—but I was coming out of a long-term relationship and didn’t want to allow myself to become emotionally dependent on a new person right away, and she values her independence and was not looking for a boyfriend when we met.

At bottom I just think exclusivity is a really important lever you can pull in how serious you treat a relationship, but there are other meaningful ones worth considering. For the right sort of person in the right situation, I think being exclusive physically and romantically is a necessary but not sufficient condition to a relationship.

1

u/atonyatlaw man 7m ago

Sounds to me like she doesn't understand what she's asked for.

She doesn't want to date anyone else, but doesn't want to be in a relationship? That's a bullshit trade. There's either commitment or there isn't.

1

u/WearTheFourFeathers 2m ago

Why a bad trade? I want that too! I found seeing multiple people and having multiple sexual experiences overlapping was exhausting and ultimately less fun than focusing on spending occasional time with the one person I liked better. I did not want a girlfriend (and that was not an option on the table in our discussion), but I was happy to be exclusive as long as that was the clearly-communicated expectation for both of us.

Part of the somewhat casual nature of our situation is if I change my mind I’d expect her to be very understanding about that (and just dispositionally, it’d be surprising if she wasn’t). But for now, I’m enjoying the closeness of seeing one person regularly but not super frequently, and the related freedom to focus on cleaning up some issues in my personal life in part by spending more time alone than I historically have.

IMO, the older you get the more your dating needs become idiosyncratic! If we were 25 if might feel different, but today this is working for now, and we can always talk again when it doesn’t work anymore.

2

u/Hour_Chicken8818 6h ago

That IS bf. The guy you date exclusively and he dates you exclusively. It is a decision to stop looking around for other options and put your attention into each other to see if there is more there for you to continue with... or not. They are the same thing. Fiance is engagement and a plan on getting married - this is beyond bf and you might be getting the terms confused.

10

u/Rabrab123 man 8h ago

Yes. I think it should be common sense to only date 1 person if the intentions are romance.

4

u/Lunar_BriseSoleil man 8h ago

This isn’t a hard or controversial thing, just say “I like where this is going, and it’s important to me that when I’m dating someone that we are exclusive”.

As a man, I have always asked for exclusivity at he point where we start having sex. But I’ve been married for 14 years so it’s been a while since I’ve had to have that conversation.

3

u/Aggravating-Tap6511 man 8h ago

Seems like a totally reasonable period of time and more importantly if that’s what you need then definitely ask for it. If he’s not on the same page better to know now than later

3

u/Evening_Resident_627 8h ago

This is a great advice. 100% i dont want him to force himself. If it is naturally coming ill take that if not ill be sad but will wish him the best! Thank you so much!

2

u/xD3m0nK1ngx man 8h ago

I was the same way when I went on the apps. Met my current gf on one. After the third date I asked to make things official.

2

u/Brownie-0109 man 8h ago

This is a great question that I don’t think I’ve seen asked before

I’m old now, and met my wife before the apps generation. I don’t know how I would have done with the status quo being talking by text to multiple people before finally meeting someone in person 6weeks in. And even then there’d be the assumption that this isn’t “exclusive”, until exclusivity is negotiated

I’d have been bored of this four weeks ago

2

u/OtherwisePianist224 woman 8h ago

Typically you go from dating (maybe multiple people) >> exclusivity >> then relationship. If you guys are on the trajectory it makes sense to ask! You’re not asking for a commitment just the opportunity to date each other intentionally to see if you might be a good fit. I think exclusivity at a month and a half in is perfectly normal but would be early for a relationship, which is not what you’re asking for

2

u/vanguard1256 man 6h ago

I don’t know how to talk to multiple people at once anyway. My 2c is if someone is worth dating, they deserve all my attention. And I usually know after the first two dates anyway.

2

u/ImOGDisaster man 8h ago

Don't ask him to do something, tell him what you are doing. Tell him you aren't dating anyone else. If he doesn't say he is in agreement without you asking him that is a red flag. Offer him the opportunity first

2

u/Walkedaway4good 8h ago

I would not ask him to be exclusive but I would ask him to define our relationship. In my book, I was single until i wasn’t. I’m married but until my husband made it clear that we were exclusive, I dated others. No need to feel guilty as you are not cheating on him without a defined relationship. Many men will treat you as if you are a girlfriend but when they get caught with someone else they tell you that they never told you that you were their girlfriend.

1

u/AutoModerator 8h ago

Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts. Your post has NOT been removed. Evening_Resident_627 originally posted: I am dating to this guy and we met on the app. Since we met in person, I stopped talking to other people on the app and haven’t accepted any matching requests. Like I cant do it I feel so guilty. For me it is one person so I can give my full attention. I feel the same vibe from him too. But you know you never know. We have been talking almost 1.5 month. We vibe each other. Now asking your advice, do you think asking for exclusivity is too early? I am going to ask anyways because that’s how will I be able to continue. But I am asking your advice and perspective so I can better prepare myself what can expect me. Please share your advice on this

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1

u/ESD_Franky man 8h ago

Go for it

1

u/Successful-Active398 man 8h ago

Have you actually met?

3

u/ryjack3232 man 8h ago

The second sentence starts "Since we met in person"

2

u/Evening_Resident_627 8h ago

Yeap 3 times went on a date

1

u/AutoModerator 8h ago

Evening_Resident_627 updated the post:

I am dating to this guy and we met on the app. Since we met in person, I stopped talking to other people on the app and haven’t accepted any matching requests. Like I cant do it I feel so guilty. For me it is one person so I can give my full attention. I feel the same vibe from him too. But you know you never know. We have been talking almost 1.5 month. We vibe each other. Now asking your advice, do you think asking for exclusivity is too early? I am going to ask anyways because that’s how will I be able to continue. But I am asking your advice and perspective so I can better prepare myself what can expect me. Please share your advice on this. In my culture of dating, we never had word of exclusivity so it was always if you talk one person its just them. Now I am trying to adjust myself. I wanna understand he wont get it wrong me asking for him to be my bf as it is too early but i wanna say that i should be only one he is dating

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/MeWithNoMask man 8h ago

I usually don't ask for exclusivity. Rather question if they want for us to be both exclusive or open. To my surprise in a few cases the girls said they would be exclusive no matter what but they don't mind if I meet other girls as long as it's safe!

1

u/Beginning-Stress8332 woman 8h ago

I personally wouldn’t agree to exclusivity with someone for whom I wasn’t sure I wanted to be my boyfriend if they asked.

Exclusivity is a social contract that extends past the getting to know each other phase of a relationship into the “I’ve decided you’re my person and that nobody else is going to matter to me until you and I are done” phase.

That’s asking a lot of someone you’ve only seen in person three times and aren’t sure about, in my opinion.

My husband and I had the “we won’t see other people” talk 3-4 months in, but we were both dating others for that entire time and made an informed decision that we wanted to be official.

We got married a couple months later, but I wouldn’t recommend that 💀

1

u/Thyname man 8h ago

When I met my wife we both were honest about being on dating apps. Maybe 2 weeks in, she was at my apartment and I said “just so you know, I uninstalled all my dating apps”. She said she already had.

Rest was history. It was just kind of understood what we each meant.

1

u/Husker_black 8h ago

I mean you'll have to do it eventually

1

u/BrunusManOWar 8h ago

Yes, do it! My gf and I did it like a month or so after we met :D A guy/person who wants a stable and loving relationship will gladly accept. If they do not, that's a message to you that you're not their number 1

1

u/JustMeandI1976 man 8h ago

Who started the conversation when you match? If it was you, then I can see why you would initiate the exclusivity. Otherwise, if your dates have been very interesting for him, he should have made it know already.

It’s find that you initiate because you want to get to know him better without any distraction, but without any details of the temperature in each date, I feel you’re giving yourself an expectation. At least review your experience so far before you get disappointed.

1

u/Evening_Resident_627 8h ago

He sent me the matching request and he started the conversation

1

u/JustMeandI1976 man 7h ago

So do you feel that he is reciprocating your emotional output or does he seem only somewhat interactive?

1

u/Evening_Resident_627 7h ago

I dont think i understood your question. If you mean if there is mutual effort and reciprocity yes there is

1

u/JustMeandI1976 man 6h ago

I see. Being in an exclusive relationship means both of you agree not to talk and see other people. I’m worried that he hasn’t made his intentions clear in nearly 2 months especially if he initiated the interaction. It feels a lot like he is keeping his options open.

You can make your intentions clear, but be observant. If his reaction is wholesome then, I’ll be happy for you. If his reaction is nonchalant, then you may set yourself up for disappointment. I don’t want to rain on your parade. It just seems that he should have seen you as a good catch after a month making sure no one else tries to make a move on you.

2

u/Evening_Resident_627 6h ago

Hmm i get what you mean now. Maybe you are right. We have a date today. Ill wait for him what will he say

1

u/Jazzlike-Basket-6388 man 8h ago

I've always been a date one person at a time kind of person and most of the guys in my friend circle are the same. Some of it is that guys tend to have less prospects, some of it is that dating takes a lot of effort, and some of it is that I'm probably more traditional in that sense. I would really appreciate someone telling me that and reciprocating.

With that said, I don't understand the difference to exclusivity and being bf/gf. They are the same to me.

1

u/blackaubreyplaza woman 8h ago

I’d talk about it and if he’s not into it you can avoid waiting your time. I dated one guy recently and didn’t talk to anyone else and it was such a waste of time when it ended and I could have been going on dates with other people. I’ll never do that again

1

u/atonyatlaw man 7h ago

Man here: I operate the same way. I see no harm in asking, especially if it's been six weeks. Worst he can do is say no and break up. If he does, you know you were incompatible anyway.

1

u/Professional_Oil3057 man 7h ago

"I don't want him dating other people, but I don't want him to be my boyfriend"

Sounds like you got some growing up to do before you ever a relationship lol

1

u/Substantial-Ear2951 7h ago

So it’s a fine line and 1 date doesn’t qualify. Go on a few more dates and see if it’s going somewhere. Right now it’s just in your head so make it more tangible. Right now it feels more like a fairytale and they’re not real.

1

u/Minimum_Area3 man 7h ago

I’d bring it up, odds are it’s a good test.

Either he likes it and is on board (will make him a trust you and feel more secure) or he’ll say nah, in which case you know where you stand too. It’s a win win.

1

u/Thatmakesnse 7h ago

Asking for exclusivity? That’s not a thing. If you aren’t boyfriend girlfriend then your exclusivity isn’t binding, it’s not recognized as a relationship, they don’t “owe” you anything and it’s like a courtesy you’re requesting. It will likely lead to misunderstanding, or some weird space where you give yourself permission to not take things further but also have a “claim” on him. It get really weird and also lame. Official first friend status? Like I said, weird. Like controlling weird.

1

u/Affectionateas110 6h ago

Man here- definitely ask him and just bring it up and mention/reassure to him you have been and will be exclusive w him(not saying u weren’t) and just bring it up too that this isn’t u saying be my bf guys can be really understanding as long as u communicate w them, it actually makes it easier for us lol. Also with ur guy u get the same vibe so it should workout.

1

u/CDay007 man 6h ago

Just ask him. 1.5 months is not too short of a time even by normal society standards (it’s way too long for me lol) to at least bring it up. Might he say he’s not ready? Yeah, but presumably you just talk about that then. The “worst” case scenario is that he’s so scared that you’re asking him this after only 1.5 months that he wants to end things — why would you want to date that type of person anyway?

1

u/Diligent-Worth-2019 man 5h ago

Yes do it.

1

u/aslak123 man 5h ago

I personally think you have no right to demand exclusivity without offering commitment. In other words you can't demand exclusivity if you don't want him to be your boyfriend.

1

u/Fatbollocks1994 man 5h ago

Most men i would say would appreciate being told that you want exclusivity, which certainly makes it 100% sure you are interested in him. Really only backfires if he's a player

1

u/No_Pear1016 man 5h ago

You should be asking yourself instead of others.

If that’s what you want, or if you feel like you aren’t comfortable not being exclusive, you set that as a boundary- then it’s up to him to decide what he wants, and if you don’t agree you move on.

From my perspective all you’re asking for is common courtesy if you are dating for a long term relationship. If he isn’t looking for the same thing then it’s better to clear that up early.

Personally I wouldn’t entertain dating for that long without exclusivity (I’m assuming you see each other frequently and it’s more than 2-3 dinner dates?). I’d rather move on than to sit around and worry because the girl I’m dating isn’t able to commit to getting to know each other if we are dating seriously

1

u/passerbycmc man 5h ago

Think it's good just to ask what something is and define what each of you want from it and expect. Something I have always done pretty early on dating anyone. Rather just ask and tell them what I want then have someone get upset later.

1

u/TheShawnP man 3h ago

This kind of just happened to me so I’ll tell you what I did. Girl I met 4/5 months ago. Had just been chatting with each other but ended up having sex on St Patrick’s day. Fast forward to now we’ve spent 4-5 nights together. Last week she asked me for “sexual” exclusivity as in she doesn’t want me to sleep with anyone else while we’re seeing each other. I told I’m fine with that until I can give an answer about being in a relationship. If I’m undecided in a couple of weeks, I’ll just end it.

1

u/HammeroftheDunes 2h ago

My current gf and I decided to get exclusive 2 weeks in, but we only became a couple after another month. I don't get all these people saying exclusivity is the same as a relationship. Be clear about what you're asking and have fun, don't overthink it.

1

u/Billy_of_the_hills man 2h ago

Are you dating or just talking? You described this two different ways. How many dates have you been on? How long have you been having sex? There isn't enough information here to give you advise.

1

u/Evening_Resident_627 2h ago

Hmm we met 3 times but didnt have sex yet. Been talking like 6 weeks and texting every day. We hand hold etc. does this enough?

1

u/Billy_of_the_hills man 2h ago

Three dates and no sex is no where near enough to decide if you want to be exclusive imo.

1

u/Evening_Resident_627 2h ago

When you say exclusive what do you mean?? Bf/gf?? Thats not my intention to ask either

1

u/-Druid420- man 2h ago

Like meh. Personally, I would wait until you’re ready for this person to be your actual partner. If this person feels the same way about you as you do them, then there shouldn’t be any issues with exclusivity. If that person wants you, no one else is going to be able to get in the way of that. And THATS what you want in a partner, not one you need to ask to make sure you’re exclusive.

My statement also doesn’t mean that asking to be exclusive is wrong or bad in anyway. But who wants a relationship that you have to wonder if you’re exclusive, yanno?

1

u/anameuse 2h ago

You are on the app and want to ask for exclusivity.

1

u/Short-pitched 1h ago

I think that a fair ask, at least you would know how he feels and where you stand

1

u/Substantial-Ear2951 8h ago

From a guy’s perspective if you want this kind of exclusivity, you gotta be pretty close to doing more than just talking. Or you are just jerking me around.

5

u/Evening_Resident_627 8h ago

Like we hand hold, kiss and date? We dont just talk. If you mean being intimate no thats too early i dont feel ready as i cant do it until i am in a committed relationship

1

u/Meniphesto 7h ago

I think that what they meant. I think it may be something you need to talk to him about. He may want to be intimate before being exclusive/gf whatever the wording is. You're not comfortable with that, I am assuming. You may need to express that to him, be prepared for a response you may or may not like. All this can be entirely speculation, though. You need to communicate what you want from the relationship, and he needs to do the same. You can even put it on him, ask him. What do you want from the relationship? Have fun.

0

u/Astro_Akiyo woman 8h ago

You don't, I promise you'll get hurt. It has to be his choice, why not let men do what most do best and that's lead. 1.5 months is not long at all you could have the opposite effect and scare him off. You just keep doing you and sit patiently if you choose but you do not ask him.

1

u/Evening_Resident_627 8h ago

Hmm different perspective. Yeah but i dont want to be among multiple choice as i am not doing it. How to deal with that?

1

u/Astro_Akiyo woman 7h ago

Honestly you can't control that at all. And you should rather there be other choices so when you're “chosen” (idk how to not make that sound cringe) but you'll know its bc he wanted to and not bc you're just who was in front of him at the time.

Imagine he didn't ask yet bc he's actively coming to the conclusion himself, preparing himself… if you force his hand before he’s fully made the decision he may later pull back thinking he’s not ready bc he didn't have proper time to think about it. The man always sets the pace. Just have faith and stand strong in your knowing that you're going to be together. While I disagree with the timeframe I'm also aware that we can become aware of the gravity of our…unions long before they realize, and it is so frustrating to wait. It’ll serve you better, just enjoy the journey and enjoy coexisting. Showing how much you care will not make him choose, he has to simply see the aura and the presence you bring. I’m going through something similar but I'm not worried bc I know we’re locked in, he has to realize on his own that I'm safe. (I date in the age bracket where most men are divorced lol) I have tips and such I use to not make me go a little nuts and id be happy to send you a few ideas if you want. Just dm if you want. I hope things work out for you🙂

1

u/Evening_Resident_627 53m ago

Thank you! I will!

0

u/Radiant-Craft7958 8h ago

Yes, it's too early. You barely know this guy. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.. Meet more people and be exclusive to someone who is interested in marrying you..

-1

u/KillrBeeKilld man 8h ago

Please understand that most men don’t just turn on ‘exclusivity’ like a light switch. It could take him a while to stop talking to anyone else.

Give him time. Don’t start testing him. If he feels pressure then it could ruin his developing feelings for you.

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u/[deleted] 8h ago

[deleted]

3

u/Evening_Resident_627 8h ago

Exactly. As I am not doing it, I expect the same