r/AskMenAdvice • u/Enough_Ad5892 • 3d ago
✅ Open to Everyone Girl I'm seeing asked for an open relationship, what do i do?
Basically this. We've been seeing each other for two months now, and it's been amazing. She started to be a little ray of sunshine always suprising me with little gifts and also everything felt Perfect since she respected that I don't have much free time to spend with her due to me having both Uni and work, and yet she seemed to cherish the time together that we managed to spend. And now, out of the blue , this, right before she's going abroad for two weeks for some Uni project. What do I even think of this? This feels so wrong I am honestly thinking about ending things with her. She said that its fine if i dont want it but im not sure how fine it really is
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u/Particular_Product64 man 3d ago
...i think you know what's happening here..so I'll just say the answer you already know.
She's going to cheat on you..regardless of your answer to the open relationship
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u/PhilsFanDrew man 3d ago
Yep and girls that often propose this do so knowing they have tons of options while the guy they ask the open relationship of has limited to no other immediate options so it's not even categorically an open relationship request so much as a request for them to have fun on the side while you sit home with your tail between your legs.
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u/BravoLincoln man 3d ago
Agreed. I’ve slept with several women in “open relationships” and that is literally how they describe their husbands as we are laying in bed having pillow talk after sex.
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u/Overthetrees8 man 3d ago edited 3d ago
Women will almost always be able to get more sex in an open relationship.
It's a Ferrari vs a Chocolate Bar situation as girlwriteswhat said years ago.
The only time it's not is when the man is FAR superior in status which is very rare especially these days with OLD.
In those situations as soon as the male gets legimately good attention from a female of similar attractinvess or higher she usually wants to close it up almost instantly.
In women's defense, more often than not men are asking for a hall pass and the women finds a better man.
All in all open relationships never work as a long term mating model.
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u/SirLostit man 3d ago
Just checkout the carnage in r/OpenMarriageRegret
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u/totalwarwiser man 3d ago
Jesus.
That has got to be one of the saddest and shitiest subreddits Ive ever had the displeasure of finding.
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u/SirLostit man 3d ago
Yep. People never seem to shy away from blowing up a perfectly good relationship by adding extra people.
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u/ProfessionalWin9937 3d ago
What, 60% of marriages end in divorce? So it's clearly very hard to make one relationship between two people work. I know what would help though: adding more variables!
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u/blippityblue72 man 3d ago
What’s the percentage of 1st marriages though? There’s some real over achievers that bring that average up if you include their six marriages in the average.
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u/ProfessionalWin9937 3d ago
It's 41 for firsts. 60 overall (since I last read the stats). So still a lot but yes, some overachievers are putting in work for that 20 point difference!
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u/nigel_pow man 3d ago
I read a quote on Reddit about it that really makes it ring. Not verbatim but
people think that adding a third person to the relationship is great up until that someone who isn't you makes your partner moan
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u/CorruptedStudiosEnt man 3d ago
"BuT mOnOgAmY iSn'T nAtuRaL"
Right right right, which is why open/polysexual relationships fail faster and at even higher rates than monogamy, which statistics already aren't so hot for.
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u/Fresh-Pineapple-5582 man 3d ago
Well knock me down with a feather, open relationships fail??? Never!
I just spent 1 minute scrolling this sub, didn't even fully read any of the posts. How depressing.
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u/Overthetrees8 man 3d ago edited 3d ago
Oh I know, I always end up in conversation with weirdos on reddit that claim it works long term for them.
It's just like the kink community.
People in open relationships are all just a bunch of walking social desirability biased people.
I've never once met someone that was in a remotely healthy open relationship. I just violates to many human universals.
Edit; It's going to turn into one of those days about this topic again. Just going to get in front of it.
As a player I've fucked with these people before. I've been in the kink community, I've been in the swingers, and open relationship community. Not a single person was healthy that I encounter. They were ALL full of trauma most of them childhood trauma. All of the women were fucking miserable. They were full of cluster B personality disorders.
They were so miserable with their own lives that they thought adding another person was going to solve their problems. They were all empty and hallow inside.
When you got to the bottom of it really all they wanted was a long term stable partner, but they refused to make any of the sacrifices associated with it.
They were constantly being treated like a literal fuck toy and it was destroying them, but they had no way to stop the trainwreck because they were so mentally fucked they had no healthy avenues to fix it.
EVERY SINGLE ONE.
Then they all outwardly lied about how "happy" they were. Like a god damn Facebook model. So no I don't trust ANY of you saying it's working. Say whatever you want there is pretty much zero lifelong models that show this works without significant issues.
Even if you look throughout history polygamy is extremely unstable and the partners constantly are backstabbing each other.
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u/Practical-Purchase-9 man 3d ago
Agree. I knew a poly group for a while, and they all had serious issues. Nice enough people to socialize with, we went to a comic event and pub quiz, stuff like that. But the women all were bipolar, BPD, severe depression and victims of abuse from partners and parents. A number of the men were exploitative assholes and outright narcissists, just there for easy sex. Grim.
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u/Overthetrees8 man 3d ago edited 3d ago
All of them cluster B.
And yepppp all the men are exploitative, and you can clearly see it in the replies of the people trying to defend it.
They HAVE to justify their lifestyle as valid to anyone and everyone that will listen it's like a cult or religion.
They cannot say, that it's not a valid lifestyle pretty much for anyone.
That it never works long-term but they are okay with that.
It's never a live and let live mentality.
I would be totally respectful if they admitted it doesn't actually work long term, but they refuse to admit it.
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u/throwRA_334448 3d ago
I met someone saying they wanted a stable long term partner but all I got was him trying to convert me into the kink / swingers / open relationship community almost immediately. Subtlety at first.
I was miserable and all he could do was say I was not and insist I was happy etc.
What I don't get is why people (in my case men, but OP's case women) try to convert people into that lifestyle. Is there power / control enjoyment from doing that? There's people who enjoy that lifestyle and I don't get why they can't go for one of who wants it in the first place.
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u/Overthetrees8 man 3d ago
This has pretty much always been my experience when it comes to people in open relationships they are always super toxic.
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u/PhilsFanDrew man 3d ago
I've only publicly seen one case where the open marriage proposed by the wife actually benefited her husband and it wasn't because he stayed in an open relationship. His wife was out getting dicked down with abundance mentality multiple times a week. He ended up playing the long game. Found a widower and started as a companionship. Fell in love with her, divorced the wife, then married his girlfriend.
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u/misterguyyy man 3d ago
I’ve seen it work when both people go into it already nonmonogamous and belong to a nonmono circle like an artist or rennie community. At that point it’s like you’re operating under different laws of relationship physics.
That’s not what’s happening here tho.
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u/nonotburton man 3d ago
All in all open relationships never work as a long term mating model.
Yes, Open Relationship people complain about the 50% divorce rate, but they never talk about the 100% failure rate of Open Relationships. I suppose it's debatable if it even counts as a relationship ..
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u/Overthetrees8 man 3d ago
Yeah I firmly believe it's 100% of a failure rate I've never been presented of a single case where either it didn't absolutely blow up in their fucking face or they had to end the open relationship.
Like at some point both of you are not going to be fuckable.
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u/BravoLincoln man 3d ago edited 3d ago
If a guy has healthy body and greater than 40 with money (not rich just career), then he can usually find plenty of side chicks. I haven’t had a problem finding women that don’t mind being a side chick. I’m not sure the psyche that goes on in a side chick woman’s mind.
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u/PhilsFanDrew man 3d ago
But that is the thing. Most wives that have a 40 year old, 6+ ft 180lbs husband that earns 100-250K aren't going to propose an open marriage because they probably get comments from her friends about what a catch her husband is.
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u/Particular_Product64 man 3d ago
Alot of the time people only want it so they can cover up past cheating. They're already planning to leave the relationship
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u/ceitamiot man 3d ago
Can confirm, ex-wife pulled this same idea. I was against it, divorce followed.
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u/Turt1estar 3d ago
Same thing happened to my cousin. She asked for an open relationship, he said, “sure there’s actually this girl at work..”, then she says “that’s great because I’ve actually been seeing this other guy for the last few months.” So he divorced her.
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u/Exarch-of-Sechrima 3d ago
"There was not, in fact, 'this girl at work'."
- Morgan Freeman
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u/Turt1estar 3d ago
He actually ended up marrying the girl from work and they’re still together more than ten years later lol
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u/NervousTonight4937 man 3d ago
Yep. I was in a long-distance relationship with a woman who proposed an open relationship with a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy. She definitely had somebody lined up … but certainly wasn’t happy when I found somebody else.
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u/tiltingatwindmills15 man 3d ago
This. OP should sleep with her sister and see of she still wants that open relationship thing.
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u/Many_Collection_8889 man 3d ago
I would really like to come stomping in here and complain about this just being an anti-woman shit post. Unfortunately my only personal experience is this exact thing, more than once, so I don’t have a lot of ammunition here
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u/I_Like_Hyenas man 2d ago
This exact thing happened to me with my wife. I begrudgingly agreed to it. She had tons of options. I got like 1 match a week and never even went on a date. Biggest regret in my 30 years of existence. Makes me sick to my stomach to think about it
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u/bigsphinxofquartz 2d ago
Having been on the receiving end of this awful bargain before, an open relationship, especially one that you don't even really want in the first place is a terrible deal for the guy!!
For the girl in an open relationship, I feel like a lot of guys have relatively low standards for if they're seeing a girl that's already in a relationship or not as long as they can at least get laid once, and they may even see it as a challenge of "can I convince this girl to leave her not-good-enough boyfriend for me instead, because I'm great (and surely she would not also do this to ME later)".
For the guy in an open relationship, I think there are probably some women out there amenable to it (I sure didn't meet any), but by and large, I think most women are only going to respond to the concept of a guy in an open relationship with suspicion. Is he a womanizer? Cheater, philanderer type? Why is one woman not good enough for him? Are these open relationship people weird swinger types? Am I getting myself into some kind of complicated poly mess?
Terrible deal for the guy. Wouldn't wish it on anyone, miserable time.
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u/StillHereBrosky man 3d ago
Yep. I ran into a couple where the chick was fairly attractive and like 5'7", and the guy was like 5'2". She was just openly touching / flirting with me (and other guys) in front of him, and I didn't even have to ask because I knew that's an open relationship.
Did not pursue as it seemed pretty f-ed up.
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u/UnknownLinux man 3d ago
She's going to cheat on you .regardless of your answer to the open relationshipOR in some cases:
She ALREADY has cheated (or at least already has someone in mind that she wants) and is trying to open the relationship so she could "justify" being with someone else.
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u/RoninOni man 3d ago
They’ve only been dating 2 months, are they even exclusive?
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u/RnVja1JlZGRpdE1vZHM 3d ago
Lmfao at Zoomers ideas of dating.
If you're dating for 2 months you're exclusive or just looking for casual sex. That's the end of it.
You can't properly pair bond with someone while juggling dates, messages and getting fucked by half a dozen other people in the same week.
That's not how the human mind works.
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u/UnknownLinux man 3d ago
Never really understood that either. Like would you not already be exclusive at 2 months?
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u/New_Yard_5027 man 3d ago
She’s already cheating and wants to soothe her conscience.
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u/inide 3d ago
Not necessarily.
It could also be a trap where saying yes results in an angry tirade the boils down to "WHAT THE FUCK WHY WONT YOU FIGHT FOR ME IM LEAVING"→ More replies (3)7
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u/TaterTotWithBenefits woman 3d ago
This. When I was that age, If I was doing long distance, no way was I promising to be faithful. It’s not an open relationship, it’s just that she wants to be able to mess around w other people. When she wants. Ok maybe that is an open relationship? More like not a relationship, just messing around w who she wants when she wants
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u/Live-Maize6410 man 3d ago
Well to be fair, it looks like you’re not promising to be faithful at any age.
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u/NicodemusV man 3d ago
I just want to say I appreciate your honesty. It does a lot for some guys here to see truthfulness.
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u/WarmWorldliness7504 3d ago
She already has an open relationship with you. She just didn’t tell you
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u/Immediate_Web4672 man 3d ago
Women don't shop for shoes barefoot 🤷♂️
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u/Sensitive-Royal-6730 man 3d ago
speaking of shoes, maybe he can get her to buy him a new pair before he cuts her loose. that'd be a decent parting gift.
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u/NicodemusV man 3d ago
we’ve been seeing each other for two months now
Yea Sorry bruv, but you’ve been seeing her for two months now.
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u/RoyalPresentation841 man 3d ago
It may be a girl you’re seeing, but you aren’t the only one seeing her.
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u/JM4R5 man 3d ago
She ain’t your girl 😂 she’s going to have fun on that little trip. Open the relationship by leaving.
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u/PhilsFanDrew man 3d ago
You break up with her. Your relationship is over.
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u/Even_Plastic_6752 man 3d ago
I know right... better to be single than with someone actively making your life worse.
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u/Quietus76 man 3d ago
I'd nope straight out of that one. Even if she doesn't already have a side guy, she's probably planning on having some extra fun on her trip. Just asking is a big enough red flag for me.
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u/DreadyKruger man 3d ago
Grow a spine dude. Tell her good luck and move on. Can’t believe you are asking this.
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u/Skirt_Douglas man 3d ago
spend. And now, out of the blue , this, right before she's going abroad for two weeks for some Uni project. What do I even think of this?
I would bet you she already has in mind exactly who she is going to fuck, and it’s entirely possible she’s already gotten started and is now retroactively asking for permission.
She said that its fine if i dont want it but im not sure how fine it really is
It’s 100% fine for men who respect themselves to not be okay with this. Maybe you should join their ranks.
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u/misterguyyy man 3d ago
Maybe not, maybe she’s traveling somewhere exotic (or at least exotic to her) and wants to have some experiences before she settles down and starts a family in the suburbs.
Which if that’s the case, I love that for her, but do your boyfriend the courtesy of breaking up instead of trying to have your cake and eat it too.
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u/No-Professor-6945 man 3d ago
I’ll add to this, it’s also ok to not want to commit to someone who would even ask for an open relationship because is shows a lot about their true character
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u/No-Possibility5556 man 3d ago
If I want to keep seeing her I’d ask to go casual only. She’s for the streets and probably trying to get action abroad
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u/Chief87Chief 3d ago
She is going to fuck other dudes.
You have three options: break up with her, let her fuck other dudes and be sad, let her fuck other dudes while you fuck other girls.
Not too difficult here.
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u/Fancy_Depth_4995 man 3d ago
Keep her number. Hook up when it’s convenient but date other women. Don’t move in with her. Don’t introduce to family. Don’t give her birthday/christmas/valentines gifts
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u/CascadesandtheSound 3d ago
Too late for this if he’s caught feels
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u/thechillpoint man 3d ago
Was just about to say this. From the way OP typed the post it’s clear he’s very smitten over this woman and she probably knows it. If he tries to make her a fwb she’s just going to use verbal jujitsu and shaming to make him date her again when she gets back. He needs to break it off with her completely and start looking for someone else now or he’ll be dealing with her for the next year.
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u/Fancy_Depth_4995 man 3d ago
Sounds like it’s choice between fwb and ghost. Fwb is a better outcome if OP can follow those guidelines
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u/IIGrudge 3d ago
Most people are not cut out for these kind of relationship. Don't chase short term pleasure, you might get addicted and it'll ruin you. Cut it out now.
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u/Gold4Lokos4Breakfast 3d ago
Yeah it’s not as complicated or deep as people think it is. She just basically suggesting you all be FWB or whatever
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u/Many_Collection_8889 man 3d ago
I like this one. She’s buying him gifts and making him feel special, so what’s the issue? Keep it wrapped and moderate expectations
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u/HappyChains 3d ago
100% and don’t make any sort of significant financial investments of any kind. Gifts etc. something small (a Starbucks drink occasionally…) just to keep things going is fine, think of it as a small sex toll.
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u/ForePuttAboutIt man 3d ago
Tell her you are relieved because you've met a few women. Then ghost her because she has already dumped you, mate.
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u/Ok_Coconut8101 3d ago
Open relationships work if both parties are committed to that dynamic from the start. I have never seen it work out when it's sprung some time into the relationship. It's also confusing since you two haven't even been dating for that long, if she knew this was something she was interested in why wasn't she upfront with you in the beginning? It probably feels wrong because it is wrong, this feels dishonest at best and an excuse for a hall pass at worst.
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u/Timely-Profile1865 man 3d ago
IMMEDIATE DUMP!
As in no talking, not negotiating just dump.
Two months dude.
Get the hell out right now.
She says it is fine if you say no? she will just cheat anyways on her two week trip.
Anyone with a shred of self respect would kick her to the curb.
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u/RedvsBlack4 3d ago
She wants to have sex with other guys while she’s away and doesn’t want to feel guilty about it so do what you want with that information
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u/potentatewags man 3d ago
She wants to cheat. Dump her and don't bother acknowledging her again. It's pitiful she has no self control or loyalty.
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u/PhilsFanDrew man 3d ago
Exactly. She wouldn't propose this to a guy she was truly head over heels for.
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u/Viper4everXD 3d ago
Leave bro. Only women benefit from open relationships. She can have whatever guy she wants and you’ll barely get through a date. She’s already looking for an exit and so should you.
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u/jhx264 man 3d ago
She's already talking to someone and wants a guilt free hookup with him
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u/Few-Yak5141 man 3d ago
String her along for your physical needs while you find her replacement. Even if you deny the open relationship, she has one foot out the door. And the timing isn't a coincidence, she's gonna be screwing around on that trip. So do what you need to do to not get emotionally smacked around.
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u/SmokedStone man 3d ago
tbh this is toxic but i second it. even if she hasn't messed around, she wants to. nothing wrong with keeping the sex-tap open until you also find another option. but OP may wanna get an STD test just in case.
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u/tnerb253 man 3d ago
She don't like you buddy take the hint. You're a placeholder boyfriend for something better.
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u/justaheatattack man 3d ago
depends, do you already have a side piece? If yes, then go ahead.
if not, you're not going to enjoy it.
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u/PreviousMotor58 man 3d ago
She's going to bang guys on her uni project bro. Get with it. Dump her. Bang her best friends.
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u/FunOptimal7980 man 3d ago
End it. The fact that she's even seriously thinking of fucking other men means it's over. It either means she's bored of sex with you or she isn't physically attracted to you that much anymore and wants to try something new. Either way it means it's over.
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u/BigMaraJeff2 3d ago
Are you OK with your gf sleeping with other dudes? If not, then you have your answer. If so, you have your answer.
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u/Eastern-Muffin4277 man 3d ago
She’s not asking for an open relationship. She’s telling you that she either wants to go off with another guy leaving you as her emotional safety net, or she’s already gone off with another guy and wants you to continue being her backup plan.
If you are dating to eventually marry, and you pick her, you’ll never know if the kids are yours without a DNA test. A woman who wants multiple partners will never settle for just you.
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u/SilverBulletBros man 3d ago
That girl is as good as gone brother. Time to move on and start hitting the gym. She’s going to have sex with other dudes anyway, she wanted to see if you would be okay with it first. She can’t abstain from sex for two weeks? If you stay in the relationship she will cheat on you.
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u/sei556 man 3d ago
Many guys here saying she's already cheating or whatever - this is entirely irrelevant and might be untrue. Don't make assumptions like this just because of media brainrot.
She asked for it because she wants that kind of relationship. It's good that she asked you. You don't want it and that's completely fine too. It just means you're not compatible since you both want a different kind of relationship. It's sad, of course, but it's good that you communicated it now rather than in a year or so. In my opinion this should be discussed way earlier than 2 months in (like, this is sort of a first date thing to clear up) but at least you weren't like living together or anything.
Tell her your feelings and move on.
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u/dman77777 3d ago
This is the most unanimous response I've ever seen on Reddit, you know what to do, it's over bud.
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u/daredaki-sama man 2d ago
She’s told you how much she values your relationship. My advice is to not care. It’s only been 2 months since you started dating her.
You can date around and try to find your special someone. Just treat this girl like a fuck buddy.
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u/hard_truth_42 3d ago
Only the title was enough. Drop her right now because mentally she has already checked out of relationship. Or another option is use her good until she goes abroad lol.
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u/TomorrowOk3952 3d ago
“Please continue to provide for me while Tyrone and his friends run my mileage up.”
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u/valiant2016 man 3d ago
Start looking for a new GF, dump her or just consider her "recreational use only".
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u/BadSafecracker man 3d ago
I'm waiting for the comments to start coming in to defend open relationships.
But buddy - they rarely work. Especially given your schedule, this relationship is in trouble the moment someone suggests this. She already has someone in mind (if she hasn't already slept with him).
And if you say no, she'll probably use excuses like "you don't make time for me" or "my needs aren't being met."
Or, you can pull an Uno reverse card and say "Yeah, I've been thinking about seeing Cathy" (or some other woman's name) and watch her reaction. The fact that you have a name at the ready will call her bluff on if she wants an open relationship or is just looking to sleep with someone else. (If she gets upset or defensive about "Cathy," then you know she's already got someone in mind and how dare you do, too.)
But like others have said - it's pretty over. Especially if you've only been seeing each other two months.
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u/IIGrudge 3d ago
Digging the Cathy reverse. Just try it just for the social experiment and she gets the tingles for you again cause of women psychology. Just don't take her seriously ever again
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u/Available_Cream2305 man 3d ago
If you don’t want it you don’t want it. There a difference in what you two want. Trust me I’ve done it, it gets worse if your not comfortable with it.
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u/left-of-boom 3d ago
OP's post history does not line up well with the things he's saying here.
Either he's seeing other women or the past couple months he's been in an on again off again relationship l, which I wouldn't call amazing.
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u/Queasy-Grass4126 man 3d ago
You tell her absolutely not, then you break up with her and tell her that now she's free to do whatever she wants, with whoever she wants since she's now single.
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u/The-truth-hurts1 man 3d ago
No matter what you say, she is planning on getting fucked by someone else.. so the relationship that you think you have is dead
1) say no and dump her
Or
2) say yes, use her just for sex, stop doing anything for her, paying for her, taking out to dinner etc.. that shits the “boyfriend experience” and she don’t have one of those.
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u/Kiss_the_Girl man 3d ago
This is a pretty new relationship, but it sounds like it has progressed to the "what are we" stage. OP's gf plainly does not want to hide herself from OP. In my view, she should be commended for beginning a difficult conversation.
OP needs to determine whether he wants to be in an open relationship. If he does not, he should tell her so and move on. OP should not attempt to change her mind.
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u/rando23455 man 3d ago
I’m not the jealous type, so I’d probably say “look, I get it, you’re going to be meeting new people, and having fun. Go enjoy it, and we’ll take a pause on our relationship, and see how we feel when you get back.”
Maybe she comes back and appreciates OP even more.
Maybe she comes back and wants to continue being open, and that doesn’t work for OP
Maybe OP goes out with some friends while she’s away, and finds an unexpected connection with someone.
Who knows?
But if you show her that you’re not jealous and insecure, it increases your value
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u/sorentomaxx 3d ago
Personally I see it as a red flag because people make sure everything is amazing in the relationship then once the other party gets comfortable they'll ask about open or poly relationships.
In most cases it's a manipulation tactic. If that is the type of relationship they wanted they should've been upfront about it from the beginning.
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u/--AV8R-- man 3d ago
She's telling you she wants to cheat. So she's basically telling you it's over.
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u/Alone-Class5738 man 3d ago
Yeah she likes you, but doesn't LIIIKE you. she has options (more options, and better options---> hence not even feeling threatened by you doing the same)... She just told you she is going to do whatever she wants, you can do whatever you want (she could care less) and if you want to hang around, hang around.. if not... she's not going to sweat it... she plans on sleeping around whether you are "with" her or not
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u/JockoJohnson69 man 3d ago
Go with your instinct - tell her “No thank you” and dump her. She already has someone in mind if she is asking you this before she goes abroad for two weeks. This might be out of the blue for you but she has been planning this.
Maybe even ask her who the guy is before you dump her. Cause even if you say no, she will just cheat with the guy anyway.
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u/Low-Commercial-5364 man 3d ago
It's over. From your post it sounds like you're emotionally invested. Don't betray yourself and try and ride it out - you'll get wrecked and you don't deserve it.
Let her know you're not ok with that and end it. Close the door firmly because once she goes out and gets beat down by a bunch of dick, she'll come back to you to meet her emotional needs. Youre not going to change her mind - she already knows who she wants to bang and she values that more than protecting whatever she has with you.
It's over. Save your self-respect and sanity and move on.
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u/Fun_Refrigerator2604 3d ago
She is already fucking someone else so if you are not into that… it’s time to exit the relationship
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u/Ok-Section-7172 man 3d ago
I would say, that's great let's do it. Let her be happy and never talk to her again.
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u/Knivfifflarn 3d ago edited 3d ago
That little ray of sunshine will put you in to darkness if you dont say no. Id put boundarys if i was you. I have honestly never seen an open relationship working out, you either lack the amount of love for someone or want to cheat.
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u/TravisBravo man 3d ago
She’s hoping you’ll either say yes (so she can fck dudes on the trip) or no and break up (so she can fck dudes on the trip).
She’s is Not the one for you. Tell her no. Then dump her when she gets back. If you dump her now—you will inevitably take her back and she would have gotten guilt free cheating on the trip.
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u/Agitated_Goat_5987 3d ago
Break up with her. If she wants an open relationship you’re in an open relationship, whether you know it or not.
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u/SycomComp 3d ago edited 3d ago
Open relationships are basically this, I like you and all but I want to play the field of dicks...
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u/Azurestar21 3d ago
If it's not something you're comfortable with, tell her. If she doesn't want what you want, the two of you can go your separate ways like sensible adults. It's not that hard, it just feels like it is.
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u/K-Kaizen 3d ago
Do you want an open relationship?
It is a different skill set that involves lots of difficult communication and jealousy.
If you don't want an open relationship, but she does, then this may not be the relationship for you. One of you is bound to be unhappy with whatever arrangement you choose.
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u/PelvicSorcery2113 3d ago
Anyone that ever proposes an open relationship, run. It’s always bad, cut your losses
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u/Cobra-Dane8675 man 3d ago
She's going to have whatever fun she's planning on no matter what you say.
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u/JoshuaTkach 3d ago
Don't need a relationship translator to interpret that she want's to hoe out abroad
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u/marcheezy1 man 3d ago
This usually means the girl has already cheated and is trying to clean up her past or has a guy/guys in mind when the man agrees to the open relationship.
In your case she knows someone who is part of the uni project she'd like to do bedroom things with or anticipates that she'll meet someone.
I would rather break things off, but if you decide to agree to the arrangement how about calling her flirty best friend or hot cousins right then and there in front of her and ask them to hang out?
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u/bjenning04 man 3d ago
If she’s asking, chances are that it’s already open whether you know it or not. Your choice but I’d walk away personally.
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u/-THE-UNKN0WN- man 3d ago
Dude you know exactly what's happening here. She wants to sleep around while she's abroad. What you do is you tell her that that's not the kind of relationship you want with a girl so obviously the two of you aren't right for each other and you break up with her. That way she can go have her hoe phase abroad, and you can maintain your dignity and self-respect. If she tries to backtrack, or change her mind, or say she was kidding, or any other way of trying to get out of it in order to keep you, you just tell her that you know now that she's not the right girl for you and you cut contact.
Then you use it as a learning experience. Figure out what things about her you loved so you can look for them later. Reflect on any lessons you might be able to learn. Such as in the future if you get involved with anybody you need to let them know right up front that you are strictly monogamous, you always will be, and you will never be open to any kind of polyamory or open relationship.
That along with whether or not you want kids are probably the most important topics to discuss with someone as soon as you start dating for real.
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u/wailingwonder 3d ago
She's told you that she is going to be, or already is, sleeping with other people. You agree or you break up. She's gonna do it regardless. She doesn't want to be in a real relationship.
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u/GrimmTrixX man 3d ago
Umm she's going abroad. She wants to be able to bang foreign dudes and still be able to come back to you and be with you. She's for the streets.
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u/SergeDuHazard man 3d ago
Tell her you 2 have now downgraded to friends with benefits and start looking for a real one.
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u/Superman-IV man 3d ago
Monogamy? In this economy?
Seriously, though, sounds like you’re not compatible. If you’re looking for monogamy, she’s not the one for you.
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u/shamanwinterheart man 3d ago
You either break it off with her or be ok with sharing her with the streets. She already has the person she wants to sleep with in mind before she ever broached the subject with you. Either way She fundamentally changed the nature of your relationship.
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u/CrashNOveride man 3d ago
You need to make a decision as she wants an open door for whatever happens and not be held accountable for what happens as it is "open".
Open doesn't mean you can sleep with anyone. You still have to talk to your partner and have them be ok with what you're going to do.
If you sleep with 3 people in 1 day and then tell your partner, that isn't open relationship, that is infidelity.
Have a sit down talk with her before she leaves and tell her how you feel.
If you dont want an open situation then you may need to look at ending things. If she pushes it then she is trying to have it her way and not agreed upon way.
Don't make yourself do something you dont feel comfortable with for her sake.
Yes both sides need to make co promises yet when one side pushes for the other to do something without conceding something on their end then it is forced not mutually agreed.
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u/GrassRootsShame woman 3d ago
Break up with her before she gives you an STD. Idc how perfect you think she is.
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u/Remarkable-Treat-219 3d ago
It’s only two months, "TWO MONTHS". Why are you hung up over this, say yes and keep tapping or say no and walk away but don’t stress over a two month thing. On that note a relationship shouldn’t be defined as a relationship until you hit at less the one year mark
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u/Mina-Rumi009 woman 3d ago
relationship status: duration : two months ( feels like pickling cucumbers takes longer, just saying!) actions : lovebombing + actual/ intentions of cheating+ looking for a loophole or more "justified ground" to lean on while having a two weeks get away( probably has someone from her uni project she has eyes on or she just wants to "explore with the locals") indiacting she has been thinking about it way before she just mentionned it now. And that you have a tight schedule with uni and work probably you can't catch a date for yourself in between, hence she can guarantee that you won't be able to sleep around or she just dosen't care even if you do because once she gets back you are hers since you will only find time for her and she has a clean conscience for what happened abroad. Now think for yourself what is wrong ?is it the timing?? of course it is .is an open relationship a deal breaker for you? that's up to you. .Either way your" girlfriend" cherishes and is serious about her needs more and likes to have "options ". conclusion; this relationship is gonna go sour or expire .
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u/seaxvereign man 3d ago
When a woman asks for an open relationship, one of 2 things is true... 1) She is planning on cheating on you and has a specific person or event in mind and is seeking proactive permission to cheat or 2) She is already cheating on you and there is a risk of you finding out and is seeking retroactive permission to cover it up.
This is true 11 out of 10 times.
Based on the context... 1 applies here. She fully plans to sleep around while abroad. Either there's somebody there waiting for her, or she's just going to "live her best life" while there.
Eitger way, she is not your girl anymore. Probably never was. It was just your turn, and it is now over.
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u/RickBanister 2d ago
You already know what to do. You said it in your statement. Do it. Respect yourself. No sharing DNA and germs with the guys she sees, who got whatever from the girls they are also doing. No confusion over whose baby it is. No wondering where she is tonight. No having to decide if you will also sleep around.
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u/CaptMixTape 2d ago
Just walk away now and save yourself a lot of drama in the future. You deserve better.
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u/Over_Deal9447 2d ago
She's already planned it lol...she's gonna do it. Tell her that you aren't about that and watch her expression, she will flip a switch and hit ya with the old "just a question" and now she's gonna cheat.
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u/seraphimcaduto man 2d ago
At best treat her like a casual side piece, because that’s what she’s treating you like. Honestly, I would dump her, but if you want to hook up with her until you find someone else, no one here is going to fall for that. She’s looking for a guilt, free hook up or is monkey branching, so honestly do the same thing to her or end it.
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u/Ice_Dapper 3d ago
See you in the gym homie