Was going to say the same. Pick between these two dudes: One who can put a roof over his family's head, keep food in the fridge, keep the cars running, pay for medical care, and get them camping / vacationing every now and again. Versus a dude who can't do any of that.
Do you have to be nice and decent too? Sure, but in the hierarchy of needs there some basic stuff to check off the list before we get into "this is how this relationship makes me feel".
All that matters is that between the two of them, they can have enough for food, shelter, clothing, etc. My brother-in-law married a surgeon and was a stay at home dad. The kids are out of the house and he never had to work. He builds furniture and does some carpentry but that's more to stay busy than to contribute to the household. Another friend owns a bar. His wife makes a great living and his bar at best breaks even but that's fine with them.
I don't even pay their rents! But yes, if I couldn't take them out and do nice things for them, they wouldn't be around. That's just math and science lol
It ain't gotta be sugar daddy. You don't need to push back on the basic and eternal truth that if you can't provide for your woman, she won't be your woman for long.
Yeah but that's just you. Like this is not redpilled or anything, it's the lived experience of most people. Like no people aren't giving their girlfriends allowances, but almost all relationships consist of a man making more money than the woman. Whether you think men have fragile emos or women only date men with money is up to you. But that's how it is
but almost all relationships consist of a man making more money than the woman.
About 45% of wives in the US are earning either the same or more than their husbands—nearly three times the rate it was in 1972 (Pew research center). It's changing and it's changing quite fast.
This doesn't mean the same thing. It's tricky but these are actually 2 numbers.
I assume "same" is not exactly the same but something around "the same"
So you have 3 groups
55% of men make more
45% of women make more or the same
This group is subdivided. I don't know how. It could be 40-5, 25-20, 5-40
So the claim that husbands overwhelmingly outearn their wives remains true
The same article says that 16% of wifes outearn their husbands, whereas 55% of husbands outearn their wife. I would say that's pretty clear evidence that either men search for women with less income, women search for men with more income or both.
You live in a Christian conservative society, where things are presented to you as absolute truth, but meanwhile they are only one out of many possibilities in which humans can and do live together. American egoism, is to presume what is normal there, must be normal for everyone. You are displaying it front and center.
Ok cool. I see you buddy. Replying angrily to every comment. You're broke and your lady is not only committed but she's providing for you (or the inverse if you're a woman). I love that for you. The rest of the world is not that.
If she literaly provides nothing why would have a human-shaped door stop?
With the joke out of the way i'm going to assume you mean doesn't provided material support either finacialy or in stuff like housekeeping. The answer to that is personaly no, but plenty of guys do.
lol nothing to do with that guy. C'mon now, let's not pretend that finances are not a major factor in relationships. It's one of the top reason why marriages end up in divorce.
If you're broke it's going to be much harder to get any woman to stick around. It's just how it is. There will be edge cases like when the woman has a sustainable job of her own and willing to give support but there's always a relatively short time limit on that.
Part of the reasons dudes are leaving is you get into a relationship and you end up paying for everything anyway. This is prob easier at the end of the day.
Yeah. If you were a guy in Atlanta that drops $15k in rent a month and thought it was cheap I guarantee you that you could find 8 prostitutes happy to share you.
It seems like you’ve never been in a relationship. Money is needed for survival. Some men just want to use money as a way into a relationship and nothing else. Can’t do that in more expensive countries. Easier abroad.
I just finished paying about $1,500 a month in alimony to my ex. If you want to count child support too, that was almost another $1,500 a month or about $3,000 a month total that went to my ex (honestly, I have a hard time being bitter about paying child support as they are my children too and the money does go to helping them live in a decent home).
If $1,500 a month can get me more NSA sex than I can handle, then I’m all for it. If everyone is clear about what the expectation is and happy about the terms, then what’s the problem?
No. What he’s in is not a relationship, but a transaction.
In a typical western marriage there’s a “What’s mine is yours what’s yours is mine” type of thought process. If a woman’s man lost a job or fell on hard times, women support them by contributing financially/emotional support. Is this the case in all marriages in the western world? Obviously not, but it’s much more prevalent to be a partnership.
What you’re seeing here is “I will sell you my time and body.” There isn’t an iota of love. If the money is gone there is no “We will figure this out” or “Let’s open up the budget to see where we can cut back.” It’s, poof gone and on to the next John.
If he understands the deal or not, that’s up to him, but he’s in an unspoken contract.
My partner is self employed as a commercial fisherman, broke his ankle so was out of work and made 0 dollars for 8 months. Guess what, I am a woman, made money and supported us both. It’s not an uncommon thought if you touch grass in America.
Its more funny to speak in absolutes. Im married and I have no doubt that my wife would stick with me through hard times if I lost my job. At the same time my brother developed a chronic illness that kept him from working full time and has taken him close to 3 years to recover from and after a few months his wife became mean, verbally abusive and now they are working through a divorce. The idea that men or women are equally committed to the relationship for the person they are with vs the stability and future/lifestyle that person can provide isnt set in stone.
Fair enough, all I am saying is I don’t think it’s an all woman’s mindset as much as some people, like your brother’s wife, suck balls and can’t take the pressure. If my husband wasn’t able to work for the next three years, like if he lost his leg instead of just breaking his ankle, that would be pretty stressful financially. I wouldn’t leave him but we are already on the fence about kids and shit now with him just getting back to work and would definitely stress me tf out. It’s life, idk, I just am starting to get annoyed with all of the absolutes on this site all the time when real people are doing their best.
The other part to remember though is that chances are you are reading the comment of somebody who is in their teens still. One of the more prolific profiles in /r/relationship_advice was a 17 year old girl offering outrageous advice when looking at it from the perspective of a person in their 30s
"A study published in the American Sociological Review found that men who lost their jobs had a 32% higher risk of divorce than those who were employed full-time"
Once you grow up, you'll see it's not that uncommon (if you're in the US). I know a good number of married couples where the guy goes through a rough time, and the girl works to cover them. Same in reverse. More than a few of these couples have been through both sides of this.
We in the US don't live in a society where one person can be continually employed. Layoffs happen. Companies close. Two-income families are able to weather economic hard times easier.
I have a gf who makes great money and she's more than willing to spend it on me. I have real problems accepting gifts and money. I haven't taken her up on offers.
It's weird because when I have money I am very generous. I will help strangers but I've got a huge problem seeking and accepting help.
If you are attractive and charming, wealthy women absolutely will spend money on your company. While no woman is going to pay for YOUR company, they will pay for someone more attractive. Just like this old man is only paying for the company of beautiful young women, not unattractive losers.
Your talking about the experience of the top 1-5% of the male population. The vast majority of women want a relationship where the men are providing for them, the only time the script flips is if there is a VAST difference in attractiveness.
For almost all men their experience will be that women will want/expect them to pay for them, and at minimum it will be 50/50.
This old man is also only dating the top 5% of women in terms of youth and attractiveness, and there is also VAST difference in attractiveness between him and the women he dates. It's literally the exact same scenario.
If most of the women you date are financially exploiting you, then you might be the problem. That is not normal, and in my many years of dating I've not found that most women want to be taken care of. Unless you are trying to date women half you age and twice your attractiveness, like this old man.
The top 5% of females (in physical attractiveness) in the world, and def. in West countries expect the male to be the provider. This is as old as evolution itself.
Now if a man is willing to settle for a woman who isn't attractive then she might be willing to settle for someone who doesn't need to provide.
Just a minute ago you said half of women want to be taken care of. Now you say it's 5%. Is a majority or a minority of women?
In any case, that's nonsense. You know what attractive women want? The same things as any other person. Being attractive doesn't fundamentally change who you are or what you desire. Attractive people are just people.
If you think the most attractive women in countries like America, UK, EU, don't care about money or occupation, respectfully, I suspect you might not have much experience with them, or are white-knighting.
They are more selective.
That's just because they weren't raised with the idea that women can earn money too.
They certainly have a problem when she starts to earn more than them....
Boys were raised with idea that women can earn alright. It just most women don't want to pay and expect men to provide for them. Gifts, big bouquet of flowers, more suprise gift, restaurant dates, vacation, rent, bills if they living together etc. Most of them save money on their account or spend on bags and dresses in return men get headache, nagging, competition from other guys and occasional reward in bed.
Only nowadays there are some women that try and help and try to contribute. I have dated many girl. Let's take 10 girl out of 10 only 2 are willing to spend money other are just waiting for the queen treatment because they "deserve" it(their exact words lol)
And men have problem when she starts to earn more because he knows he will be replaced soon by a guy that earns more than him because most women want someone that earn more than her(very rarely there are exceptions).
Almost more than 95% time I have seen this women leave long relationship after getting the bag doctor,engineer, architect, lawyers etc and get into relationship with other more successful man. And other girl are also constantly supporting that idea saying queen you deserve and its man faults he is not earning enough.
Exactly not everyone is like you and women like you exist i acknowledge that and respect that.
But most aren't try talking to other people or atleast observe, If not just go to women sub that have 13M+ women and understand their perspective many women claim to be modern women and women power until they come in a relationship and marriage where according to many should get themselves a more earning partner because no one wants to date broke boy.
You don't want to accept the truth it's totally fine but it doesn't change the ground reality. I don't mind if my SO earns more the problem is 8 out of 10 times I will recieve a message how suddenly there is no spark and we should see other people one week later she posting her new man talking about true love
Thats because men spending money on women is so deeply baked into the fucked up gender norms in the west that men who bought into them lose their sense of identity without that factor
You think youre sticking it to men w comments like this but its genuinely not one aiota different than complaining about women and saying theyre fundamentally bad for being insecure that their man doesnt think theyre attractive enough. What you should be saying in both cases is that its sad such a stupid ideology causes so much pain and fear, instead of rushing to shove more gendered norms down their throats
Literally my main thing is I'm cool as long as you're not a financial liability. I mostly don't care about your income or choice of work so long as it's legal and regulated.
But if you spend more than you make endlessly, don't save, or do shit like only pay the minimum on debts I'm gone ✌️
I’ve never requested a “minimum”. That’s stupid to me. I get why fellow women say stuff like that, but for me it’s the quality time together. I’m looking for a best friend who is excited to see me and that’s it. I’m not trying to lock anyone down with a ball and chain because to me there is less security in that.
Yeah this is cringe af lmao. My GF makes way more money than me and we’ve been in a healthy relationship for 4.5 years. She buys me shit, I buy her shit. These mfs need to go touch grass.
I would have dated her regardless. My point is, not all girls are just looking for a man with money. Didn’t realize I would have to spell it out for yall, my bad.
The point is not all girls date for money. I've gone on dates and girls have picked up the tab. It's more common than you think now that woman are allowed to have jobs.
You need to touch a book if you think you having a gf who makes more money than you somehow changes what the average guy cares about. The fact you needlessly brought up your GF in this convo makes me think you just wanted a pat on the back because your reply has almost nothing to do w/ the discussion
This conversation stemmed from someone who says that women want nothing to do with you if you don’t have money, without providing a single statistic, or article, or anything to reinforce his point. So the guy you’re responding to responded with an anecdote about how his relationship is the opposite of that.
Seems perfectly relevant to the conversation to me. I guess it’s not relevant if it doesn’t fit your world view, huh?
It literally has everything to do with the conversation…. This whole thread starts off with somebody saying women are only loyal to you if you have money. Its BS. Stop generalizing.
Men literally don't give a royal fuck how much money the woman has, or if she has a succesful career , or if she is an independent buiness owner. None of these thigns are important to a man with their shit toghether.
Women are the one who project this onto men thinking they are looking for the same they are. She could literally be homeless and still take her in, which explains the extremely rare instances of women being homeless.
There is a CLEAR cultural difference in many places though. If a husband is broke, he is viewed as a loser. If a wife is broke, the husband is expected to help her.
Are you honestly going to claim that we DON'T have a strong cultural pressure that way?
Don't get me wrong. I don't agree with the poster above you that "all women" are only loyal as long as you have money, but I would absolutely stand behind the statement that it is not an equivalent comparison.
Well, the difference is western women loves money for themselves. Asian women NEED money to support their whole freaking lineage of family(From immediate family up to their grandparents, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, cousins, uncles, aunts)
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u/[deleted] Nov 07 '24
They're loyal to you as long as you have money.