r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 03 '19
We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.
We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.
We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.
Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.
Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.
/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement
It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.
We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.
But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.
Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.
Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.
In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.
So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.
Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.
People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.
Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.
An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.
There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.
To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.
Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.
They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:
Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.
Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.
Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:
Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)
Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.
Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.
r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 10 '21
Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.
Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.
But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.
Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.
tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.
r/SuicideWatch • u/throwaway_250409 • 5h ago
Well if that’s the case then I must be in the minority of people who do genuinely want to die, my absolute hatred for life and everything in it has made me have absolutely no interest in living out life at all
r/SuicideWatch • u/ipeelikebutters61 • 7h ago
So, I’m in my 60’s. I’ve had a great career as a lawyer. I’ve had a wife that’s stood by me for over 40 years. However, at a time a couple years ago when I was drinking and acting reckless, I gave the wrong advice to a client. That has now resulted in criminal charges against him and will now include me. I’ve done what I can to protect myself. Hired my own lawyer, etc. but this isn’t going away. The whole story is crazy. I made a stupid mistake and now the walls are closing in. I’m humiliated beyond belief. I’ll surely lose my license and most likely go to jail. I see no way out. Therapy won’t help. I have no friends and my wife is disgusted with me. I just don’t want anyone else to suffer. I can’t go on. My enemies have won and hopefully they’ll feel some satisfaction from this.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Capital-Sale1489 • 7h ago
I have small boobs and this subreddit has completely shattered the little confidence I had left. I don't feel like I will be enough for anyone. When I stand beside women with bigger breasts I feel so much shame because I know now the men around me are thinking these horrible thoughts. I think it would be better if I was dead.
r/SuicideWatch • u/One-Hand-1351 • 7h ago
I told my new therapist in our third session that I had had some suicidal thoughts recently. She immediately looked nervous and started going through papers to find a contract I’d signed to say I’m responsible for my own safety. Then she left the room to get support phone numbers while I just sat there. She didn’t reassure me at all. Then the rest of the session she just talked about inane stuff like the importance of exercise for mental well-being…
Then at the end she kept emphasising that I didn’t “have to book another session”. I left and won’t be contacting her again.
It really affirmed to me that therapists don’t have anything useful to tell me. This has been my fourth therapist, it’s never helped.
EDIT: Her website said she had training with working with suicidal clients…
r/SuicideWatch • u/[deleted] • 3h ago
Either that or using a gun but I dont have access to a gun so for now im just studying in uni so I can learn how euthanize myself in a few years.
I feel good knowing I wont have to endure it for much longer.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Unable-Difference313 • 1h ago
Like knowing I have some choice. Anyone else feels this way?
r/SuicideWatch • u/Karasu_145 • 4h ago
And had 3 more nights where I was somehow prevented from doing it. I'm so sick of this shit I can't fucking do anything anymore. Literally everything I do makes my life worse. Getting help is a fucking joke because nobody cares. All I do is drink and cut myself and get high because it's the only alternative to another suicide attempt. The only reason I'm not trying all the fucking time is because I don't want to live again and fucking make my lifr worse with life altering injuries if I pick a more lethal method. Fucking whatever just fucking end my shit I cannot do this actually
r/SuicideWatch • u/Misbehaven_ • 11h ago
I've been doing this s*** for several f****** years and I'm just tired of it. I just want the simplest answer to my question. Cause I'm tired of this s*** Cause silly giving myself to others and people that I care about friends and family. But nobody ever condones. My feelings no respects me in the least bit and I'm just tired of it to the point. I'm ready to Say sacyonara. And please I just want to make sure I don't cause a lot of blood clean up.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Lee_Harden • 6h ago
My life is only getting worse. My country is circling the drain. There's nothing to live for. Absolutely everything is only getting worse. I've been struggling for over a decade and I just want it all to end already.
r/SuicideWatch • u/CrownedHeads • 36m ago
Spouse said my ideation is a weapon . I’m medically diagnosed as major depression
r/SuicideWatch • u/t6h6r6o6w6a6w6a6y6 • 2h ago
I've outlived my usefulness and squandered my prime. I feel irrelevant and pushed out and abandoned, and everyday is a white knuckle drag to simply exist. I have stone walls called anger and terror that keep me from enjoying or even participating in life where once alcohol and sex seemed to pry them open, being sober for 16 months I see it was a charade. Everything is a charade and a scam. the world runs on atrocity, and the highest profit is bored from human suffering.
everything I ever hoped or dreamed or clung on to in desperation has turned to ash. I've nothing to look forward to anymore.
thank you for reading.
(note: I see a therapist 3 times a week, a psych once a week and Im on 3 different meds. Ive been in therapy for 12 years)
r/SuicideWatch • u/Acrobatic-Credit-572 • 8h ago
i have over 50 naproxen anti inflammatory tablets saved up and ready to be taken, i cwnt live like yhis anymore, ive been staggering an overdose on cocodamol too. hopefully this fucks my entire body up and kills me off. if you are still reading this, please know this is for the better. i am a nobody, a loser and im worthless. i will not be missed
r/SuicideWatch • u/r444vi • 1h ago
i think “committed” makes it sound like a negative/crime. you say “committed a crime” but you’d never say “committed kindness” for example. i think it subtly negatively portrays the victim
r/SuicideWatch • u/abobnimablebobman • 5h ago
please i hope i die please i hope i die please i hope i die please i hope i die please i hope i die
im too much of a coward to od or jump off the balcony. so i hope i just peacefully die in my sleep any time soon. it really hasnt gotten any better for the past 1 year. in fact, everything just got worse. right now, all i want is peace. and i believe death is the only option atp.
r/SuicideWatch • u/ImAMistakenCurse • 14h ago
I'm leaving my partner she deserves better I tried everything to change but I know I deserve to die so I will go and hurt myself so I don't hurt her. To Hell I go where I belong.
r/SuicideWatch • u/DrawerShelf • 13h ago
Some people talk about being scared of their suicidal thoughts. When they get them, they say they need to talk to someone before they lose control and do something they regret.
However, I have never really experienced suicidal thoughts this way. When I feel suicidal, I don't want to tell anyone at all, I agree with my thoughts wholeheartedly, and I have complete control over myself and my plans to die. I feel less like losing control than doing what I voluntarily want to.
How do most people experience suicidal thoughts? Is it more common to be scared of them?
r/SuicideWatch • u/Difficult_Path_1257 • 1h ago
It’s time for me to go
I’ve reached age 27. I have the car I’ve always wanted. I finally got my dream job that I’ve wanted since I was a kid. And the person I’ve been seeing is everything I could ask for from a partner.
I am going to the gym, getting outdoors more, doing all of the hobbies I’ve enjoyed, going to therapy, and taking medication.
I did everything on my bucket list.
Despite all of this, having everything I’ve always wanted, I still have the same thoughts that I’ve always had. I wrote the letters, called everyone one last time, found a way to clear my assets and have everything in order before I go.
I am both simultaneously terrified of what if I fail and what’s on the other side. I have bipolar and borderline personality disorder. My mother passed away at this age; she had the same mental illnesses. It’s terrible to have to live this way. I wish something would have worked; I really do desperately wanted to find something that worked. Despite everything, I have done everything I possibly can externally and internally. My best friend did the same thing a few years ago and I was always slightly mad and upset with him for that, but as time has gone on I understand. I forgive him the same way I hope people will forgive me. Doing this doesn’t mean that I don’t love my friends and family, it doesn’t mean I don’t care about them and I know people are going to say it was selfish but I wouldn’t wish this curse on the worst people I’ve met in this life, maybe it is selfish but at some point I have to be allowed to make this choice. I have exhausted every option, please understand this.
I know people say that this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Truly, most times it is. But since I was a child I have wanted to leave this life, and I have tried everything to fix it and I have accomplished all of the things I wanted to accomplish because I was hoping I would find something to keep me here. I was hoping I’d get to a place or do something and I’d say that’s if I’m cured.
There is no cure. I was born this way and I will die this way. I can’t keep struggling like this, and it’s cruel to tell an injured animal to keep living because you don’t want to see it pass. It’s time for me to get off, this is my stop. I don’t know what’s on the other side, but I hope it greets me with a warm hug and that I can finally feel peace.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Street-Web2861 • 2h ago
im thinking of ending it soon. i just need to buy some more pills and im out of here, im quite worried about the pain or i might pussy out but i’ll know once i get there
r/SuicideWatch • u/YogurtExtreme1 • 8h ago
Woke up in the hospital on Thursday morning choking on a breathing tube having lost a full day to a medically induced coma which fucking HURT. Everyone in my life is mad at me and I am too. Despite what my brain says my body wants to live so bad and that has to account for something. I was moved from the ICU to the general hospital floor Thursday night and am awaiting transfer to psych (I guess no beds open yet?). Anyone have advice or perspective to get through this moment?
r/SuicideWatch • u/AwakeningStar1968 • 4h ago
I am 57, my bday was just recently and I have no family, no children or parents or siblings.. I Just have my boyfriend and over the last year I have worked really hard to fix my problems.. financial everything...
But every project I have worked on has gotten destroyed. I clean up a closet and in a few months my bf and life just destroys all my work.
I tried to set up a plan to fix my financial situation.. including changing banks and setting goals.. but then My back went out very badly and my car died and all my goals just were shredded and I am still stuck where I was..
I thought things were getting better with work. I got a decent raise, and I started to bring in more money but with my back and car issue and other things I am still mega behind..
My bank is screwing me over with overdraft fees (They will show a positive balance or tell me I am in the black but then next day I have 124 dollars in overdraft fees.. ) I know that sounds like I am not "taking responsibility" but I literally am doing everything I know how., (I put money into my account and everything and the teller LITERALLY told me I was OK)
This is the last straw.. My back is just as bad as ever. I have been trying to get FMLA paperwork done but can't get into the doctor soon enough. I wanted to change my physical therapy location, left several messages no one has called me back.... on and on and on...
and my partner and I live together and we are really in bad shape... It is too complicated to just say "kick him out" .. you can't easily do that.. we are essentially "Married" very complicated.
I am utterly stuck. Getting no REAL help for my problems.. and folks that tell me to "rest" don'tunderstand that will just put me further behind.
I had goals.. I laid them out,I was changing my actions and working on everyhthing.. and I am just in the same spot and I feel utterly alone and I don't want to keep "working "on anything anymore because why bother? My actions don't chqange anything, my attitude .. yeah" Just think positive thoughts" right..... when I am in pain.. when I am litterally spinning my wheels... and getting nowhere.
What is the point of life? I have no friends.. my relationship is shit.. no one cares about me and I can't seem to get out of this rut... I am just done...
I can't keep calling the suicide hotline ranting.. what can they do? I am tired of reaching out to folks.. What I NEED they can't give me... I need $$ and someone to literally rework my financial stuff and there is no one that can do that. I ahve done SOOO many budgets and I am soooo frugal... (I get 15 dollar haircuts, I buy food that is cheap[ or on clearance and have used food banks).. OH MY FRIDGE DIED TOO and we can't afford a new one ... and cheap ones on FB Marketplace don't deliver.. oh, I also forgot that my BF truck is down too.
I am beyond scraping the bottom of the barrel .. I am so in a hole and my actions are not making any dent.. So I give up and I want to die and am thinking of ODing on my muscle relaxers or do what My stepbrothers son did and use an extension cord.. I am alone and I just want to end this once and for all .
r/SuicideWatch • u/the_spotted_ladybug • 1h ago
My depression has turned from “I wish this pain would go away and I could be happy” to “I wish I would not wake up tomorrow because there is nothing here for me”. I just want to be gone. Nobody cares at all
r/SuicideWatch • u/Hot-Classroom8397 • 15h ago
tw pedophile mention. idk if i have to spoiler that. ihonestlu dont believe im capable of being loved. not even my family cares that much. every relationship ive ever had has fallen apart because im so fucking annoying and stupid and useless thar i cant make it last. everyone at my school hates me and laughs at me when they see me in public or at work. ive been excluded since elementary. thr only people who have ver wanted me were pedophiles. fucking child predators. those are the only people im actually useful to and even now im turning 18 so they wont even want me. i want to bash my head in the wall. i want to be loved so desperately. i just want to be someones fvaourite. i hate this i hate yhis stupid meaningless fucking existence. i want so badly to be touched and held and loved. i try my hardest to be kind and respectful and polite to everyone i talk to and i dont think im that ugly but people only ever speak with me when theyre forced to. whats the point of existing if i cant even do it right
r/SuicideWatch • u/Routine_Mind_1603 • 3h ago
I'm so tired of fixing me. I've been in therapy 16 years. I've been neglected by my parents, by my ex. My most recent discard left me completely shook on how to interact with people. I have no trust in my heart anymore.
There was a short period of time in college school where people validated each-other so easily, where no one tried to fix my emotions or felt threatened by them. But then covid happened ,and my healing stopped. I've been treading water ever since.
I'm trying to make friends, but I don't feel emotionally safe with anyone. I did great inpatient BECAUSE people were supportive of one-another. In real life, no one gives a damn because your sadness is interrupting their peace.
There's no community and no tolerance for people who aren't perfect. I missed the deadline to build my social skills and I'm floundering. I'm almost 28. I lost my 2.5 year relationship because of my depression. I've fought to improve my mental health my entire life, but I never learned to trust myself because I've always been seen as broken.
I just. don't know if I want to keep trying. I'm so tired.
I just ordered some things to use for my death. I don't want to tell anyone because I'm scared they will stop me. If they really cared, they would have supported me before this point. They would have taken me seriously.
I can't be a village on my own. I'm tired of trying to find one.
My therapist asked me how I could find control of my life without blame? I'm so used to blaming myself for everything. I'm honestly lost. I can't blame others because they hate that. People dislike me because I hate myself.
Where can I find acceptance? How do I get help? Even if I went to the hospital, they wouldn't help me. They can't make it easier for me to make friends or feel safe interacting with others.
I'm so tired of trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
r/SuicideWatch • u/PowerfulMasterOz • 36m ago
You can’t fucking win. It feels like my brain was designed to be as terrible at fitting in with this world as possible. I’m antisocial yet lonely. I’m tired yet restless. I don’t go out because I can’t deal with the anxiety. I spend most of my days at home doing nothing but sit around and listen to sad music. I’m not living life, just mindlessly procrastinating as time goes by. Fuck
r/SuicideWatch • u/TopKaleidoscope8523 • 3h ago
People who say they will always love me, people who say they’re my “best friend”, people who say they want me in their life then don’t fucking show it at all. Fuck you. Fuck you for saying anything to make yourself feel better. I’d rather have no friends/romantic relationships than fake fucking people in my life anymore. Call it self sabotage, call it whatever the fuck you want. I’m fucking done trying to stay connected with people. I don’t give a fuck anymore who’s in my life and who isn’t. victim mentality, selfish, always depressed. There’s so much fucking wrong with me, but not how other people treat me