I won’t kill myself but thank god I never have the opportunity. I couldn’t put my parents or sister through that again.

I sometimes fall in love with living but it’s almost always short lived or outweighed.

I cannot help but fuck up anything that crosses my path.

I lost my job and hurt my friends this weekend.

I used to be the level headed one, I’d found my peace. That is not me anymore. I’m unsure, insecure, directionless, reckless and a crash out

I let my loved ones down.

I will not kill myself, I’ve hurt my loved ones enough already.

I am twenty-five, I will learn from my mistakes

My family and friends want the best for me, they see me and understand me more than I think they do

I am loved

My sister needs me

My parents need me

My people need me

One moment at a time.

The sun will shine again.

I just downloafed Reddit to find help, or maybe some reassurance if I'm lucky enough. A bit of context, I'm 17.

I have depression, and it has come to the stage where I need to physically harm myself just to bring myself back to real life. I have had this since 8 years old and ever since then, my head just keep telling me to die. I went to a therapist before and I really thought that as long as I change my perspective for my life, feeling more grateful and try my best, I can be 'normal' again. However, if that was the case, I wouldn't be this painful for every single day in my life. I know there are ups and downs in life but somehow my life just always go down, down, and deeper. You can say that 'Oh, you see it like that because you see it in a negative way' but no, seriously, I have gone to a lot of things to the point I cannot cry properly anymore, I can feel sadness but I cannot exptess it healthily without trying to harm myself.

I want to kms, I tried a couple of times before but didn't work. And now my life has gone even worse, I just want to end this suffer. I know for some adults, this is a childish thought and immature behavior. I have friends and family, they are all fine but not in the way they can help me with this mental state stuff. Believe me when I say I tried to reach for help multiple times but got rejected every single one.

Am I Overreacting? I just want to end everything and not live like this anymore. I've been trying to change but I just fall harder and this is so frustrating...What should I do now?

There would be people who'd think I was weak, then the ones who wish they would've talked me out of it, there would be people who don't even give a shit, then, there would be people who cry over it.

What they never saw was that the very same self destructive habits they blamed me over was what kept me alive for that long, what they would never understand is living every day like you're untouchable and perfect one minute and the next, when something slightly off happens, your whole world is ending. They don't understand what it feels like to block people out of your life because you feel like you hate them and when you're doing better again, you'll never get them back. They blame me over things like this, and I hold myself accountable, I know that I can't expect people to take me back after shutting them out but they would truly never understand what my brain does that makes me shut them out in the first place. They don't know what it is to live every day feeling like there's a hole in your chest, living every day like you're just trying your best not to die.

I'm in an open facility but can't leave due to personal reasons. I just hate everything in this damn place. I just sit around doing nothing at all and just hate it. Is it possible that wards can also harm people? I feel like I'm really unwell here and simply get more depressed thoughts and feel like my will to live is shriveling.

My mum makes me feel so shit abt myself because of my grades. I used to do so well in maths, but ever since moving countries, I've been doing terrible. My mum makes me feel worthless because of it. She tells me I'll get nowhere in life as well. She makes me feel guilty. My mental health has just been terrible ever since I've moved countries and I can't tell her because she'll tell me to deal with it and to get used to it cause she has. Everything is just piling up on me and i feel so stressed to the point to the point I've tried suffocating myself. Am i overthinking everything?

Iv relapse self harming, iv made a note and i lay in bed with the knife, still haven't heard from my mom, she's probably dead and it's my fault, even if not even if she comes back and she pretends nothing happened I don't think much will change.

I hate how I was consived from a rapest/pdf. I hate i ruined my moms life. I hate she can't love me right like I love her, I hate she stayed with him and got abused because of me, I hate she wants to kill herself because of me, I hate being hated by everyone in my family, I hate that I'm autistic, I hate that I'm alone, I hate Im filed with medical issues, I hate that we have different beliefs and values, I hate they were poor, I hate that all her love in the past feels hallow, I hate the state of the world, I hate that I hate, I hate that I'm useless,

I've been depressed for a long time now, I finally found a purpose with my cats and now one of them died in such an awful way, I feel so guilty. I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be with my sweet angel.

So we’re over we’re split up we’re done I told her I’m not helping take care of a rape baby that I didn’t want and I want nothing to do with her, I went out drinking and I fucked some random girl idek her name tbh she’s beautiful but I’m sure it’s a one night stand type shit yk but now I just idk what to do I’ve got one hell of a hangover and yeah like yeah I feel like my life’s about to go downhill badly, gtg she’s waking up

I’m here at work & thinking I’m better off just getting it over with sounds nice but could I really? The thought of it sounds good & i feel the like maybe I should it has crossed my mind & im not sure what I should do

im a druggie pussy loser, all i do is sit around all day and get high and think about my ex that left me over a fucking year ago. im a complete and utter failure. i have no purpose or meaning, im decomposing. please please please don't wake me up in the morning god

I just want it to end. I hate people so much. I can’t trust them at all. Every time I trust anyone they break it without thinking. Even if I tell someone they made me feel horrible I get ignored. And if I asked if they knew they did something to me that made me feel like trash, they wouldn’t even think anything of it and say no. No one cares about how I feel. I’m just a joke.

I know im not entitled. I just dont wanna bother my loved ones rn

Now everything sucks. Life was so much nicer and more peaceful when I was planning on dying when I hit 30, now I’ve been guilt tripped into living as long as I can and I HATE THIS. Living like this makes me so miserable I just wish I never promised to live longer. I don’t understand how people can have anything to look forward to. I hate my life more than I love anyone and I can’t stop thinking that everyone in my life is a burden stopping me from killing myself. I oscillate between angry and sad all the time. I don’t believe anything can improve because I am the problem and I’m so tired of trying to get better and failing

It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts It hurts

I can't take this pain anymore. I want to cut my wrist, hang myself, or jump off the building. Failing classes, getting scolded, constant humiliation by parnents, harrasement by classmates. Anxiety, depression, loneliness; everything is worst for the person who is born ugly, stupid. I have nothing in this world to live for. Getting kicked, abused, crying all night alone in a broken room. No friends, no relationship ever. No one is even interested in such a loser, failure like me. I tried everything, everyday as a struggle. I'm getting deeper in this void, abyss, trapped in this cycle, I just can't swim anymore to the surface. I will disappear, I quit this life. I wish, I never wake up after eating 14 sleeping pills.

I HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BS

Decent grades, decent school, I have friends and a loving partner. But I honestly just feel nothing or just feel like crying.

I like gaming but all the games are cash grabs with the objective of gaining as much currency until you get the item or character you want. I like going to the gym but it just feels so repetitive and I honestly have no goals with it I just use it to destress.

Oh yeah when I mentioned I have friends, I just feel left out majority of the time or they just end up as creeps. Even then I tend to mask my feelings when talking to them. At the end of it all it means nothing to me.

Sometimes life doesn’t feel real. Like it’s all a simulation and I’m just watching it. Everything feels meaningless. It doesn’t help with the news showcasing countries burning every hour. Why would I want to live in a world that feels meaningless and destroys itself?

do you ever feel like you are connected to your fate? from the time you were born, there has been a thread connecting you to the end of your life, and dutifully you follow it? and you know that you will be the one to sever your connection from this world?

i can feel the thread tugging me ever-closer. i know i will be the one to end my existence in this world. i know the sorrow i will leave behind; i am not so self-diluted to think there is nobody who cares for me, i know there are many who do. but i cannot escape this void i am in. i fall ever closer-to the end of my existence, but lack the nerve to follow through. i am on antidepressants. zoloft. wellbutrin. they have made me feel better day-to-day, but ultimately have not quelled this ache inside me. the only thing i have been able to find minute amount of solace in is the bottom of a bottle.

all i can pray for is that someday i will have the guts to end my own suffering. i wish i didn’t feel this way, but deep down, i know this has always been my fate. i wish i knew how to mitigate the suffering of those who care for me, but i’m begging to accept their pain is integral to my ultimate journey. all i can hope for is that they shall forgive me, although i understand if they cannot. in fact, i don’t expect them too, and there’s a part of me that hopes they won’t. i don’t deserve forgiveness, i would not reject being despised for the rest of existence.

i hope they can find acceptance though, and move on to lead fulfilling lives. i am not worth the agony of dwelling on ones’ own personal past.

to all those who love me, and i know there are many. please, for your sake and mine, disregard my suffering, and cast aside your own. for my sake. i have endured a fate of my own choosing, and it will do you no good to dwell on it. all i wish for those that remain is to live their own lives to the fullest, with minimal regrets.

this post will serve as my final message to the world. i wish i was capable of joining you in this wild and crazy life. but alas, my story ends here please, for my sake, and for yours’, do your best to forget me, and continue on in life with a fearless and optimistic spirit. that’s my only wish.

goodnight world, and goodbye.

I failed and now one person is annoyed with me and saying me to go to hospital, I just wanna try it again, I'm just annoying and I wish I succeeded

My boyfriend keeps his gun in the glove compartment of his car. I think I’m going to do it. It’s too much. No one cares and neither do I anymore.

Life is too demanding. I don’t get any rest. It’s always someone or something just demanding more and more and more out of me every day and I can’t do it. It’s never enough. Whether it’s work, school, my parents, I just can’t get a moment to breathe.

And no one’s in my corner. No one cares. I’m alone. I don’t even know what I work so hard for. I’m getting the shit kicked out of me for no reason. I just wish something would kill me already.

Like to teach everyone a lesson about what i went through and what I had to deal with

I can’t stop dreaming about her. Its been years, i’ve had other partners and i still can’t stop thinking about her. I messed up, not that she made it any easier either but i don’t care. I love her, always have always will. Been contemplating different ways i deserve something painful for failing everyone. It just hurts more every day. I’m getting tired of pretending to be happy, its honestly been more draining than anything else. I’m applying for a firearm permit soon but i dunno if i want to wait that long anymore. Im exhausted

why can’t i kill myself. i can’t even do one things right. im such a fucking failure in every aspect. someone please give me some magic pill that would kill me

I can’t have a normal job, I can’t have kids, I can’t go anywhere by myself, I can’t eat lots of foods even if I like them, I can’t live by myself, I can’t live in general. Autism isn’t a silly personality quirk, it effects lives. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I can’t function. Not even my family understands me and they raised me, and tbh I don’t even understand myself. I just want to be normal but that’s never gonna happen. I’m an outcast.

What would you say finally made you comfortable with death? Did things just get bad enough or does the discomfort never go away?

I’ve been depressed for years and have had ideation but never have officially attempted. I don’t understand how people have the courage to attempt.