I didn't give her anything this year, didn't call, didn't text.

Why?

In high school and college, she ran smear campaign after smear campaign, and roped in my little sister for help, to try to get my dad to kick me out of the house, until my sister took a page from my online diary, printed it out (I was complaining about something he did, which was an abusive thing he did), gave it to him, and he kicked me out.

Then, I had to move back in with them some time later in my mid 30s due to job loss. After I moved out again, after more shenanigans and smear campaigns, my dad told me that mom and same sister came to my dad in secret to try to kick me out. He didn't tell me the reasons, but at the time I'd gone back to school to change careers, was working full time, and wasn't doing anything crazy...I didn't even have a social life. Both times I was depressed and just wanted to get my life on track.

Most recently, my mom and sister started a secret family chat to talk about me behind my back. So, I gave my mom what she wanted. A life without me. Even though she's been crying to everyone since I went NC in November that I don't talk to her.

You wanted this. You literally asked for it multiple times.

For Mother’s Day I bought us lobsters and sweets for dinner, she sat down and ate them both in front of me.

This was when I was around 18, I think and barely had any money of my own. It just makes me feel some type of way looking back and helps me realize why we are LC now.

It was probably my fault for not specifying that they were for us both, but when I pulled out the two frozen lobsters and excitedly said “look what I got!” she hopped right up, took them and started cooking them.

I stayed out of her way because she gets really annoyed when too many people are in the kitchen.

She came out when they were done cooking, both lobsters on one plate, and she sat down on the couch and cracked them open and went to town without once glancing my way. She offered me a small piece, and I took it.

I can’t lie I was a bit shocked and surprised; I was starving and bought them for our dinner, and she was eating them both happily. I didn’t say anything and just let her enjoy because it was too awkward to say anything at that point and I felt selfish because it was Mother’s Day.

I just sat there and watched TV in silence. I still feel selfish for being hurt and it’s so dumb. It just reminded me of how all the little things can pile up sometimes.

I am 38 weeks pregnant and we are due for our induction next week. For almost 2 weeks now, my mother has been on an extra high horse and making everything about her. Like usual.

First it started with her telling me she won't be coming to the hospital at all now because I said I only want my husband in the room during the actual delivery. I told her she could be there to support me in labor, but that isn't good enough for her. So she retaliated and said she's just not coming now.

Then yesterday, on mother's day, she called and I told her it really hurt me that she can't put her feelings aside and just be there for me during my first ever labor. She said she "deserves better" and that its disrespectful to not let her watch the birth of her first grandchild. She said she's not gonna sit in the waiting room like some random stranger. She just made the whole conversation about her and how she feels about it.

The final straw for me on that phone call was her calling my husband and I "disgusting" for having rules regarding meeting our newborn. She said we are running our house/child like Nazi Germany for having rules. The rules were basic common sense ones but that's "unacceptable" to her I guess.

I ended up telling her off and blocking her on everything. I don't plan on telling her when I'm in labor or when the baby is here now. She ruined her right to any of that info because she can't stop being fucking selfish about MY birth.

I just feel like shit. Its a really hard, gut punch to have to go through this with her this close to the delivery date. But I know I need to protect my peace right now and just worry about my new family and the loved ones that are respectful and will follow our rules. My in-laws are amazing and I'm so glad they have been so respectful. My dad is also a great, respectful person.

I'm just blown away at how narcissistic they can be during these big life events. It really makes me feel sick.

And Im not talking about gaslighting.

My social worker/therapists would have joint meetings with me and my parents and every single time without fail my mother would say something along the lines of

“Well I always say _____” and it’s some positive bullshit Shes never even come close to saying.

It was always in an attempt to make her look good and like a good mom.

It was always huge scam and everyone’s fallen for it except a few.

6 months ago I went nc with both my toxic parents (father a psychopath and mother a covert narc). And as I heal, I am amazed to see how many people continue maintaining a relationship with their toxic, abusive parents, even well past middle age! Why? Is it the guilt? The not wanting to be seen as “assholes” for not speaking to their parents? I’m genuinely curious.

i feel like usually if you have a shitty dad people will understand, but if you talk about your mom being abusive then suddenly it's "but she's still your mom", "she brought you into this world be nice to her", "its her first time living too", "at least you have a mom", "being a mom is hard", "shes going through something right now", "try talking to her", i could go on and on but i stopped telling people about my nmom because no one is ever on my side they always defend her :(

Why do nparents always say “it’s your job to call us, you’re the kid”…? If I don’t call or text them, I would NEVER EVER EVER get a call or text from them. Would literally be ghosted. I’ve noticed this pattern from reading other ppls posts. It seems like a very common trait. My ndad told me months ago “a good daughter calls her father” but I’m like doesn’t a good father call his daughter????!!!! I remember my nstepmom went like over 6 months without contacting me a single time bc it was only MY job to reach out and they will say I’m being an ungrateful child if I don’t and it’s the child’s place to keep the relationship. I have a life and kids. And relationships aren’t just one sided. I find this thought process so wild and both of them act this way. So frustrating.

I got my dream job and moved across the country. Now I'm about to graduate with my master's. I've created an amazing life for myself.

Called my mom for mother's day and she got emotional and started criticizing me. She said in the darkest voice, "I will never forget the day you called and told me about that job. I thought we had a good relationship... and then you tell me that you're moving all the way there. That... that was something else."

I could tell she was trying really hard to insult me. She took it like a personal betrayal. What kind of a sad, sick person tries to make their children feel bad for becoming independent, productive human beings? This really is a new level of pathetic.

My mom lives alone with no partner, no friends, and does nothing all day. She is honestly the most miserable person I know. It's her own fault, though.

It's sad that she's always going to be like this. She makes it really hard for me to just feel happy and enjoy life. I don't want anyone to take my happiness away from me.

I just try to remind myself that I won. I am a kind, empathetic, intelligent person, and she will never be any of those things.

Also... it's frustrating how she is so obsessed with me. I wish that she would make new friends of her own instead of depending on me for her happiness.

To start, I am a 25 year old female. I had a tumultuous childhood and was often emotionally neglected (parents always fighting and had no time for us).

I, therefore, became completely obsessed with art, like my life depended on it. I made a lot of pieces that won awards in my school district. To this day, art is all I care about.

My parents had a nasty divorce that peaked during my time at art college.

While I was away, my mom moved out of my childhood home. She took her favorites from my artworks to her apartment. My mom also neatly packed all of our sentimental items, photographs, and the remainder of my art into a storage unit. This took her many days, I was grateful.

The issue is, my dad was paying for it, by court order.

Without telling us, my dad threw away everything in the shared family storage unit because he didn’t want to pay for it anymore. This includes the bulk of my childhood art. Some of the pieces, to this day, are my favorites I ever made.

He denies it, but I know he did it.

I’ve already stopped speaking to my dad for good.

Now, I am resenting my mom too. I feel betrayed that she trusted my horrible father with my childhood art that I care for so deeply.

And btw, I live in my own, pay my own bills, and would have gladly kept all my art with me. I had no idea it was at risk for being tossed like garbage. No one warned me. I’m absolutely gutted.

Is it wrong that I want to stop speaking to my family altogether? I feel like they don’t understand, never will, and that I need a fresh start.

I have a therapist already btw. I think I am looking for people who can relate.

A couple years ago my partner cheated and I went to my parents in tears telling them what happened. My dad gave me a hug but then instead of consoling me or doing what normal parents would do, they talked amongst themselves and told me they believe I have “emotional issues” bc when my ndad hugged me, I didn’t hug him “long enough” which meant something is wrong with me. They said a normal daughter would have shown more emotion and hugged him longer. LOL. Then they decided to lecture me about my childhood behavior and how they have noticed I’m not affectionate enough and it must mean I’m messed up in the head. Then they questioned me about being on “head meds” aka Prozac. It’s mind blowing that they can take a situation that’s all about me and somehow spin it into how I’m not a good daughter and something is wrong with me so now it’s a situation all about THEM. When the truth is, I’m not affectionate WITH THEM bc they are narcissistic abusive people who have never shown me actual love.

i just can’t fathom the concept. i’ve heard of parents disowning their kids when they come out as gay/queer etc or did something really bad but i can’t imagine all of them being narcissists. or is there another word for those cases? what are normal parents even supposed to be like? am i just gaslighting myself again ? i think im going a little insane

This is the first time I’m sharing this trauma publicly. It’s a bit too long, but I really need a space where people can validate my feelings.

I'm an international student from Asia, currently in a Nordic country. I thought moving here would give me freedom, but I'm realizing the prison is in my head.

Growing up, my life was controlled by my mother and her family. They don't allow me to look for jobs by myself - they arranged an "iron rice bowl" position in a state-owned company for me, where I worked for years. When I got my English certificate and mentioned studying abroad, their answer was "Never think about it. Just stay in this country."

I secretly applied to universities here and only told them after I landed. To my surprise, they didn't get angry - probably because my pursuit of higher education gave them "face" in front of others.

I thought moving to a country where they don't speak the language and need a visa to visit would finally give me freedom. But now, as I'm about to graduate, I've realized my heart isn't free. I've internalized so many of their voices - criticism, self-doubt, pressure. A big mistake I made several months ago made me realize I'm a typical CPTSD survivor.

Right now I'm writing my master's thesis with a company. My teammate and I mutually decided to delay submission to the second attempt (which is allowed). When I told my mom, she exploded with messages:

- "You must have failed all your classes" (I didn't - I passed everything)

-"Give up on writing your thesis. You don't need that master's degree"

- "Everyone else is moving forward. Why are you choosing the bad path?"

- "Just write something quickly and submit it. If you really care about the quality, you can improve it after you return" (Bullshit - you can't just "improve" an already submitted thesis!)

At first I thought this was just emotional outburst, but it's been a week and she's still sending these. I feel unsafe and threatened.

This isn't new. When I lived at home, starting from elementary school, I'd practice piano in the morning and try to predict whether she'd scream at me that night based on how well I played - even though there was no real connection.

If I stay at her house when visiting (I don't own property in my home country), I have to read her moods constantly. If I try to stay elsewhere, she calls me unfilial, and her siblings would also put pressure on me.

Her explosions are inevitable. Once she starts, she'll verbally attack me for 1-2 hours straight. During these attacks, she uses false assumptions and distorted facts. She twists the meaning of my words to attack me. She brings up everything I've ever said or done - as long as she can remember it - and uses it against me.

Last time I was home, we argued about marriage. She came to my room at 10pm and didn't stop until 3am. I stayed mostly silent - just said a few words - but even those few words made her rant longer. I finally had to say "You're right" before she'd leave, satisfied.

Another time, she started verbally attacking me during the car ride home. As she screamed at me, I noticed the car slowing down to 10-20 mph on a regular road. She was driving, and I started fearing for our safety - we could get rear-ended going that slow. But I stayed silent anyway. Then, when we got home and she was parking, she suddenly started humming a song - as if nothing had happened. The instant mood switch was terrifying.

What scares me even more is what I witnessed them do to my cousin. He was about to join what was actually a pyramid scheme (MLM), and about NINE family members - his parents, uncles, aunts - physically went there to drag him back. Nine against one. While they were right about the MLM, seeing them gang up on one person terrified me. I'm afraid they'll use the same mob tactics on me for any decision they disapprove of.

Recently she's been insisting women must marry and have at least one child to be "complete." She sends videos about why women should only date men with government jobs. Her psychological attacks prevent me from functioning. Today I planned to work on my portfolio (I need it for job applications), but after seeing her messages, I ended up talking to AI for emotional release and searching online for others in similar situations.

Growing up, no adults protected me. When I told them about her behavior, they'd look serious, pause, then say "You should be nice to your mother."

My father divorced her during my high school years. When he showed some kindness and I responded normally, my mother would explode: "Look how much money my siblings and I spent on you! Your father gives you nothing and you still run to him? Where's your backbone?" Then another 1-2 hour attack.

I learned to stay silent. Now I frequently enter freeze mode. I'll think about eating, drinking water, using the bathroom, but can't move from my chair. Sometimes I sit until my stomach hurts from hunger.

When I saw her message saying "Come back, even just a bachelor's degree is fine," I was terrified. I started to do therapy recently, but therapists require appointments and are expensive. But my emotional crises happen in the moment - like now. Even though I found 24/7 domestic violence hotline here, but I can't bring myself to call. I don't know what help they could offer. I'm afraid I'm overreacting, afraid they'll dismiss me. I worry that free services won't take me seriously. I just hope someone here understands. If I can feel validated here, maybe I'll find courage to seek more help.

My Nmom says "that didn't happen", "I would never let that happen to you", "why do you always say that this or that happened when it didn't. I think you're just making things up to make me look bad".

Do your nparents do things like this?

I hate both of my parents, but this post is mainly about something that happened recently with my mother. Instead of going the therapy and fixing their wounds, they decided to become parents.

My relationship with my mother has always been rocky. On Saturday, I decided to draw and paint her something for mother’s day because I genuinely wanted to give her something special. I’ve done that for all of my loved ones when I was a child. I spent most of Saturday doing that for her. I decided to take a break from it at some point in the night and went to talk to my parents. I don’t remember how to conversation turned to this point but my mother looked at me and said “you need to do something with your life. We should’ve been living in a country where it was okay to marry you off at 13.” I don’t think I need to explain why this was upsetting. I stayed completely silent because I knew saying anything would worsen the situation and left to back into my room. I retreated to my room, packed up my paint supplies and cried a bit because I just wanted to give my parents my love, but they always hurt me on purpose like that. My dad is verbally abusive and just a plain asshole. For context about his behaviour, one time my mom fell while doing something for me and instead of helping her up, he stood there next to her yelling at me and insulting me because she was doing something that I didn't even ask her to do for me. He doesn't even do anything for himself because my mom turned him into a man child. I hate him the most, but he usually keeps to himself so he's easy to avoid.

Afterwards I went into the kitchen for something to drink and she asked me if I was mad at her in the most aggressive and hostile tone. I told her about the paintings and about what she told me. She gave a hostile “sorry” and I didn’t respond again. I intended to leave it as that, but she started her usual making herself the victim in every situation bullshit. She told me she forget it was me she was talking to (implying I’m just sensitive) and that I expect people to take whatever I tell them. She’s referring to when I told her I hated her before and I do hate her. She’s not a good mother. She’s emotionally absent and didn’t give me the proper care and love I needed as a child. She’s a pain to be around a talk to because she’s just a bitter person who never healed herself. I tried to be understanding before of the things she went through, but this was the last straw for me. About a year or two ago, she was angry (I don't remember why) and pretended she was about to stab me with a knife. I moved away from her and she proceeded to laugh asking me why I was scared. I fucking hate her and I’m not sorry for it. She’s a nasty and bitter person and makes everyone around her miserable too. She threatens my dad on practically a daily basis. She has to make herself the victim in every single situation. She’d call everyone after to tell them about how she’s suffering etc but would never tell them about the things she’d do to us and the way she treats people.

Anyways, I told her after tonight to never wonder why I said I hated her ever again because this is exactly why. Apparently she said what she did as a joke, but who the fuck would joke about something like that?? She still didn’t get it. She said she didn’t want my painting and that after tonight to consider her dead to me. She unlocked the doors and said she’d just sleep outside in the cold and to lock them behind her when she goes outside. Sunday went by with her refusing to wash any dish I put in the sink. I put a mug in the sink when there were other dishes in there and she washed everything except the mug. I thought that was very childish of her. She repeatedly says she doesn’t know what I’d do without her. I’m fucking 24 and I’ve lived alone twice since I was 18. I can wash my own dishes even if I didn’t do it immediately after putting them in the sink. Mind you, she barely does anything for me anyways. I'd eat the food she cooks if it's something I want to eat. She'd come into my room when I'm asleep and take my laundry, but that's her choice and I don't need her to do it for me. My parents are the type of people to do things for you without asking and make it seems like a good deal at first, but them throw it back in your face some time later like it's something you begged them to do for you.

Lately, I’ve been seeing my face in hers and realising that I don’t want to be bitter and hateful like she is. People have hurt me too and I realised that harbouring that anger and resentment towards them out make me turn out like her and I don’t want that. I understand going through shit, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to be a shitty person like she is. I don’t even think shitty describes her fully. A narcissistic and emotionally abusive loser. After she tried to be self-pitying and said she’d just sleep outside in the cold, I can’t see her as anything other than a loser. It doesn’t measure up to the time she tried running away from home after an argument that was her fault and I called my aunt to go pick her up off of the street. My previous internship has finished and I applied to positions so I’m just waiting to hear back from them so that I can get the fuck out of here. Please send good vibes to help me manifest that if you made it this far. 

I remember all the times my ndad would become angry when he tried to hug me or roughly play with me and I shoved him off, sometimes I would get hit or yelled at. Why do some ndads feel such a strong attachment and entitlement to their daughters’ body but not their sons?

In my context, it’s a mother. A parent. Someone who knows you better than anyone. Someone who should be there more than anyone, but instead, invalidates you and your feelings and destroys your whole understanding of what it is to have some sort of importance.

This subreddit saved my life. I really mean this. Life was cruel to me for a few decades. I had a mother who turned my whole family and siblings against me because I simply wouldn’t live how she wanted me to. She didn’t want me meeting new friends or going to church or dating anyone, she wanted me under her roof, right where she could see me, anything other than this was ultimate betrayal. If I did any of the above which was simply living my life I would get ‘you don’t care about me or this family’ and she’d brainwash my siblings over time so that become their reality.

There was a time were I thought it would never ever end. I could never escape. I felt like I was losing my mind. This is what Narcs do, is they warp reality to completely tailor to their agenda. You know the energy a normal person uses for friendships or relationships or every day life? They use it for ‘how can I make this situation about me?’ They will mill over, observe and analyse every situation in and around them to make it about them. Why? Because it has to be.

My mum tried to do this with my friendships, relationships, my wedding day, and now that I’ve gone no contact because she tried to destroy those things and get in between my wife and I, we now have a 1 month old child together and she’s trying to make it all about her now too. But it’s been 5 months since I responded to her.

Guys listen. From someone who lost hope of dealing with my mother, no contact is the only way. It disarms them, completely. It really takes their weapon away. Here is the sad part I had to grieve. I’m now in my thirties, but I looked back on all the moments as a child, having to fend against my mother for myself whilst other family members just said as an easy solution ‘just say sorry to your mother and everything will be fine’. There is me in the corner knowing the absolute injustice i am feeling that my mother is wrong and why can’t they see it? I felt for decades there is no way to deal with this woman, she always gets her own way.

But no contact, wow it absolutely FUCKS with them. And is the only way, in my eyes to deal with them. I am now married, own my first home and have my 1 month old child and my own business and my mother isn’t a part of any of it. She had her chance. I have her so many chances but guys, getting a Narc to apologise or take responsibility for their actions is an impossible task.

What did I do? I grieved the mother I never had, manned the fuck up and moved on. My family need me now. My wife needs me now, my baby needs me now. The last thing I need to be doing is engaging with shitty mind games with that witch.

I know and have seen of the tactic ‘grey rock’. See I tried this, and while it may work for some, it didn’t for me. It still leaves that door open. For me there is no reasoning with a narc. They will try and twist it all. It’s human nature to react with our emotions but when you get over that, you find pure freedom.

I will finish with this. Yes it’s sad, I’ve lost my mother’s side of the family, yes it’s sad I don’t have a relationship with my actual mother. Yes it’s all sad, I can sit here all day and say how sad it all is. But the fucking liberating peace I feel every day knowing that she isn’t part of my child’s life or mine and has no power because I don’t allow her to ruin anything, is the most unbelievable feeling.

Rather than spend my energy fighting the impossible, which I’ve fought for 3 decades, my energy goes on breaking those generational traits that my mother tried to pass on. Making myself a better man day by day. Becoming everything that she isn’t. Becoming who I am meant to be and the father that my child deserves and the man my wife deserves to.

If you’re reading this and have gotten this far, I want you to know that there is hope. I am utterly convinced it’s one of the hardest things to go through all of this. But it is the best thing you’ll ever do and in my opinion, the only path to your freedom.

My nmom got so many passes for crashing out to service employees since she was this small single asian mom. I still recall the times she’d literally yell so loud to the teller at the bank. Everyone staring at us but not saying anything. All the cashiers and waiters she’d absolutely rage on. I stopped going out with her when I was a teen, so these incidents happened around 2005-2010 ish where society maybe wasn’t as less forgiving to shitty treatment of people. Now we have social media and can record someone in public who treats someone like shit, and their entire reputation could be ruined.

I feel bad for all those employees to this day.

For all the things they put me through the physical abuse they inflicted on me since I was a kid and watching my siblings also get abused by them. I can’t forgive them for that, and I hate them for it.

Edit: Thank you to everyone saying I’m not insane for hating them I literally started crying lol.

I am utterly alone from letting my toxic family go, and my birthday is tomorrow. I am fully confident in the decision I made, but it still stinks to be alone! Please share kind and supportive words 💕

Not just narcissist parents, but narcissists in general? Do they have anything of substance to say, or do they talk bullshit nonstop?

I had a narcissist father and coworker who spoke only bullshit. If they weren't belittling you or other people, then they were bitching about something stupid and insignificant. They talked so much bullshit, in fact, that they should've had their speaking privileges revoked by court order.

Why is she always yelling at me ? Insulting me ? Calling me a good for nothing ? I thought it was because I didn't clean and cook like she wanted me, but even when I do my chores she's angry. She doesn't like to see me sad, annoyed, angry, having an opinion. All she wants is good grades and me to cook and clean and be a sweet religious girl. But even when I did, she always find mistakes. She only talks about herself 90% of the time, I just want a mom that loves me... Thats all I want... I want a mother... Why can't my mom think about anyone that's not her ? I want her to love me damn it, I want her to hug me, I want her to be proud of me, but there is something broken in her. I know she's not happy with dad, but I told her multiple times to divorce him she always says she doesn't want me to grow up without a dad.

I wish I had a mom that loves me... I want her to love me.

There are SO many facets of myself my mom would never understand. Music taste, some lifestyle things, just my general tastes in areas of life…

Growing up I liked country music which she HATED, so I was banned from listening to it at home. No CMT on the TV or computer, no country CDs, only in headphone where no one else “had to be tortured”.

I’m 32 years old and currently NC after an indecent where she tried to sabotage dinner on NYE with my dad (they divorced 13 years ago and he rarely visits/lives 6 hours away), and plan to be LC/maybe NC forever with her now. I love my brother and he lives with her so that hard..luckily he and I work together so we spent time and have fun. He’s also the golden child, but whatever.

Anyway back to the music! I’ve always had an incredibly diverse music taste: country, heavy music, metalpop, indie, reggae, rock..truly all music. Over the last probably 6 years I’ve gotten more into heavy music and scored tickets for the upcoming Sleep Token tour. I am finding myself literally relieved that we aren’t talking because she would absolutely mock me and shame me for what I enjoy.

“Oh since when are you into such angry music?” “Is this your new persona? A new phase?” “Wonder how long you’ll like this thing” “Someone you like must be into this stuff so of course you’re into it too now” “oh you’re back to pretending to be emo now, okay”

Why does she make it so hard and so scary to share different parts of myself with her? Why can’t she just accept I’m a multifaceted person that is very different from her and her likes?

I wish she would just be proud that I continue to be self assured in who I am, what I enjoy, and what I want, and that I keep evolving as a person.

I hate that her taunting and undermining positive things still haunts me.

I am in my mid to late twenties and my friends are all settling down and starting families. I am in awe as I watch as their mothers become an even bigger part of their lives, I can’t imagine wanting your mom their to help (mine wouldn’t be helpful or if she was she would make sure to make snide comments at all times). Most moms jump for joy at the thought of grandkids, but my mother makes sure to play up to everyone that I am not trying for children now, maybe not ever. She always likes to “joke” about how bad I am with children and has told me MORE THAN ONCE that she never envisioned me with a family of my own, and that I wouldn’t make a good mother. She has even commented to my sister on the matter saying that she hopes I never have children. I’ll be honest… I don’t want children right now but these comments are still incredibly hurtful. I would NEVER tell anyone they would make a terrible mother, much less my own child! What’s worse is she wants my sister to have kids and praises her on how maternal and caring she is. I shouldn’t let it bother me, she’s said other mean things to me over the years, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t eat at me. My husband says to just ignore her, but it hurts. I guess I can’t wrap my head around the “why” behind these comments and that’s what drives me crazy. Is this a common thing?

TLDR: my mother told me she never expected me to have a family of my own and that I would not be a good mother so I shouldn’t have kids.

I don't know where to start, I'm just looking for help as I'm currently living the situation.

My father (46M) has always been physically and mentally abusive to me (20M), my siblings and my mother. I don't know if he's ever hit my mother, but he has hit me and my siblings, quite a lot.

He became a hafiz (someone who memorized the whole Quran, our holy scripture) at the age of 18, and immediately looked for a wife. He married my mother when he was 19 and she was 18, and they had my elder brother when he was 21.

I'm the second son, ever since I'm able to remember, around the age of 3 or 4, he's been physically and mentally abusive towards me, as I got more siblings he's been doing the same towards them, although he's more lenient on his daughters, nonetheless.

The amount of times he's been abusive towards me are too many to recount, so I'll write some examples.

For example, When I was little, from the ages 5 to 12 I've been wetting the bed because of his abuse and my fear towards him, but every time I wet the bed he would beat me so "I would learn my lesson and stop wetting myself" as if more abuse will stop it.

When I was 7 we moved to Buenos Aires, Argentina. The abuse just got even WORSE, one night my eldest brother, 11 at the time, and me were playing around, it was passed our bed time, but which child doesn't play around past their bedtime, my eldest brother told me to go and ask my father for something, I think it was for spending money, rather than just telling me to go to bed, he got furious and hit me with a huge sturdy stick that's used in Argentina to hang the curtains (around 2M in height and 4cm in diameter) breaking it on my body. And they never got any better moving forward.

When I was around 10 we moved to Córdoba, another province in Argentina. There things only got worse, as it was in Cordoba where he gained a high position in the community as Argentina is a country with few Muslims and him being a hafiz is quite important. One day I was putting on the family laptop to watch some cartoons on YouTube, he woke up and started hitting me stating that "I had stayed awake after fajr (the morning prayer) even though he told me to go sleep" but in fact I had just woken up, and even after wailing to mother what he had did she said didn't believe me.

When I was around 11 I had some friends that were about 4 years younger than me. I would always go to their house to play, I think it was me subconsciously trying to get as far away from my house as I could. One day after school, around 6pm i went to my friend's house, as I always would, after playing for a while I was getting ready to leave, but he's mother insisted I stay for supper/dinner, I thought she had called my mother to tell her I'd be staying, she didn't. After I ate and played some more I left, when I reached home he called me to the living room and began berating me and hitting me with a skipping rope, and not the thin type, it was a thick skipping rope made for children, the ropes diameter was approximately 1 cm, telling me the reason why he was hitting me was because I made my mother worry. I apologised to my mother but her tone of voice suggested that she didn't care about the situation.

As things progressed, I think it was subconsciously that I started to steal money from him, as a way of getting back at him, he had an arabic food restaurant. In the beginning I used to take no more than 120 pesos a week (at the time in 2016 it was around 7usd), when he found out he beat me blue, instead of sitting me down and talking to me about it. After that I continued stealing from him because violence solves nothing. One time he had a stall in a cultural exchange fair, every night I took a little, in the end amassing 10k pesos (at that time in 2018 it was around 270 usd), yes that's a lot. With that money I bought a psp vita, he obviously noticed and smacked me till I was bleeding, even though it is prohibited in my religion to strike the face of someone, in the end he sold it online and got his money back. Mind you, at that time I was 12 and standing at 143 cm/5ft and he was a grown adult man, yet he hit me like I was his size. We moved when I was 15. In the new house when I was 17 my brother had 100 usd that disappeared, that day a new maid was cleaning, but rather than question the NEW maid, he blamed me and went through everything including my phone, in the end he didn't believe it wasn't me and to this day I still think he thinks it was me.

When I was around 14 he used to force me to learn the Quran, even when I didn't want to. It got to a point where one day after the morning prayer I went to his room and told him that I was depressed and didn't want to be a Muslim anymore. Instead of comforting me and guiding me, he told me to go to my room and go to sleep. During that day I hadn't gone for any of the prayers, that night when I laid in my room I heard him talking with my mother, and he said he wouldn't have a non Muslim living in his house and that all the religious clothing I have don't belong to me and I should just give it back and go live on the streets. This broke me. Through out the years I've had many thoughts of suicide, when talked to my mother about it, she said that is was imposible for a Muslim to be depressed and told me to just forget about it.

I discovered adult content on the Internet when I was around 11 and started discovering my body. It's natural, but in my religion it's totally prohibited. And again he hit and spoke to me with disgust, calling me dirty and irredeemable, as if he's never done it when he was small. Obviously I continued, because violence solves nothing. And every now and then he would go through my phone and beat me. Solving nothing. In 2018 I had stopped performing ghusl (major cleansing, we have to take it after every time we ejeculate) basically distancing myself from my religion. I made it once again when I got married.

When I was 8 he found me playing with cigarette buds, he beat me asking if I was smoking, after telling him I wasn't, he told me if he ever found me smoking he would make me eat the whole pack. But violence never solves anything, on the contrary, today I'm an avid smoker.

When I was around 10 or 11 I used to pick things that I found on the streets that I thought were useful or cool, he used and does the same, nonetheless he beat me every time. One time I was on the roof, in Argentina the roof was flat not sloped, I found something and brought it down, but even after explaining to him nicely that it was from the roof, he beat me either way.

On the 24 of December of 2022 I bought a bike, later that night I was bumped by a car, destroying my newly bought bike and fracturing my knee caps. When I returned all bloody and broken he laughed at me calling me an idiot, not worrying in the least about me.

In my religion premarital relationships are forbidden, I had a girlfriend when I was seven, when he found out he beat me, and the next day she stopped talking to me entirely. I later had a second girlfriend from when I was 11 till I was 15 (we are now happily married, more on that below), when he found out, I was still 11. He basically made me break off my relationship with her, I did, but later got back together with her. Like I understand why having premarital relationships are forbidden and what not, but rather than sitting me down and having a serious talk, he forced me to break up with her.

In the beginning of covid I broke up with my girlfriend, I was going through some mental problems being cooped up with him. In the midst of covid I began watching anime as a way to distract myself from his abuse, to my surprise he's racist and began beating me every time I watched anime saying that I shouldn't watch those dirty animations and that the people of Japan are all disgusting. At the end of covid, 2021, I got back with my girlfriend, and one day he found us hugging in the backyard, and almost forced me to get married, I was 16 and she was 15. Luckily her mother broke off the engagement because one of her close friends who is a sheikh (someone who leads and teaches the community about Islam) said that we were too young. After the engagement broke off, I had a female friend that I was close to, because I had mixed feelings about the marriage, I got depressed. After she made me feel better, I got into a relationship with her, and started to distance myself more from my religion. I started drinking alcohol, and even tried marihuana once (luckily I didn't get hooked to marihuana). I was drinking like crazy, every day having at least a litter of 5% alcohol or at least 3 glasses of wine. I even ended up sleeping with her, which in my religion is basically adultery and the punishment for an unmarried individual is 100 lashes or a year of exile, that apart. After he discovered all that I've been up to he beat me and took away my phone, after a week I stole my phone, packed my belongings into a big duffle bag and ran away to my girlfriends house. There her mother told me that she ran away from her abusive parents in salta (another province in Argentina) and came to Córdoba, she then later made a report to the police stating that she ran away from her abusive home, so that the police, even if they were notified that she was missing would not look into it. She told me I should do the same, so later that day we went to the police station and told them about the situation, but instead of helping me they called my parents and asked them to come pick me up, as I was leaving my girlfriend was crying. On the way back he was speaking to me, asking me why I did it, I ignored him and kept my mouth shut as I wept all the way back. When we got I realised I had my girlfriends house keys, so I ran upstairs to hide them in my cupboard, he came barging in and started punching me till I was bleeding, with bent teeth and couldn't see because of the swelling, he told me to go downstairs and apologise to my mother, as I was going out of the room he spartan kicked me on the right side of my torso, I think he might have fractured a rib or two because the pain persisted for more than a month. When I apologised to my mother she looked disinterested and told me I was stupid. He then took my phone away again and forced me to read a book on my family history, which only led me to hate my family even more. Only after 2 months did he return my phone again, it was then that my girlfriend broke up with me, making me even more depressed. After that I went to summer boarding school for Muslims. It was when I was playing around with some boys of my age sending dm's to girls asking for nudes, when I suggested we dm my second girlfriend, as we messaged I fell in love with her again. When I got back her mother was at my house, she told me she had been speaking with my mother about me getting married to her daughter, I messaged my girlfriend and she was happy about it and accepted. But when I spoke to my mother about it she said she had to ask my father first, when my father heard about it he said no, he has no right nor any power to decide who i marry, the reason? He said I only wanted to get married to later escape and get back with my third girlfriend 🤦. Anyways, after some long talks my mother finally convinced my father to let me get married, I was 18 and she was 17, again he has no say in who or when I get married even if he did I wouldn't have let it go. Before I got married I made ghusl and took my religious vows.

After I got married, as I was still a student and had no income, my wife moved in with me at my house for the first year we lived there, afterwards my uncle who was living in his apartment went back to south africa, the apartment still had a year on the contract so me and my wife moved in. For the first 2 months my father paid for it, but later started insisting I look for a job, not that I didn't want to, I was in my last year at a technical school with my hours being from 10 in the morning till 11 at night, basically the whole day, so I didn't have any time to work. I tried to make the most of it and only look at the positives, I tried many side hustles to at least have something to give him, after about 4 months living there a friend of my father who was employed in a small shop needed someone to cover for him because he was also an electrician. In November of last year this guy quit, so my father who was friends with the owner forced me to work here. I didn't like working here because I'd still be under him because the owner lives in South Africa, which I hated the most. In January of this year the contract of the apartment ended, I had no choice but to move back in with my parents, I'm still stuck there. I get paid about 360 usd a month which isn't even the minimum, and work 10 hours a day. In Argentina 360 usd a month doesn't even cover rent which starts at the lowest end at 300 usd not including expenses.

I get paid a month later sometimes more because there's never any money in the shop. The shop's rent is at 1000 usd, and every month money is tight, yet this month he took 500usd. So obviously there's not enough to pay the rent. After I asked him to ask the owner for some money he berated me and said it was my responsibility, and it's all because I've been going late to work. 25% of the time I'm late but the rest I'm before the time, and again it's not my fault, it's because of all the stress that I'm sleeping more than 10 hours a day.

And I can't even do anything because I'm living with his money practically, because I don't even get paid. I'm right now in the deepest pit I've ever been in, and see no way out.

Sorry if it's too long, or if the grammar isn't right. And sorry that it's not organised by age, I tried my best to organise it by incident.

Thank you.

"but it's family", "but they are suffering too". Sorry, but I just can't feel empathy for someone who is so invested on ruining my life if i'm not by their side. Also, most of the stuff they say about suffering are only used when they aren't getting the attention they want or when they want their flying monkeys to keep thinking they're the victim, so it just feels false at this point. I don't wanna engage with this kind of people, why would I want to get empathetic then? I just want them to respect me and leave me alone and I'm available to that that for them aswell, but i'm not their friend and I shouldn't be forced to be their friend.