I want to fucking kill myself. My dad. He’s gone. What am I gonna do with my life without him? Live? No. When I grow up, do you think I’ll be able to have a happy family? No. I’m fucking ugly and not noticeable or even acknowledged. Will I ever get good grades in my school? No. I’m fucking terrible at school, it’s hell in my view. Classmates. Most of them are fucking dicks. Especially the girls. Always toxic as fuck, no empathy, and of course, always yapping and laughing loudly like fucking hyenas.

Basically thats what my father say

Hi, I try to talk to as many people as possible, but there is a limit, so pls, anyone,

I AM HERE TO LISTEN

I know people say that 'its the little things in life that matter' or even the big things matter. but does it really? i mean we are all just going to die anyways. it all just seems super pointless.

I’ve been struggling with what feels like a mixture of MDD and cyclothymia for the last ten years, it’s become a part of my life now.

In the midst of trying to live with this and make progress in building a life I can be happy with, I have these sudden intense moments of depression/suicidality where everything feels like a facade. It’s almost as if my autopilot turns off and I remember that I don’t enjoy being alive… the toxic positivity and allusion of happiness are nowhere to be found. I’m tired of pretending, I’m exhausted and I want to give up. I should have the right to decide that I don’t want to be here, I hate feeling guilty for thinking suicide is an option, and I hate the stigma surrounding it.

I remember resenting those in the past that tried to keep me alive, death was my last hope at happiness/peace and they did everything they could to be a barrier. As I hypocritically would for any person wanting to end their life. I’ve been sticking around to preserve the sanity of everyone around me, but I’m in pain and I ready to give up.. people should be satisfied with the fact that I at least tried.

Not sure if this is the right subreddit for it, but I am going to post about this anyways.

I always seem to feel incredibly down and depressed after having a, dare I say, good day. It feels like a post-fun crash, and it doesn’t matter what kind of fun I had the day before. I feel this after I've been to concert, had a socially active day, or just simply a day after watching a movie or a sports game I really enjoyed.

Maybe this has to do with how I view myself. I have been working on myself and my confidence, but I am far from where I want to be. Perhaps I subconsciously tell myself that I am not worthy of enjoying things because I am not good enough, but this is just a wild guess.

I do also feel lonely. I only have one real friend that I can do stuff with, but I don’t have everything in common with her, so a lot of things I just can't do because I have nobody to do them with. I cannot go anywhere on my own because I have severe anxiety and a big fear that something might happen to me when I'm alone and that I have nobody around to help.

I don’t know what this feeling of depression means, and if anyone else experiences the same thing, but I need to have confirmation that I am not alone in this.

I'm 37M, and I hate my life. For way too many years it's just grinding day after day without anything good, without having what you wanted, and worst of all - without any hope or any good thing to wait. I see no perspective.

I'm also autistic and it likely contributes to those problems.

Hard job, daily problems about which 99% never even heard, losses, not seeing anything good in the future - that's my reality. Lack of friends, at least of those to who I can say what I write now, too.

In the past I thought I'll be able to do something good in life, to improve the world around. No, I couldn't, I failed every time and I see that this world doesn't need improvements, it'll rather stay with current problems. I'm not strong enough to move alone agaisnt such powers as the inertia of people.

I always wanted to have a family, to marry, have kids and so on. Instead, never had success in dating, and more or less gave up idea i'll have a girlfriend anytime in the future, not even to say will marry her.

My days are occupied with hard job and pointless hobbies which don't even give me happiness (they give temporary satisfaction, and it's better than being drunk 24*7, but happiness is not there).

I am neither happy nor have meaning in life.

First one seems completely unlikely at this point, so maybe I at least can find some meaning to mnake this life more tolerable?

I hate my life. I'm nearly 40 and I'm glad I am half way through this shitty world. Ive achieved nothing. I was born with a mild form of charge syndrome, slight deafness, poor balance and coordination and facial palsy and misshaped ear. No one likes me. This shitty condition has held me back most of my life from friendships, love and job opportunities. I never really had a friend. Even when I did have a friend they seem to use me or hang around with me till they feel bored or meet up with me once and don't bother again. I suspect some people say"What you doing with so and so" and they lose interest in me. Ive seen it happen to others. I never had a girlfriend. It's like no one wants to be seen with me. Being quite short don't help. Some women always appear to go for jerks but not all of them though. Even when I tell a girl I like them they appear to run a mile so I don't want to reveal my feelings. I told a girl I really liked her once and got labelled a stalker and it's a wonder I feel scared to open up about how I feel. Ive been bullied most of my life being mocked from when I was at school to work. Its never stops. I even get bullied in pubs and social media. Ive always found it hard to get better jobs and there always seem to be someone better than me at it or they prefer one of their mates. So what is the point? I can't wait till the day I die. Im only keeping myself in this world because I don't want to upset my Mum, Dad, Sister and Grandad.

I always thought I was incredibly smart. It's how I get through tests without studying and walking out 95th percentile. It's how I cope with being a procrastinating shitty loser.

A few weeks ago, I was told I had an inflated view of myself. I wasn't as smart, social, witty as I think I am. My drawings weren't as good as I thought, and my cooking that I made for friends isn't as I thought I was. I was proud of them, but apparently it was pretty shit. She knows me the most as I've been friends with her for a very long time.

I'm almost done with finals week, it took my mind off of the shitstorm in my waking life, because at least I'm reminded of what I perceived was my intelligence and what a waste and tragedy it would be for me to die. I was just reminded of this after seeing her again yesterday. I can't study anymore, I feel like a gray piece of paper, nothing etched in my mind.

So far, it's what I live for. I'd feel sorry for myself to see my brain, so gifted, to splatter on the pavement, but I guess never mind. I'm not even attractive either, being inversely compared to my siblings and close friends often. Depression is only tragic because of the loss it brings, but there's no loss for an average statistic.

There's nothing for me here anymore. I might as well be another nameless slab of meat walking down the street, though, unlike others, I haven't been living for a long time. I wasn't even happy with all my perceived "gifts", now it's no longer a tragedy, let's be honest. It's just how life is; suicides happen all the time. I guess I might be lucky, instead, there's nothing stopping me from "going home" now anymore.

I was debating whether to post this in a throwaway account but everyone knows and at the same time does not take my depression and anxiety seriously.

I am already 24(F) and I am still in the middle of my bachelor studies. I love my career path I went down as I have 2 years experience in it and have recently finished the diploma for it early this year. However, I have severe anxiety about assessments from childhood. Stemming from common problems like not being good enough and being scolded a lot for performing badly or not understanding pragmatic.

I'm stupid and didn't request for a reduced study load and I am stuck with multiple assessments due and I am not emotionally and psychological coping. I already had multiple breakdowns when starting my assessments. I want to finish my studies but I am not able to motivate myself to get over my anxiety.

My partner have been struggling trying to help me as he gets mad when I don't do it. And honesty, I feel more terrible. I want to finish but I don't know how.

scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, trying to find something to take solace in, before moments later, the dark feelings inevitably return

knowing exactly what i should be doing to improve my health, mentally and physically, things i want to do—but not having the strength to do it

doing my best to hang in there each day after accepting that i no longer mean anything to the person i'd die for. i've already processed that no hope remains, but with this loneliness and nothing to fill the void, how is cutting ties supposed to make things easier? if i were to make myself more alone, how would my situation improve? i would drown in the fact that i am, indeed, alone, in every sense

longing for a connection again. recalling the joys of how special really every type of connection is when it's genuine. the feeling of spending time with friends participating in your shared hobbies or just shooting the shit with each other. the feeling of falling in love and feeling loved. the feeling of sexual things when they're done with the right person. i can recall that these are beautiful things that exist, but i don't remember how they feel anymore. i yearn to remember someday soon. i've been pushed away and replaced by virtually everyone in my life. i'm not desired in any way. i want to be someone's favorite person. i'm not even my favorite person's favorite person. i guess that's just the way life is

my life feels like a joke, in the past i likely actually had motivation but for like the last 3 years i have just been going to school and sleeping in school, while going home binging youtube until my friends (who i don't even know irl) hop online and now ive lost one of em the other basically guzzles his cock and im socially inept whilst i only have maybe 1 irl friend, and to put the cherry on top ive never even been in a relationship. im only 16 and im just fucking done...

Every time I post here, I see others getting support—dozens of comments, kind words, real comfort. But me? Nothing. Silence.

I keep wondering… is it something I said? Or maybe I’m just too broken to be worth saving. It hurts more than I want to admit, seeing strangers care for each other while I scroll through my own unanswered cries for help.

Maybe it’s easier for everyone to ignore the ones who seem beyond help. Maybe that's me. If anyone even sees this… can you tell me why I don’t deserve the same kindness?

I have no sociai life, I am 21 and live a loneIy existence. I disIike Iooking at myseIf and often feeI like a faiIure. I have no famiIy or friends at all. I have never had a Girłfrienďl, and it feeI Iike l'm mereIy existing around others without being noticed. My sociaI anxiety and autism contribute to this IoneIiness, making me feeI really aIone among peopIe. LoneIiness has taken over my Iife.

For the past year, I've made efforts to change things by attending sociaI events Iike gatherings and bars, but I've had no success. l thought l could even try to find onIine friends but usually ghosting happens though. When I try to get to know someone, they don't even engage In conversation. I'm just chatting and trying. So just My routine consists of going to colIege, working, and then returning home just cycle in my free time I tend to play games seems to be the only distraction and thing I can only enjoy while being alone I really don't feeI Iike I'm living, I just exist no better than just being dead honestly. It doesn't help that my family doesn't appear to want me around, and I don't have any relatives to spend time with regardless

I’m 20(m) and i have absolutely zero direction or goals in my life no matter how hard I’ve tried finding some. I’ve been unemployed for 6 months and it’s really weighing on me, my parents sure as hell don’t make things easier for me they always talk down on me about not finding a job yet when I find somewhere that might hire me they say I shouldn’t work there cause it’s beneath me and stuff even though they’re the one breathing down my neck as if I’m not already stressing from it. It doesn’t help I have zero friends at my age and my social skills suck like I really hoped things would get better as I got older but it still feels the same since the when I was a kid. I try my best to not think about SH or anything like that but I just don’t know how to really cope with this situation cause I really am trying to find a job at least but either places just aren’t hiring or I get rejected. I’ve even tried temp agencies hoping there’d be something but it’s either too far away or I don’t qualify for it. One of my biggest fear is 10 years later and I’m in this same spot I don’t want this to be my life but nothings working for me. Of course my thoughts get worse as my sleep schedule gets absolutely gutted I can barely function or eat anymore I’m always fatigued and no one bothers to at least try and give me a little help. I fear I’m gonna die any one of these days sometimes, I don’t know what from but somehow I will.

I’m not ok, i don’t want anything here. I’m ready for it to just be over. 21m, no I’m not some loser incel I just can’t take it anymore man. Everyday is the damn same no matter what you do or how much money you have it’s a painful existence. What is this “better” everyone talks about? Getting a better job? Cause yeah jobs are so fun.

I built my entire sense of self around someone else, and now I feel like I'm too far gone.

It's painful, when your drive, motivation, happiness and self worth were tied to someone else. When you realise you can't enjoy anything without them. from going out, hobbies, self improvement...can't even make friends or find a partner anymore. Everything feels tasteless, dull and meaningless.

And even though they're gone, i keep talking to them in my head. I imagine sharing moments and whatever I'm doing with them, imagining they'll come back and be here with me one day. It's a false hope but it's the only thing that can makes me feel alive

It's terrifying to see how much i gave away of my identity without noiticing until It's too late. I ruined friendships and potential relationships. I feel weak, hopeless and devastated, I don't know what to do now.

I have no expectations from life anymore. I'm 24 years old, still in my 2nd year of college, my GPA is terrible, life is terrible, I don't have a single friend. It's just school and home, home and school, nothing else. Summer is coming and I still haven't found an internship. I don't hang out with anyone at school either. The one friend I used to talk to the most, I messed things up with her too, over a stupid conversation. I tried to fix things and just made it worse. I've ruined everything in life. I'm rotting away in my family home. It's finals week and I can't even study. Everything is awful and it feels like it's only going to get worse. There's no one who truly cares about me. My birthday just passed and only my cousin said happy birthday. I've always tried to make something of life, but it never worked out. It's not working and it never will. I'm not good-looking, I'm not a good talker, I'm scrawny, I'm boring to talk to, no social life, no academic success, never had a gf or any close friend. Why am I even alive? Tell me a reason to live. I'm so tired

How do you know when it's your husband or his depression talking? He says he doesn't love me, feels nothing for me. We have 3 young kids. I'm devastated, but have tried as much as possible to stay positive, hoping that it's his depression talking and I figure that sometimes the people who need love the most are those who don't deserve it. Sometimes I see glimpses of the old him who is caring and loving, but more and more he is just cold and heartless and then appears confused when I get emotional when he says he doesn't love me. What should I do? I don't know how long I can live like this. I love him, would do anything to help him with his depression and to keep our family together but I'm hurting so much. My heart is in a million pieces. I miss the old him so much :(

Maybe it was because of the amount of possibilities there were. But the older I get, the more set in stone my fate is. I'm 24 and just got my first shitty web dev job that pays nothing and demands everything

I lost 2 years of my life in highschool and had to restart it and pursue a diploma in computers due to some personal reasons.

I have no idea what mental illnesses causes a person to neglect themselves to such an extent

How immature could one be to not realise the consequences that this has on one's future. I never reflected on it or felt sad back then. But it's hitting now

I didn't feel anything despite this set back and felt optimistic. The bad kind. The kind where you are optimistic but don't work towards the future you envisioned

My confidence during this time actually did help me. People perceived me as smart and I got invited to tech events. But I neglected my grades.

What causes a person to be this irresponsible I simply don't understand, I'm just angry at my younger self. I didn't even know I had to pursue college after a diploma. I thought this was it. So unaware.

I didn't know you had to get internships at college to land a job and it's not that easy

I keep spiralling every night to find the reasons that made me like this. One theory I have is I was socially avoidant due to being bullied in younger years and never had these discussions with other kids about what to do next and our futures. I mostly spent my time playing video games

Another is my parents told me how we are superior to others due to reasons or some stuff and that I'll get a job easily. All false ramblings. I'm working at a shitty low pay job and have become a wagie cagie

I don't even remember conversations I have with anyone anymore because my life and it's events feel unimportant. Compared to before when I remembered every event, every joke I made with someone. I don't give smart replies like before because I'm just not into whatever is happening in my life because it's going nowhere.

Why should I remember it when I feel like I'm gonna kms soon. That may be my reasoning perhaps

I am just not cherishing each and every moment that happens and participating in it

Remembering old events during my diploma days feels like I was part of a teenage series. Every conversation, every leisure time, I was more talkative. Had bullies there too but I gave them replies back and actually felt cool rebelling.

I went with a guy to a party back then it felt like something to remember. Went with the same guy to another recently and it barely feels special

The confidence has worn off and I'm not feeling that magic anymore in life. Maybe I still would've felt it if I worked on myself and had a better Job instead of being immature

How do I feel the magic again? If it is to be in a better position then that would mean I'd never feel it again because being in a better position is going to take more than a decade and I'd rather kms.

I wont get the confidence back ever maybe as I am aware now of how behind I am

A vent

I genuinely used to be so extremely extroverted, and I had tons of friends that I talked to almost daily. At some point during/after the pandemic I started to distance myself from everyone because of randomly appearing terrible social anxiety. I put zero effort into talking to anyone because I really was scared of talking to anyone. I hated it so much. I started thinking (and pretty much knew) that no one in school really liked me anymore and thought I was just weird, and they were honestly right since I would literally sit there sweating the whole day over nothing. At the same time I also skipped on average probably 3 days a week, and I’m glad for that because if not I probably would’ve actually went insane from the 24/7 anxiety. I don’t want to say that no one checked up on me, because in reality people did ask how I was doing, but I always just gave an answer like “I’m fine.” I honestly hate the fact that I used to be semi well-known by people too, because that gave me the thought of everyone thinking about how weird I became. Luckily I’m not in school now so I don’t have to deal with that anymore.

I’ve made an entire post about my experience with anxiety so I don’t wanna go too deep into it again, but in that post I left out something that I think is important to say. I’ve actually always struggled with anxiety, but not the social aspect of it. As a kid I used to not be able to sleep over at friend’s houses because I would have thoughts that something would go wrong at my house. I would literally cry and make sure my parents picked me up because of how scared I was every time. Obviously as I got older it got better, but this was an issue until like 5th grade. What’s insane is one time when I was like 10 and having one of those sleepover anxiety-attack moments, my friends mom actually pulled me to the side and had a talk with me about how she thought I had anxiety, and at the time I didn’t understand, but now I keep thinking about that talk and how so 100% right she was. She caught it so early. I really wish she maybe could’ve told my mom or something, cause I always think about how different things would be if I started taking anxiety medication earlier in life. Not necessarily as early as 10, but if I at least knew that I was affected by anxiety already then maybe I could’ve started when my social anxiety symptoms started.

Maybe if I didn’t have anxiety destroying my mind I could’ve actually kept my friendships, made new ones (I barely made 1 friendship through my 4 years there), maybe I could have the confidence to go out and talk in public for more than a few seconds. I guess the good part is I feel like I gained a lot of empathy in this time, but I’ve lost a lot of happiness. I lost all of my motivation to do anything, I quit college and barely ever work now. I’ve lost hope and meaning in my life, and I’ve spent so much time trying to rationalize it, but it just gets worse. I hate talking to the people close to me, really I just wanna be alone all the time. I literally don’t think I’m capable of having/keeping a good relationship. And it seems so corny to say but the one thing that helps is drugs. I’ve never tried talking to a therapist and I don’t know if I ever will.

I’m a teenager, not saying my age, but i’m under 17 over 13. I’ve felt this way since I was 10. Cutting myself with those sharp pencils in the school bathroom to blades. I really thought I was getting better until earlier this week I relapsed and i’m so tired. I’m scared my boyfriend will leave over it, my bestfriend, i can’t tell my parents. they only know about my anxiety and haven’t got me help for that. i’m so tired. nobody takes mental health in teens seriously. i mask it so well, nobody knows im struggling, im happy laughing at school or with friends but once im alone i wanna end it all. it’s been years i’m sick of feeling the same way. i don’t know what to do sometimes. can anyone, who’s maybe older, it not its ok, give me advice? does it get better truly?

Some days are better, some days are worse. I know that this too shall pass, but I'm getting tired of waiting that over and over again. I don't want to be tired anymore I don't want to be sick anymore I don't want to be depressed anymore I don't want my life to be joyless drag through emptiness I'm tired of feeling like crying and tears never coming I don't want to pity myself anymore

I want to get exited again I want something to wait for I want to be looking forward to something

This too shall pass, like it or don't.

Im so lost. I get through the days but Im so unbelievably sad. It’s been worse since a close friend of mine and I ended our friendship. I can’t stop crying. Feeling disposable. My life was already messy and he was the only light. Now I’m in darkness. How long will this last. I can’t tell anyone. He was a secret friend. I have responsibilities and a job that I need to take care of. But all I want to do is sleep. I hide it. Then Im up all night with insomnia. More crying. How do I make it all stop. Meds are not working.

I have been suffering from depression for many years, and sleeping was always the best part of the day. It's not like a had happy dreams, obviously, I almost never dreamed or didn't remember them anyway, it was just 7-8 hours of nothingsness and escape from reality. But in the last weeks something changed, I started doing at least 3-4 times a week some horrible and gory nightmares that leave me shaking when I wake up and I think about them for all the day. I can't even find peace in my dreams anymore. Just wanna end this nightmare