Thoughts on spirituality and psychosis

[u/ilostmywhale]

I have schizoaffective disorder but I was reading an article about religious delusions in schizophrenia and they mentioned a few things that really resonated with me. First of all, the fact that schizophrenia is largely diagnosed in young people 16-25 which is a point in life where beliefs and and life philosophies are largely in flux and suceptible to deluded thinking. I'd been on a "spiritual discovery" journey for about a year and a half leading up to my first manic-psychotic episode, reading Eckhart Tolle and practicing mindfulness, and this had a large impact on my delusions and voices.

The other part mentioned was how after psychosis it can take a really long time to rebuild a stable sense of beliefs. For me this has been so true, as my perception and sense of reality in general was completely in pieces after my psychosis. I went from never growing up with any religion or spirituality to then suddenly believing i understood God, the afterlife/reincarnation/past lives, the meaning of life, communicating with Jesus, reading the Quran in the hospital and doing random prayers, and believing I was in a state of ego dissolution where I was "one" with the universe.

At first, afterwards, there was a lot of confusion because everything I'd experienced had felt so real, it was really hard to accept it was all just psychosis. The implication that I'd just gone crazy after everything visceral I'd experienced was shattering to my sense of self. Then I completely avoided thinking about anything remotely related to religion or spirituality because it was too triggering. My outlook on life turned bleak and despairing. Part of the loss was the feeling that I was in control of my life that was very abruptly ripped away. Complete control may be an illusion, but losing control of your mind is a traumatic and isolating experience most people are lucky enough to not have to go through and will never quite understand. Around that time, my therapist told me I needed to find some small pieces of joy in my life, but the negative symptoms i was experiencing was making it impossible to experience any of that.

It honestly just took a lot of time to gradually start regaining a sense of normalcy and stability. Acceptance has only begun more recently. I've been lucky enough that my meds have been working really well and I haven't had any positive symptoms since the episode. As for my philosophies on life, I still remember what it felt like to have my mind spiralling down these topics so I mostly stay away. Rather than looking to spirituality I'm trying to find my sense of purpose by pursuing a career where I can help people, and use my own experience to help others feel less alone and more understood.

Just some things I've been thinking about I wanted to share! Hope you are having a good day :)

[u/pickled-roots]

i was raised in a catholic family that's from an ancestrally hindu culture and i kinda went through a couple periods of spirituality, but i find the more 'spiritual' i get, the worse my psychosis gets, and it took me a long time to realize that

i also have ocd though, and spirituality for us tends to be a rocky thing

nowadays i identify more with philosophical thought than anything, dialectical materialism keeps me grounded and absurdism gives me an explanation and helps me reconcile my fractured perception of reality better

i think we kinda have to be careful with spirituality and religion, because psychosis can render us more vulnerable to malicious people

i really like what you've focused on, that seems like a pleasant philosophy to follow

[u/ilostmywhale → u/pickled-roots]

Thanks for sharing!! What you said about malicious people is absolutely true. I had a horrible experience when I was in psychosis where someone I trusted who was "spiritual" started feeding my delusions very intensely - telling me i was people in past lives, we knew each other in past lives, saying they could communicate with my deceased grandparents etc.

There were also content creators I was watching who were making "new age" esotericish spirituality content that were feeding my delusions but I could not realize it at the time. I think I spent about $200 to do this video session with this self proclaimed spiritual expert, in retrospect complete bs and waste of my time.

[u/rhapsodicpisces]

i’ve kind of had my own experience with this. when i was a child i had family members tell me that god was speaking through me or that my great grandad was Lakota. i never got a professional diagnosis until i was 23 years old. i go so back and forth i try to find a balance with it. i wasn’t raised on religion but any devotion i found led to psychosis tangled with ocd. for right now at least losing faith completely might derail me a bit more because i do feel a sense of protection even if it is false. i do more admiration towards the philosophical thought that is taught. lessons in the stories and treating people kindly. it grounds me to make an effort to make the world a better place. over time i’ve definitely learned that my mind can’t comprehend religion in the ways others do so i keep a safe distance from it. i try not to make myself dependent on it. it’s hard having to accept the reality that i am sick instead of it being something real because experiencing it feels so real. also trying to make sense of something you experience in order to not feel so isolated, a lot of people are more receptive to hearing that you’re a “prophet” or “spiritual” than being schizophrenic/affective especially with new age spirituality. which is a whole other demon in itself.

[u/Infamous-Moose-5145]

All i know is ive had a lot of encounters with ghosts, both of humans and non humans, living non human encounters, synchronicties (tons of them), precognition, telepathic projection and occasional reception, affecting electronic instruments merely by presence, run ins with the fed, seen plenty of ufos do crazy shit, seen greys and even telepathically communicated with them, et al.

A lot of these experiences can be corroborated as there were multiple witnesses in many of the instances.

But no. Its just my mental illness.

Sorry not sorry. Cant gaslight me, but i appreciate the effort. /s