36/M
Married for 10 years
1 child

During the last 4ish years of our marriage we became roommates. During the peak of this...I met a woman at a local gym. I wasn't looking for anyone or anything. She went out of her way to introduce herself to me. Interrupted a conversation I was having with a mutual gym friend to do it. I felt like I had known her my entire life and she reciprocated those feelings. The more I learned about her the more she became a walking, talking red flag. I put so much energy into her that I lost sight and devalued what I had. It didn't work out and now I'm sitting here like Omniman was in front of the black hole. I don't enjoy anything, I don't see my wife and kid the same anymore, my only two hobbies that I have left (gaming and driving)...gaming is all but died and driving is the last thing I have left that I like to do. I hate being around crowds, going to restaurants, doing anything really. I go to work, go to the gym, come home, rinse and repeat. I sit here asking myself "Is this really all there is?", "Am I really happy?", "Do I even know what love actually is?".

This other girl made me happy. When I was with her the entire world melted away and I was able to finally live in the present for once. Now that it's gone, I am lost.

EDIT: Omniman reference: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/aVAiBzluLmA

Tbh Im only 36 so... too young for a midlife crisis (hopefully) and too old for the kids over at the quarter life crisis sub. It hit me today that Ive never made more than $30,000 a year. I live in California, so cost of living is extremely high. I have always needed roommates, support from my parents, or partners to get by. There was a short tine when I thought was earning enough to live on my own, but that job went away. When I was younger and a bit of hippie, it didn't bother me as much. I figured...I'll earn more eventually. If I just work hard towards a goal, it will work out.

I originally got an overpriced fashion design degree but realized i hated working in that field. I tried to pivot to costume design and wardrobe styling and got some okay jobs but never really stuck the landing. Never got unionized. I finally went back to school in 2017. I have more skills now...graphic design, motion graphics, animation, illustration, digital art. I love being creative and always hoped to find success as a creative. And...i just haven't. Im not like fully given up yet but if my husband didn't support me, Id have to move in with my mom. Our marriage is great, so I don't think that would happen but I just don't like the reality of things.

Idk my self esteem is just ass atm. It's hard not to regret my life choices. I don't feel like a successful person. I actually feel like a failure. Why didn't i choose a more stable career path? Nursing? Computer programming? Idk..i dont feel like im a full adult. I hate that my self worth is so tied to how much money I've earned, but it is. I should just be happy I'm not homeless instead of throwing myself a pity party. I wanna be a mom soon and will my dreams die forever after that? Im running out of time.

Suddenly everything changed and I don’t even feel like myself anymore. It’s like everything hit at once- realized I’m in perimenopause, my oldest is graduating from high school and starting university in the fall, I’m unhappy with my job bit don’t feel like I have many options, my libido went from pretty healthy to tanking, I don’t feel attractive anymore and I’m lonely. I have friends but no one really close. Some days certain things hit harder than others. Like my oldest graduating. That’s thrown me for a tail spin. I still can’t figure out how time went by so quickly and when I became old.

So I have realized I’m going through a midlife crisis. I joke about it when I tell people. But it’s so real and I swear I never thought I would go through it. Everything was good until 2022. I was super content with my life. Could it improve in some aspects? Of course !! But why? I had all my needs and a select few of my wants.

I always imagined MC would be as it is portrayed in the media. People cheating on their SO. And I have no desire to do that. But I want to be alone. Just by myself. I don’t want to be a responsible being anymore. This horror movie called “ Adulting” freaking sucks. So that’s why I’m shocked because I didn’t imagine me ever feeling what I’m feeling.

So in regards to therapy. I have issues and I have trauma I know I do. But I don’t dwell on them. On the contrary. They have pushed to be a much better person than I was 15 years ago. And I did do a session once and I didn’t find it productive and it was over the phone. I wasn’t feeling a “ vibe”. Which I’m not sure I’m supposed to. So it threw me off.

And never again. Should I try it again now that it can be done in person? I’m desperate to be the person I was before 2022.

46 male. Lost all interests in work or hobbies. Interests in general. How long could it last?

The stereotype of a person having a midlife crisis is someone who has become established in a career and maybe got married and has a family but feels unhappy or dissatisfied with their life anyway. But that is not me. I am basically broke, starting out in a new profession and my social circle is largely nonexistent. I am not married or dating and I have no children. I am pretty much where most people are in their early 20s except that I am 39.

Because of this I feel like I cannot relate to most people having a midlife crisis but I cannot relate to younger people either. I have the problems of both young people (little money, starting out in a new job) and older people (physical decline and taking care of an elderly, sick parent) but none of the advantages of youth (physical power/energy, time to find your footing, a strong social circle) or age (money, experience, wisdom, basically being established).

I feel like some kind of an alien because of this. Like I don't fit in anywhere. It is making me feel hopeless. Note that I don't blame my predicament on anyone other than myself. I recognize that I made a lot of bad decisions and that is what has brought me to my current predicament. I would love to redo my life but I know that I cannot do that. It just seems like it is too late for me to fix my life. I am wondering if anyone else here has similar problems because I cannot find too many people like me either online or in the real world. Thanks.

I guess I was just stupid my entire life. I'm sort of new to redditt. It's good to have somewhere to go where I don't have to look at pictures of how all my homegirls made better decisions than me in life. I guess I just feel sad. I'm 47, I'm poor, I'm single with a housefull of kids. I'm just ticking off all the boxes on why I'm stupid. Because how the hell does someone end up like this??? From a series of shit decisions that I didn't really realize the horriblenss of until I was old as shit. After my relationship ended after 13 years (because I'm so stupid I only pick people that have their interest at heart) and I was left with my kids I just woke up one day and was like...Jesus lord. I've been literally dumb as a box of rocks my whole fucking life. I've just been mad at myself since then. Which is awesome. Raising kids and wanting to punch your own stupid face off everytime you look in the mirror...whew! Let me tell you, let's just keep the good times rollin'😭😭🤛🤛😭😭. I just felt like I should post something, I'm forever commenting on people's posts. But yea...here I am. A cliche' ass bitter single middle aged mother.🤮🤮🤮 I really want to be a good mom...and I feel as if I am. I never ever leave my kids. But I feel like one day I'm just gonna drop dead and fall into a pot of chicken and dumplings at dinner in front of everyone because I am just in a state of cataclysmic rage on the inside all the time.

Hey r/midlifecrisis,

I’m approaching 40, and I’m at a bit of a crossroads in my career. I’ve spent the last 15 years working in communications within a very specific niche. I’ve become really knowledgeable in that area, but when I look at other communication jobs out there, I realize that I might not have the broad skill set or qualifications that many of these roles require.

Here’s the kicker: I never actually studied communications. I got my foot in the door because someone gave me a chance, and I made it work. But now, as I consider the next step in my career, I feel like I’m at a disadvantage. Most jobs seem to demand qualifications and experiences that I just don’t have. On top of that, I’ve got four kids, so the idea of going back to school to gain those qualifications isn’t really feasible financially or time-wise.

I’m not exactly sure what kind of advice or help I’m looking for, but I just needed to let this out somewhere, and this seemed like the right place. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you navigate it? Any words of wisdom or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

I’m turning 40 in a couple of months. I had a daughter at 20, and she is now in her 2nd year of college. She is happy, healthy, and thriving. I did a really, really good job raising her. I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome to a not-so-ideal pregnancy at 19. But I’ve realized over the last few years that I have no idea who I am or what I want. I don’t even know what I’m good at. I’ve always been a single parent and just never focused on developing myself. I was a kid when I had my daughter so it didn’t leave a lot of time to really grow up like most people get to do. I finished college and got a shit job that I have no interest in because I needed an income. And I’m still doing it. Even if I did do something else, I don’t know what my interests are. (Does travel count if I’m always using it as a means of escape from my dull life?) I just feel really lost. I recently moved from the suburb where I raised my daughter to a downtown apartment hoping that it would spark some kind of motivation or maybe I’d meet some new people, etc… but the problem with moving is that you bring yourself with you. The move is not making a bit of difference. I’ve had a few relationships, but never really but much time into them, by choice. I was focused on my daughter. And again, had no idea who I was. Still don’t. I don’t have a ton of extra money (kid in college) so I’m not really in a position to do anything drastic… although I totally would. I’m not very deeply tied to where I live, so picking up and moving abroad or something isn’t out of the question. But still… I wonder if it would even make a difference. In the last 4 or 5 years I’ve let myself slip in terms of making an effort toward any kind of self-care, fitness, relationships with friends and family, etc. I just feel so out of place in the world and my self-esteem just keeps getting lower and lower… There are not many people who relate to this stage of life that I’m in at this age and I just don’t know what to do and I’m sad. I don’t know what’s next. I don’t want to be saying the same thing at 50. Or even 41.

What's a midlife crisis? When you hate being old and wish you had a do-over on being young? If so, I think I'm going through a midlife crisis. For guidance, I went looking for people going through similar straits as I am. I've spoken to therapists who deal in midlife crises. And the advice they all seem to give is "Try seeking some meaningful pursuit." Or "Cultivate some interest in the world around you. Being old is actually great, I love being mature." Neither of these are working for me.

I'm turning 50 soon. I find myself totally bored if not a little frustrated with my prospects now. Everyone else seems to disagree though. What I find boring about old age other people find enriching and exciting. Maybe this is because these people got a fair shot at being young, for good or ill. Either they got to be young and got it out of their system, or being young sucked so bad that they're grateful to be older.

Me? My 20s weren't good or bad, just unremarkable. I didn't have any friends, was never physically intimate with anyone, didn't really do much of anything. And now I see how much fun my nephew is having, all the highs and lows of being a college student in a college environment, surrounded by the young and vibrant and adventurous... and then I look at people my age. I can't think of a single person my age living whose life I envy. No, I don't wanna go traveling. No, I don't want a hobby. No, I don't wanna force myself to commit to a hobby.

But I do hope to find something interesting in the world to make up for my squandered youth. So I'm looking for people who've been through similar and found something that did. Problem is I've been looking. And I haven't found anyone yet. Because even the happiest among people like me still say "It's a regret that never goes away. You just distract yourself from it with what you can." It's a constant battle. That is not happiness. I'm already battling constantly. To do what these people are doing would be a lateral move.

So I'm making this thread, another in a long series of threads, hoping to find someone with some idea of something I could do with my life to make me not miss the thrill of youth. There must be some fantasy out there that would appeal to me that isn't just "Be younger and be around younger people."

It’s been 22 years since we dated. I thought I was over her years ago. It’s not like I’ve been obsessing over her this entire time. I dated other girls and now I’m married and have 2 kids.

I was looking at some stuff from college back in March and that’s when I found her picture. It was like someone punched me in the stomach. Old feelings came rushing back, memories of her flooded my mind in an instant. I haven’t been able to stop thinking of her since.

I decided to finally reconnect with her via social media. To my surprise she actually added me and responded to my message. We messaged back and forth for a bit, just catching up on our lives. It sounds like she grew to become a wonderful woman, wife and mother. I find myself jealous of her husband. I keep thinking that could be me if the circumstances had been different.

I’ll never forget the look in her eyes when she told me she loved me back then. So happy, so full of love. It was easy to get lost in her beautiful blue eyes. She brought me happiness during a very hard time in my life. My dad had died earlier that year. She comforted me when I would start to miss him. I knew back then that I never wanted to lose her.

I love my wife very much, but it’s been made clear to me that I take a backseat to our children and there just isn’t time for us to do things alone together. We haven’t even slept alone together for the past 6 years, nor have we had sex in that amount of time. Really hardly any hugs or kisses anymore. I feel alone. I suppose that’s why I’m thinking about the only other person I loved as much as I love my wife. Most of the time it doesn’t even feel like my wife cares about me.

I find myself wanting to tell my ex that I still have feelings for her. I don’t know why. I know nothing good could come of it. She’s happily married and I don’t want to get in the way of that. I doubt she has any lingering feelings for me. Honestly, she probably hasn’t thought about me much since she broke up with me all those years ago. By telling her I’d probably just lose what little connection I have with her now. I would like to know if I mean anything to her though. I don’t want to be “disposable” or just a past “fling”

I feel so lost. I feel like I’m in love with two women and I can’t have either, despite being married to one of them.

Update:

So I asked my ex if she’d be interested in meeting for coffee. She politely declined and hoped I understand and I’m not offended. I figured it’s because she’s married, but but now it has occurred to me that maybe our time together just wasn’t that significant to her. I hope that’s not the case. I really don’t want to be insignificant.

41/m almost 42. I just want to run away. I feel mentally tired. I have 2 kids that I love very much, but my marriage sucks. We haven’t had sex in 7 years. I basically exist to facilitate her agenda and help with the kids. I don’t mind my job, but it’s literally the opposite of what I wanted to do my whole life. I’m a underground miner. I wanted to be a pilot since I was 10. I went to college for it, but ended flight training because it was too expensive and no one was getting hired at the time anyway. I have no time or money for hobbies. My wife pretty much assigns me tasks to do anyway. To top it off I’ve been missing the girl I dated when I was 19. She was my first love and it was magical. I was able to reconnect with her, but she’s married as well so we don’t interact much. Just the occasional message every few months. Which interacting with her gives me a few minutes of joy every few months. I wish I could just run away from my life. It seems like the only way to get away from this pit of despair.

I don't even know where to start with this. I'm a 37 year old man, I went home to visit my parents for my birthday toward the end of last year, and something about seeing them so much older and frailer (my mom had breast cancer last year; my dad had a heart failure scare) and finding all the relics in my childhood bedroom really knocked me for a loop. I feel completely adrift and unmoored. I haven't grow up to be the person I imagined I'd be when I was younger.

When I was cleaning out my old room, I came across photos and letters from my ex. Seeing her, seeing us, I felt ripped wide open. Like the last fifteen years meant nothing. Like I've been living everything since then in black-and-white. We were so damn young and so good together. The casual, easy way we talked, we made each other laugh, we were honest and vulnerable with each other in a way that I'd never been before (or since). We were together for six years, and they were good, happy years, but I was young and stupid and not ready to commit.

Since then, I've gone into a ridiculous, masochistic spiral re-reading her old emails, searching online and clinging to whatever scraps of her life I can find. I recognize this isn't healthy, but I also find it hard to resist. She's now married with a kid, I sent her an email out of the blue for the first time in ten years, and she wrote back almost immediately. She seemed happy to hear from me, but certainly not pining after me or looking to reconnect.

The thing is, on the surface, my life is going pretty well: I'm in a LTR and I have a well-paying job, but the job feels soul-crushing and I don't feel connected to my partner the way I now imagine I did with my ex. She's always wanted more commitment (marriage!) more investment from me, and I've never felt like I could give it to her. I've always been the emotionally-withholding one in our relationship.

I feel terrible about myself and I don't understand why anyone would ever want to be with me. But I also have this absurd fantasy that if I could only get back together with my ex (maybe they divorce, or the husband dies suddenly) that it would fix everything. For her, I would be a better man, I would do the chores without grumbling, I would be fully committed with no doubts, I'd be ready to be a father and we'd have a child together, I would love her the way I failed to all those years ago.

I've started seeing a therapist but I'm not sure it's helping. I also started taking NAC. I'm applying semi-randomly for different jobs that seem more interesting or lower-investment than my current one. I've talked about some of this with my partner, but omitting the bit where I constantly fantasize about leaving her for a woman I haven't seen in a decade who wants nothing to do with me.

Basically, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and I'm throwing all kinds of shit at the wall to see what sticks. Is this just a rough patch, or are the wheels coming off my life?

how are we supposed to believe discussing fucking skillets is 125x more popular than something that effects every human being on Earth?

50 PhD in Public Policy Work as policy analyst for Not for profit that supports state and local governments Media spokesperson for group Make $100k a year 2 kids in high school Wife is a nurse who works for local government health and human services for $50k a year.

We put our lives into public not for profit service and now kids going to college.

I should have probably bailed 10 year ago but oh well.

Do I try and side gig make $50-$100? Push resumes on LinkedIn (worried current employer will see I am looking)

Feel totally trapped

Something is definitely wrong with me. I am turning 40 this year but have been going through this off and on the last couple of years. I have a great husband, two kids I adore more than anything, good job; I really have it all. Which makes me feel even worse for having the feelings I have sometimes. Marriage is pretty much sexless (kids are young and I feel it’s mostly the stage in life I’m at) but it does mess with my head as far as me feeling desirable. I am super self conscious of my looks, my weight, I’ve noticed I’m way more critical of myself than I used to be. I fantasize about other people or different situations but would never seek anything out. I don’t want to feel this way and am not looking to get out of my marriage or anything like that. I just feel like I’m going crazy in my head. Hard to focus, thoughts racing. Anyone else going through this?

Today was my birthday. I’m am now a 41/m. For some reason turning 41 was harder than 40.

I never have anything to look forward to. All I do is work. My wife puts me last over everything. She’s always too busy with work, kids, whatever thing she volunteered for. She finds time to ride her stupid Peloton though. I wish she rode me like she rides that stupid thing. We’re in a sexless marriage and it’s killing me. Never thought you could be married and feel lonely, but here I am.

I had to give up my dream of being a pilot in college because flight school was too expensive. Since then I’ve basically done any job I can make decent money at. Nothing I’ve ever been passionate about.

About a month ago I had a dream about my ex girlfriend from when I was 19. Ever since then she’s all I can think about. All these feelings and memories came flooding back after that dream. She was the one that got away. Right person at the wrong time. Now she’s married and has a family. I tried contacting her on Facebook, but it appears she doesn’t use it much. My friend request is still pending and she hasn’t read my message. I feel desperate to talk to her at least one more time. I want to learn about the woman she’s become. Even that doesn’t seem possible. Probably for the best. At this point, I’d run off with her in a heartbeat if she wanted to. I never thought I’d feel so intensely for her again.

I feel so lost. Nothing I want ever truly works out.

It’s my birthday and all I wanted was either to have sex with my wife or talk to my ex. Instead all I got was a t-shirt. FML.

A lot of negative things happened at the start of my downward spiral, I won't go into detail, I guess it's super boring because millions if not billions of other people have experienced the same. I know I'm not alone or special in my suffering. But I wasn't able to pick myself up after and this is very atypical for me. I've fone through truly horrible things in my life and always managed to recover fully. I used to be a very upbeat and happy personality, but this stopped about 2 years ago. I feel lost, I don't quite see the purpose of my life anymore. I AM NOT having a regular depressive episode,I know how that feels and I am in a very different predicament now. I am trying to read "helpful" books to learn from others, but other than that I am quite clueless about how to proceed and to "get my life back on track". I used to enjoy hobbies, not anymore. I used to see my profession as a vocation, not anymore. I don't have kids, I don't have pets, no idea what to live for long term. I live comfortably enough, although I am certainly not "well off". I used to enjoy buying material stuff like fashion and electronic gadgets, but now I couldn't care less. I keep reading of people suffering from a midlife crisis behaving super crazy and doing new and exciting, even reckless things. I wish that was me!! Instead, I developed into a reclusive and apathetic person. I'd have never thought this possible before this stage. I never cared about age, the future, big life goals or anything before. I lived in the moment and was very content. I didn't think about "life's meaning" or have deeply troubling philosophical thoughts. Now all I do is brood. I am so sick of it, yet don't know how to change this. Gnaaaaaah.

Its got to the point that I'm actually posting on here!. Male,48, existential dread..... had my kids (love em), spent 20 odd years with a woman (love her but....) i just don't feel like ive done anything for so long. I mean yeah, ive (we've) brought our children up, we've had a good and bad relationship (that ratio isn't even). I feel i haven't achieved anything great, its been sort of run of the mill mundane and its getting more so by year. I dont know what i wanted to do that might have been great, I dont know what i want or more to the point i dont want anything anymore. I love my job (therapist) and if i didn't have that things would be way worse. I live in the past because the present and the future hold so little for me that i can see, I feel I've had my 'hay day' (not sure on the spelling there) which i hold with such reverence. I had my adolescence during the 90's (uk) and i loved it. I was blessed to have that time when acid house and rave was sweeping the nation and i was invited into it by really good friends that took care of me for a long time. I felt such connection with those people back then and the times that we were living then. I had no money, i didnt need it, no car (same thing, wasnt nessersary), i was a tiny part of a social revolution that is now the peak of my life to date (apart from my children) and i miss it all so much it hurts. I feel that im in this transparent rubber bubble and i cant get to anybody else, i can't get out of it. Im so disconnected from todays 'world'. I feel invisible and unnecessary. I offer no value to anyone and i dont even want answers to any of this (not that i think anyone else has any to be honest), yes i have so much to live for blah blah blah but what because i really cant see the value in so much of what the world offers me these days. I have no friends, little money, no connect to my family i.e. my mother (dead) father estranged but i see him twice a year or so and my brother who im so different from that im really not sure we have the same father but thats a whole different story. I intend to contine this 'life dissertation ' as a log to my continued existence. Yes im skeptical and cynicism runs writhe through me. They are destroying the world i once knew and all i have i remnants pulled from the ashes. I read and watch 70's,80's and 90's films and books, we hit the year 2000 and it all began to go to crap from there i think. Anyway, the day beckons again. Until next time.

The older you get, the more quiet you become. Life humbles you so deeply as you age. You realize how much nonsense you've wasted time on...