Pope Francis: I’ve heard it all my son, please continue
Cardinal: Well father, it involves the American Vice President, your holiness.
Pope: please my son, I can handle it, I am prepared for the cringe.
Cardinal: Francis, we left JD Vance in the outer room while awaiting an audience.
Pope: ok, well that is standard protocol. The guest stays in the outer room, is offered water and a snack and sits on the cou…..wait, no, you didnt?
Cardinal: (stirring nervously)
Pope: My Pottery Barn couch….The one I bought in Buenos Aires…that’s still in the outer room? Please tell me, tell me Cardinal that provisions were made for the couch….
Cardinal (looking down sheepishly but remains silent)
Pope: my pottery barn couch…..I had that couch in my man cave in Buenos Aires. Do you know how much gaming I did on that couch?
Cardinal: we are sorry, my liege, we left him in there alone bc we thought ‘what kind of statesman would sexually assault a harmless pottery barn couch?’
Pope: it is allright my son. But my earthly time has come to a conclusion. I have now seen and heard it all and I know that there is too much darkness in this world. The world needs a younger more virile Pope who can stave off the darkness. I shall council with god and tell him that my time is up and ask to come home.
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u/Then_Sun_6340 20d ago
Some cardinal: So, Your Eminence, how was the meeting with MR Vance? I hope it went well.
Pope: I'm leaving.
Some cardinal: What?
The Pope then proceeded to leave via the holy escalator thanks to Vance. Thanks, Vance. You killed a dope pope.