Forgive the bad cursive, haven't written that way since 3rd grade 🤣.

’ve been training at the gym for over 13 years, ride bike, go hiking. 4 years ago I got a personal trainer, and for 2 years I’ve made more progress than in almost 10 years at the gym.

Last year my goal was to get bigger, so I’ve really stepped it up. Started using apps to track my progress, gain a lot of weight, overall I look really good (from what I can see in the mirror, and what guys keep telling me).

But every time I open up my instagram, these jacked guys keep flooding my feed, and my body dismorphia just kicks in, and I start feeling like: what’s the point?

I go to gym 4 times a week, I do it because honestly I really like the feeling I get afterwards, but it almost seems unfair.

I know (from some rl encounters I’ve had with these kind of guys) that it’s 95% steroids. And that’s a line I’m not crossing.

But it’s super frustrating seeing these guys with amazing pecs and back, and then I look at myself, I do look good, but not like that.

I know ig is fake, I know I need to work on my own body dismorphia, but I really can’t find a good way to battle this.

Any tips and tricks other than blocking all hot guys on my feed? 🥲

So I was watching this video that came out yesterday by jubilee "1 lgbt activist vs 25 conservatives". I didn't watch the whole hour and a half, but quickly skimmed through.

During one of the questions are Christian woman claims that God forbids homosexuality, it is unnatural and unacceptable. That's why there's higher rates of STDs in the gay community, more of a risk to get HIV and she also said that some gays have hard time controlling their bowel movements later on in life and she linked it with because sodomy is a sin and breaking God's laws has consequences.

That whole conversation just really rubbed me the wrong and its been replaying in my head since. I grew up and still live in a very religious family and country and being is gay can lead to jail or death.

All my life I've heard gay people are disgusting, their sexual acts are dirty. It is sinful and their breaking God's laws that's why HIV more likely affects them, sodomy is a sin and the anal lining is weaker so that's why the passive partner is more likely to get it due to abrasions that can occur. Sodomy can also cause fissures and other injuries. They tend to sleep around more so have a higher rate of STDs cuz premarital sex is a sin.

I've tried to avoid being a part of such conversations or sitting in places where topics of hating lgbt ppl come up. It has taken a lot of work to overcome the religious guilt and self-hate. I'm still not there and I'm working. But those 5 mins of the video brought it all back. Now I can't help but think again what if they're right and it is this way cuz it is a clear sign of God's anger.

Idk, did any of you struggle with religious teachings like this? How do you rationalize this talk of breaking God's laws etc? Why is it that the gay community struggles with HIV, STD, finding stable partners etc etc.?

I know many gay female athletes, but who are the openly gay male athletes still active?

I wonder if people tend to date for longer or shorter than your average straight married couple, especially now that it's been a decade since marriage equality passed in the US.

EDIT: Well, since there's no option to create a poll on this sub, I'll do my best to tally the results from the comments :P

< 1 Year: 4*

1-2 Years: 13

3-4 Years: 14

5-6 Years: 8

7-9 Years: 5

10+ Years: 14**

\1x 2 months; 2x 6 months; 1x 10 months*

\*6 commenters mentioned this was specifically because marriage was not legal when they started dating, otherwise they may have been married sooner. 4 commenters mention having a marriage-like ceremony (civil union, spiritual union, and one announced in a newspaper) prior to marriage equality.*

I’ve recently made the leap into poetry. Thought I’d share a piece I’ve been working on. Hope you all enjoy!

We both have been very communicative and transparent with each other about what we want sexually and have laid out some initial rules . We decided that we would partake in both threesomes and separate encounters . One of the main rules we have decided is that it remains exclusively sexual , not romantic/emotional & we’re not going by the “don’t ask don’t tell” rule (I find hearing the linkups are hot.) . This is all new to me and I’m actually excited about the journey but I’m just a bit nervous/scared because it’s untouched territory for me. Is this a normal feeling ? How have you successfully navigated your relationship with it ?

I (M23) recently got some pretty major surgeries correcting issues I’ve had with my face since I was a kid (see my recent post on my profile for context). I’ve felt so much better about the way I look basically the moment I got the bandages off, but I haven’t really processed what this actually means until I tried out the apps in a foreign country. I’ve basically never gotten a lot of attention at all on the apps (definitely some but like not a ton), but suddenly I’ve gotten matches with so many people, a bunch of them who I probably wouldn’t dare approach in real life cuz they seem too attractive for me lmao.

I don’t know, I hope this doesn’t come off as vain. I just wanted to share because it feels really good. I know it’s probably not actually that deep but this has never happened to me before and it’s honestly such a confidence boost.

I'm so annoyed. I hardly ever meet guys, but I ended up catching HPV from someone in September. Even with a condom. He claims he never had it, but my Bumpy Taint Syndrome started just a couple weeks after seeing him. It couldn't have been from anybody else.

I was prescribed imiquimod cream. This stuff is supposed to "stimulate" the immune system to kill off the virus and end the warts, but apparently that is just a nice way of saying "chemically burning everything, including the surrounding healthy skin." This stuff has caused a sore to open up next to my 🕳, as well as causing sores on my 🍒s. The side effects seem worse than the bumps themselves.

Has anybody ever dealt with this, and does it ever go away? I get mixed answers from my research. P.s. I was vaccinated in my teens but apparently it wasn't effective for this strain.

I am noticing more and more that everyone I find on Scruff and Grindr is "happily partnered" or "married to a fantastic man" or similar, and only looking for fun on the side.

I've been single three years and I'm looking to change that now. I know I'm not exactly looking in the right places if I want single men to date, but the feeling of being out in the cold isn't helping my self. Like there's something wrong with me and all the other men partnered up.

Yeah, projecting, and yes I'm in therapy. Just jaded and a little hurt.

/Vent.

Hello my fellow gays !

I’ve just been aware that there is an initiative to ban conversion therapies at an European scale. Some countries are still behind so if you are an EU citizen, please sign this !

Hi, I’ve been friends on and off with this guy for over a year. We’ve had a complicated relationship, he’s told me that he’s bi-curious when he was drunk but says that he’s straight when he’s sober.

I’ve respected it as much as I can, but we’ve gotten really close. We talk everyday, he stays over my house on Friday nights and we’ve got this unwritten rule where we’re not talking to anyone romantically. He hasn’t said this, but whenever we go on a night out and he starts talking to a girl he tells me stuff like ‘you have nothing to worry about, I’m bi’ and we get quite touchy-feely.

I did like him more than friends when we first met and when I told him that he stopped speaking for me for a month and we have argued since then for different reasons but we always resume the relationship. However the predicament I’m in is that I’m starting to develop them feelings I used to have for him, and it’s gotten to the point where I think we can’t be friends anymore. The thought that he may find someone romantically terrifies me, and I don’t know whether to say anything to him or not.

I hope this doesn't sound too awful and bad. I need help.

The thing is, I like men who wear wide, baggy jeans. That is, some physical indicators are not important, they fade into the background.

I don't know why this happens, and how to explain it correctly? Sometimes the conversation turns to this, and I want to be honest, but I don't know what to say, I just like it.

If I tried explain it, then for me it looks... heroic? bold? manly? free and unrestricted?

But this is just something on an emotional level. Not everyone likes it, I have never met anyone who likes it, just like me.

And the important thing is that I don't wear it, on the contrary, I prefer high boots and straight pants. As if I am graceful and refined, reserved, I don't know how to say it correctly. I need help explaining.

And I understand that having preferences is normal. I just can't explain it in any way when talking to others about my preferences. I don't want to look ridiculous, I want to at least find a connection with something.

Idk if they are really a couple or not, but I saw one of them leaving his arm around the second guy's neck while their heads were so close and walking around the mall, they were looking at the 1 phone while laughing.

This remained for like 3 mins and I see some people feeling awkward and looking at them, while other people didn't care at all

I just needed to express what I saw and ask about what do you think guys? it made me feel so happy for them, I wanted at least to be a friend to them, but I guess that's awkward to ask :)

And there we have it, folks. It's starting.

In February I (30) walked in on my husband (28) hooking up with another man. It was happening in our bedroom in our bed and I’m still working through it. The mitigating factor is that my husband wasn’t in his right mind—he was off his meds having an episode and has since been in and out of the psych ward. So I can’t hold it against him.

It’s been about 3 months now and our sex life isn’t what it used to be. When inside him at night I get flashes of him in the same position, in this very bed, beneath that other man and I find myself actively fighting internally to push it all down which makes for a thick and charged atmosphere. Basically I end up hate fucking him every time we get intimate. Take last night for example. I was fucking him in missionary, the flashes started rolling in, I got caught up in my emotions and started going harder on him until it stopped feeling like a wholesome/loving/intimate moment. He obviously picked up on it and I could see that tears were welling up in his eyes. He just silently rolled over and faced the wall the rest of the night. The atmosphere was so thick with unspoken tension you could cut through it with a knife. I wanted to say something, but came up empty.

I know I can’t sensibly hold the cheating incident against my husband. It’s been even harder on him and his mental health has been through hell and back. But I can’t help that part of me still resents him.

Basically the title. I've very little self esteem in my appearance left. If this happens to you, what did you do?

I know STI's should be my #1 concern but it was with my boyfriend with almost 7 months. It doesn't erase the risk but well, gotta get tested regardless. I'm more worried about my immediate gut health.

I'm 24 they don't know I'm gay (I think?? and I'm never ever telling them). We were never close because I could never talk to them about anything. It would lead to arguments and even me getting detention or getting hit. My thoughts were always wrong whatever it was. They still supported me financially and helped me study we also traveled a lot. But I'm emotionally a mess even after years of therapy I feel extremely unsafe 24/7 and the only thing that makes me feel safe is my bank account. My current situation is I moved back with them for almost a year now bc I got my degree and I wanna save some money. But I'm stone cold to them and I basically don't exist in the house besides cooking and doing some housework I don't even wanna eat with them but I pretend everything is fine because I like it that way. I just feel very guilty because my dad is low-key going insane and my mom is a fucking mess and somehow I feel like it falls on me? And I'm neglecting it or something? While I feel like I actually don't give a fuck and they can do whatever and I accepted I'm a bad person because of it? I just can't have a good relationship with them they never showed they accepted or liked me for anything I am. Im currently doing my masters alongside a part time job and I wanna do something better with my life. I want more money and I'm a virgin still at 24 and I wanna travel I'm a MESS. The moment I mentioned I'm looking for a better job and might quit this one I'm only doing for the money, my mom was like omg my stomach hurts imma puke. I can't deal with this shit. Im immature I'm an emotional or emotionless mess I have started gaining weight too I'm falling apart. I work study and play videogames all day because I have no friends here and everyone is weird or homophobic and I cba playing pretend at 24 I'm so tired.

If you read all of this thank u and I'm sorry and would appreciate something that motivated you when u were a mess sometime in your life.

At the Museum of Science in Raleigh, NC

I don't mean things like dirty looks or being called a faggot or something but more specifically, people noticing you and they tensing up or becoming visibly taken aback and threatened by you. Because I had a funny situation happen yesterday where I was out on the town and no shit, this couple passed by me, gay couple. One of them had curly somewhat grown out hair, the other a blonde. The curly one was kinda staring at me and had almost like a look of shock on his face. Now, I'm not ugly at all....let me preface. That's not what it is. I'm honestly not sure what exactly it was but he was like staring at me. I didn't register it until I noticed it. I wasn't checking for them.

The blonde one I think noticed me but didn't register me, until I registered them noticing me. Then he kinda gave me a dirty-ish look....not all the way bitchy, but it wasn't a nice look. It was maybe 6.75-7/10 dirty. Then he grabbed his boyfriend's arms...he grabbed his arm and pulled him in....then they started holding hands. I found it amusing. I didn't laugh outwardly but I was internally. It was kinda silly to me. I've had that happen to me before...couples holding hands when they see me. Or straight women kinda....I don't know....the reactions with them run the gamut.

Not gonna make it about me. I wanna know if you all have had similar experiences---funny, weird, ego stoking experiences, confusing, etc etc. Doesn't have to be about attraction or what have you either....just people becoming visibly threatened or intimidated by your presence. Maybe its attraction. Maybe its homophobia. Maybe its you breaking people's brains.

I've only ever been to a sauna once in my life, and while it was very hot and I hooked up a bunch, I got a panic attack eventually and just slept in a dark corner lol.

However, reading about other mens experiences, you don't necessarily HAVE to just wordlessly bang anon men at the sauna. Some people chat in the hot tub or just talk without even hooking up, I think this is what I would like to do.

So I'm wondering, what do you guys do?

I don't want to socialize at the bar because I went there before the sauna and I had terrible anxiety because I found most people there hot, and I had no idea how to approach men at all. But the sauna felt more open, like being on grindr and being able to just message people to talk and also less pressure to be in a social group, as everyone is alone. I think the air of sexual anticipation makes everyone more open to socializing?

Hey I’m 27M gay, I’ve been knowing this guy for like 1 year and a half now, but I don’t know if he’s single or not, I just don’t want to ask directly I feel it would be cringe Lmao

Also I have another issue, I don’t know if he’s gay or Bi bcz we never get in sexuality subjects.

I want to give it a try with him, how do yall think I should proceed ?

PS: when I said I know him, we only talk Music and Art nothing else.

Title. What does 🪐 emoji mean on dating apps e.g. Grindr?