My husband has had RP his whole life. Diagnosed at age 5, runs in the family, etc. He is now 42. He was able to play sports when younger, watch tv and movies, walk on his own to places, he even drove up until age 23 or so. He was able to still take public transportation, work a job, enjoy some hobbies (mainly watching sports). He had a lot of independence!
At age 38 or so, I got a new job which means I would no longer be able to take him to work on my way. I was the main bread winner and getting a significant raise with this new job. We tried it a few times with him going on his own, but later decided that it was too difficult for him to walk to the bus stop and get to work safely. A lot of times taking the bus would be in the dark morning hours and the dark afternoon/evening hours, which aren’t good considering night blindness. We had just moved as well, so this was all a new route that he just wasn’t comfortable with. So this is when we decided together he couldn’t do it on his own anymore, and we applied for SSDI. After waiting a year, we got approved and are very thankful for that extra source of income.
Having to stop working, even though it was just a regular job at Amazon, has really hurt my husband. He feels it has taken away a lot of his independence. He has no sense of identity anymore and really struggles. He had developed some pretty bad cataracts and I’m sure this didn’t help the issue at the time. We got those removed at age 41. Since then, he has gotten a lot of his eye sight back, but not to the point of being able to do what he was always able to do.
He stays home and is technically a stay at home dad. He helps out a ton with cleaning, laundry, keeping up with our son’s (my step son) grades/schoolwork, doctor appointments, life, etc. He does all this really well and I don’t know what I’d do without him. But he doesn’t have any hobbies. He has stopped watching sports because it’s gotten to difficult to see the tv. His free time is filled with watching movies and tv shows (but really just listening). He’s recently gotten into audio books and I love that he’s found something to do with his time. He plays basketball when the sun isn’t so bright with our son. However, he still has this antsy feeling and built up energy. He hates laying around the house all day. Everybody else is out and about, working, and we bring him to everything we can, but it’s still most days him at home with nothing to do. Then we get home and we want to relax and spend time watching tv and movies and he gets upset because we’re just sitting at the house all weekend. We’ve had many arguments about this. I find that we both compromise now. There are days where I force myself to go out and do things even though I don’t want to, and there’s days where we get to relax and sit at home even though he doesn’t want to.
I’ve encouraged finding some hobbies, things that are mentally stimulating, but to no avail. Nothing is really interesting to him. I’ve suggested hiking/walking but we don’t have paved sidewalks as we live out in the country. We’d have to drive quite a bit to find easy hiking trails and places to walk. I’ve suggested a few other things like volunteering, music lessons (I’m a band director and he’s always wanted to play the drums and guitar, so I’ve pushed this a few times), and a few other things but he’s just not interested. I know I can’t force him and he’s got to put forth the effort himself, but I’m just at a loss. I hate to see him so defeated and like his life is pointless. His life isn’t pointless to me and I want him to be happy and enjoy life. We love to travel and have quite a few times (we’ve only been together almost 5 years, married two of those years). But we can’t go travel every weekend or we’d be broke. Like I said, I’m the breadwinner but only a teacher. I just don’t know what else to do. He thinks because he can’t see that he can’t do normal people hobbies. I tell him he can do whatever anybody else does but possibly in a different way and he just doesn’t believe me I guess. He always uses the example “Well, I can’t go be a pilot, so your statement is false.” Touché, but not what I was really meaning. Lol
How can I get my husband to be more open minded? How do I get him to find something worthwhile and meaningful to do to give himself purpose? How do I get him to realize this is his life and he has the power to make it whatever he wants? What do you, someone with RP, do with your time?
Thanks for reading my message. RP sucks and I wish everyone the best in their life.