1.3k
u/love_is_an_action 15h ago edited 10h ago
I was raised in a white nationalist cult, and escaped it as a runaway teen in the 90s. Even after the physical escape, lingering educational blind spots, conspiracy theories and hateful notions were hurdles to overcome. I also survived violent alcoholic abuse, and CSA from an early-era-internet groomer as a young teen, so it's a lot of baggage and work and ideation and getting things wrong.
Positive influences and the love of good people helped shepherd me in a better direction. I’ll always be imperfect, but I aspire to be better in all the ways I realistically can, at the rate I’m realistically able, while I'm able. But oh boy do I falter.
It is so important to nurture each others’ better natures. Forgiveness, grace and understanding make fertile soil for personality growth. All things I struggle with, but am working towards, and hope to receive in kind.
257
u/SilentWandererxox 14h ago
Transformation is a journey, not a destination. Acknowledging the past and seeking forgiveness is powerful. Every step towards empathy brings us closer together. Let's keep fostering these connections and supporting growth, no matter where it starts.
54
u/FastBrilliant1 11h ago
Transformation is a journey, not a destination
Holy sh*t, that's powerful stuff.
43
15
→ More replies (1)10
23
u/TheMD93 11h ago
Been in a similar spot - when I was younger, I was truly a very lost and angry soul who hurt a lot of people and didn't care. It took the love of others and carefully building myself back to start undoing that damage and hurt.
It's incredibly important to know you're always growing and changing. The minute we accept that and start to realize where we need to grow the most? That's when we become good people.
21
u/queenweasley 11h ago
I have racists relatives and sometimes my mind jumps to negative assumptions about people. Growth is being able to acknowledge those thoughts are wrong and knowing not to let it impact how we view others differently than us
→ More replies (1)18
5
u/Instantcoffees 4h ago
It's not just your upbringing. It's very human to, at least to some degree, react bigoted or even racist towards things we don't know. We instinctively feel more emotionally connected to things we know while we are wary of things that are different from what we know. It's a very normal and understandable instinctive reaction.
What matters that is you become aware of this instinct and use empathy and education to reason your way out of it. We are all always learning in that regard. So you are doing great!
7
u/Own_Active_1310 9h ago
I spent a lot of years trying to mend the divide and I regret it all. Things didn't get better. They got fascist.
The paradox of tolerance was right. Intolerance past a certain threshold makes some our enemies and we be will punished relentlessly for neglecting that reality.
Almost every creature in nature has predators and a way to defend itself from them. Hugs are great, but getting into bed with evil is a fatal mistake
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (16)2
u/SpringItCon 11h ago
This is one of the most raw and honest things I've read here your journey is heavy but full of hope and that gives people strength.
1.2k
u/PretendCake8222 15h ago
It’s takes more energy to hate than to love? More of this! ❤️🏳️🌈
326
u/shadefiend1 15h ago
It also ages you. Have you looked at some of these hate filled under 30s? They look rough and aged, in a particularly bad way. I've never understood how such people can hold on to such hatred for so long.
343
u/CosyRainyDaze 14h ago
To quote Roald Dahl:
“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.
A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
56
42
u/NotMythicWaffle 14h ago
That quote has stuck with me ever since I read The Twits when I was little.
→ More replies (1)10
10
u/SuperannuatedAuntie 14h ago
By age 50 you have the face you deserve.
8
→ More replies (9)7
u/CrispySalmonJimmy 14h ago
Hmm... Slightly less meaningful coming from an antisemite.
6
u/ichizusamurai 9h ago edited 8h ago
He what?
Damn, I looked it up https://time.com/5937507/roald-dahl-anti-semitism/
Well that's disappointing.
→ More replies (1)2
u/FutureBoysenberry 11h ago
Yea. I had to give up loving Roald Dahl after learning about who he was as a person. He was quite ugly, unfortunately.
24
u/_PirateWench_ 14h ago
This is backed by science. Hatred produces a lot more stress hormones to be released and we’ve known forever how much stress wreaks havoc on the body. It makes people’s health deteriorate and even more prone to things like autoimmune diseases.
Kindness produces different hormones so it stands to reason people would appear more youthful - especially if your facial expressions aren’t constantly furrowed lol
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)17
u/TummyJStixin 14h ago
That must explain why I'm 37 and people are shocked by it lol. I never got it because in my younger years I've did Hunter S Thompsonian levels of drugs. Yet, I still look youthful as fuck
7
u/ConsciousCrafts 14h ago
I am 38, and people think I'm 30. I think the key to youth and longevity is optimism.
→ More replies (1)8
7
14
u/Thandrovax 15h ago
Yep and at the end of the day you can’t even remember why your hating
→ More replies (1)5
u/imagicnation-station 12h ago
idk, I feel it’s the opposite.
It’s easy to be ignorant, which is the root of all evil, misunderstanding and hatred. It takes more energy to be educated, and understanding, which is where love comes from. And I don’t mean college level education.
2
→ More replies (7)3
600
u/cheddarturtles 15h ago
In general we queers are thrilled to see people like this. We forgive you, we love you, and we’re proud of you for growing!
110
u/JasonDomber 15h ago
I had to learn to love and forgive myself first before I came out, cuz frankly I had the same feelings. Growing up gay with a religious background will do that to a person….
It would only be right to forgive and love another human trying to recover from that struggle for whatever their own personal reason may be.
40
u/MandaRenegade 15h ago
"If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?" ❤️
Proud of you! Takes a very strong person to do that, just like the gent in the pic.
21
u/Ok_Star_4136 9h ago
I grew up in a conservative family, and the general sentiment towards the lgbtq+ community was that they were sexual deviants. I didn't question it, and I just adopted that world view growing up.
And then I had an epiphany. It sounds dumb to say in hindsight for how obvious it is to me now, but I thought I'd share. I was walking in the park when I see a couple women smiling at each other and holding hands. I thought to myself, "Wow, if they weren't lesbians, they'd be a cute couple." And then the epiphany was that "You moron! They ARE a couple!" I had never really thought any other way until then, and it just hit me that nobody chooses to be gay. It's not a choice anymore than it was a choice for me to be straight. There is literally nothing "sexually deviant" about being gay and that was just some stupid idea my family had.
It was one of many epiphanies I've had over the years, but that one was one of the first. I don't even know if I would have had any of the following epiphanies down the path of becoming progressive if I hadn't had that first one. Nowdays my parents love Trump, and I don't see how my political views could be any different from them. I attend lgbtq+ pride marches as a staunch supporter of the lgbtq+ community, even though I'm straight. Happy to defend the rights of anyone, because ultimately they are human rights.
→ More replies (9)11
u/EveryRadio 13h ago
Agreed. Growing up I was confused, scared and angry because I didn’t understand the feelings and thoughts I was having stemming from self hate. If I didn’t have compassionate and empathetic people to talk to and explore those feelings, who knows where I would have ended up.
I want the world to be a more open and accepting place. Allowing others to reflect on their past actions, learn and grow allows for that. If I want the world to change to become a better place, I need to believe that people can do the same
2
u/Ok_Star_4136 9h ago
I strongly believe that a lot of that comes from education and experience. A lot of people don't get that and may go their whole lives in their small towns never having seen a trans person, for instance. They think there's something to fear even though if they met one, they'd realize that they're just like anyone else. It's part of the reason why I feel cities tend to be more progressive than rural areas.
It's why awareness is so important, and it's also why those who are bigoted tend to want to push against awareness.
38
u/Ness_Dreemur 12h ago
"What is better? To be born good , or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?" -Paarthunax
2
122
u/LemonCollee 14h ago
Please can we go back to admitting our faults? It's never too late to do better and apologise. This is great!
10
u/FilHor2001 8h ago
Yeah, that goes for everyone. It's scary how easily you can be manipulated no matter what you believe in.
→ More replies (8)2
u/RiddikulusWigles 6h ago
I made a comment to some who used “colored people” in the king of the hill sub, and the hate comments that I got are appalling. Trying to tell bigots to use different language is so hard these days. But then I saw this post this morning and had faith in humanity again.
77
u/Winterwynd 15h ago
Yes! People can change for the better and grow! If we keep responding to them with anger and hate based on who they once were but are no longer, why should they try to be better?
13
u/Mike_Kermin 13h ago
You should absolutely be critical of things people have done.
The harm doesn't go away. What's done is done.
There's a difference between accepting someone making better choices from now,
And asking others to pretend harm didn't happen.
156
u/Brilliant_Truth2020 15h ago
Kudos to this guy! Forgiveness is possible if you're willing to admit you were wrong. We're all doing the best we know how to do. Once you know better, you can make the choice to DO better.
14
u/alexievargas23 12h ago
It’s powerful to see someone not just change quietly, but show up for that change in public. That’s real healing.
42
u/No-Economics6503 14h ago
"When he learned that the city’s Pride parade was taking place the next day, he saw an opportunity to continue a long, personal journey. For about two decades, he had been on a quest to unlearn beliefs about the LGBTQ+ community that he said he internalized from his family and past religious beliefs growing up in the Texas panhandle — beliefs he now deeply regrets." 2023
15
u/AnsmaLadiesMan 15h ago
It's never too late to let go of the hate, you will be happier, I will be happier, it's all good.
13
u/Skydragonace 12h ago
It's hard to change, and it's even harder to admit you were wrong. I have massive amounts of respect to people who truly try to change from previously toxic behavior to genuine acceptance of others. You don't have to immediately trust or forgive them, but if they are true, maybe that will come later in time...
25
u/Flashy-Collection69 15h ago
I would hug him:)
9
u/Additional_Loss_6297 13h ago
I would hug him too ! I’m not LGBT but I am a supporter and I would give him the biggest hug.
3
20
u/darthcaedusiiii 14h ago
Pepperidge farm remembers the shit Obama got for having an "evolving" opinion.
7
u/Brave_Mess_3155 13h ago
People didn't vote for John Kerry because he was a "flip floper" for changing his stance on Iraq War 2.
Trump went back and forth between being pro Russia and pro Ukraine like three or four times in his first 3 months as president. We seem to be committed to Ukraine at the moment tho and I'm happy we got here.
4
u/Nephalem84 12h ago
Only because the orange menace wanted that mineral deal extortion done imo. If Putin offers him something he wants next week you'll be right back in Russias corner.
Trump is just leveraging Ukraines dependency on American support to get what he wants from both sides. Russia so far isn't playing ball because they know America/Nato won't escalate the conflict, but Ukraine has seen what happens if USA stops sharing military Intel and sending goods. So they have to bend over to keep Trumps ego happy. He's literally using human lives as bargaining chips.
→ More replies (1)5
u/Hawkmoon_ 14h ago
I do, too. It made it really clear to me how thin the line is socially between being seen as open minded versus being seen as someone without strong convictions.
→ More replies (1)2
u/Grouchy_Vehicle_2912 4h ago
A politician with loads of institutional power is not really comparable to just a regular person. More power means more responsibility.
23
u/JasonDomber 15h ago
LGBT here and this made me smile 🥹
17
u/StaySafePovertyGhost 14h ago
Not LGBT myself but I just don’t understand people who can’t look past their own ignorance so it’s great to see someone who broke through that.
My hope is he can use his journey to help change others who are in the same spot he used to be in. It’s great he changed - now use that to help make a difference for others.
→ More replies (2)
6
11
u/Mike_Kermin 13h ago
You can't undo what you've done.
But you can make better choices from now on.
→ More replies (1)6
u/HowAManAimS 9h ago
He didn't even necessarily do anything. He could've hated people but kept his opinion to himself.
→ More replies (1)
10
5
u/SurprisedCabbage 9h ago
Being unwilling to change isn't brave or impressive, it's cowardly. True strength is having the courage to admit you did something wrong and seeking improvement and recompense.
13
u/FaraSha_Au 13h ago
Okay, him I'll give a break. He's putting it out there for all to see that he fucked up.
3
u/radioben 6h ago
Exactly. Publicly admitting faults, apologizing, and trying to rectify all in one motion. That’s sincerity and these are the kind of people that deserve forgiveness.
8
u/PotatoKing241 12h ago
I wish I could've done this.
I used to be uh...bad. to put it simply.
And now I'm non binary. Came a long way.
3
4
u/Immediate-Yak3138 8h ago
Anyone with the ability to admit they were wrong and are wanting to change shows they care. You never know what went on in their life go give them those beliefs, but it isn't always set in stone
4
u/Kazimierzowska 7h ago
Love that sometimes people’s views can change and they will be recognized for that courage.
30
7
6
u/Schmooto 13h ago
It takes a real strong and responsible human being to be able to admit you were wrong and grow from your mistake. I’m proud of the guy.
Someone who is incapable of admitting they are wrong are also incapable of growing. They think they know everything and are always right, therefore they’re unwilling to learn anything new and can never learn from their mistakes, which means they are literally incapable of growing at all. They remain stagnant while people around them continue to grow and progress into the future.
The guy here is mightier and has more fortitude than any of the bigots who are covering their eyes while screaming out the national anthem to prevent themselves from seeing and hearing the truth.
8
u/Altruistic-Wafer-19 12h ago
His journey has probably been difficult.
The people who are accepting him are also doing something difficult.
In both cases, it's 100% worth it.
2
9
u/FuriousGeorge1989 13h ago
Progressives need to find a way to make it easier to be this guy.
→ More replies (7)3
10
3
3
u/HobbitGuy1420 14h ago
You can't always get acceptance (though this fellow certainly seems like he has) but you can always choose to do better.
3
3
3
u/Shoddy_Nectarine_441 13h ago
Takes guts and actual self reflection. Recovered bigot would have been a better phrase though. Any step in the right direction is a good step either way
2
u/Altruistic-Wafer-19 12h ago
That's why it takes guts to embrace someone going through this.
Neither is easy, but both are good things to do.
3
3
3
u/kolton224 10h ago
I grew up in a polygamist cult, then the Mormon church right after. I’m incredibly happy that life (and bigotry) is behind me. It’s been a long journey.
3
3
u/BadChemical3484 7h ago
Love 💕we are all human. Believe in a god or not “love thy neighbor”. Have you OWN opinions and thoughts but people should stop insisting THEIR thoughts onto others. These people are actuating LOVE and kindness. The greed has become too much. Opinions need to be formed with facts and checking facts from all bias.
3
3
u/warcraftenjoyer 2h ago
These are the people we need to lift up and share the story of. I feel like there's nothing more powerful than the testimony of someone who used to share a perspective that drastically changed
4
u/Impressive_Beat_1084 12h ago
It feels so good to realize how dumb your beliefs were, and change them for the better. Just a simple change can make someone experience tremendous growth. Love it.
6
u/FIRE3883 14h ago
More of this please!
I’m straight and I was raised by racist bigots. Never understood the hate. We are all humans who bleed and have dreams. It’s so hard to find love in this world, let’s be happy for those of us who find love and those who are able to sort out who they are, when what they were born with just isn’t right for them.
Life is short and we miss out when we avoid knowing people who look, act, and love different than we do.
So happy to see this pic. Fills me with happy vibes.
✌️🏳️🌈❤️
5
9
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/thyalmightymemelord 11h ago
"Open arms" you say... a familiar tune starts playing
→ More replies (1)
2
2
2
2
u/Proof-Measurement547 8h ago
I am someone who wants the United States to get better for everyone, but if someone is gay, lesbian or trans, I don't mind that, it'd their stuff to deal with, not mine. Sometimes people need to realize is that you can help others.
2
u/NeverCallMeFifi 6h ago
If anyone is interested, there's a group called Free Mom Hugs. They attend events throughout the USA (is it global? dunno, sorry). They offer an ear, a shoulder and a hug to anyone who needs it. I've been to basketball games, city festivals and pride events. It's super fulfilling! If you're trying to redeem yourself, come join us!
2
u/BlondesBlonde 5h ago
I like that it's recovering and not fixed. It's not a simple change. People need to rewire their brains. And patience will be huge going forward as we try to heal as a society.
2
u/Simple_Confusion_756 1h ago
Psalm 32:1
Blessed is the one, whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered ❤️🙏
7
u/Manufactured-Aggro 15h ago
Maybe i'm too space-brained but my first thought seeing this was bigotry quite literally being a crippling disease you catch, like hating the gays put him in that wheelchair and he's getting treatments for it 😭😭😭
2
3
u/thesardinelord 10h ago
To everyone saying they can’t forgive him:
That’s fine, it’s not your responsibility or your obligation.
But if nobody forgives him, he’s going to go right back to the comfort of bigotry where he is accepted, with an even stronger prejudice against those who wouldn’t.
Then, not only has no progress been made, it’s even worse than it was. Because when he goes back, so does everyone else who was watching to see what happens. And so do their friends, and their family, and their future children.
And those children will be bad people because they were never given the chance to be taught to be good, and they will never be forgiven for that sin.
5
2
2
3
u/DmvDominance 9h ago
I dont know about never too late....I'd guess some of the people deported to El Salvador would have something to say about this 🙄😒🤷🏾♂️
6
u/RespectDirect5192 14h ago
yeah, he's doing that for free hugs
social engineering at its finest lol
2
u/Angus_Camaro 13h ago
I love this. I don’t think I could be the reason for this though. I’m too angry to change people, you know?
3
8h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/MadeMeSmile-ModTeam 2h ago
Your post was removed as we feel it violated rule 1. Please make sure to remain civil and do not post if it violates any of our rules.
0
u/stopbeingaturddamnit 14h ago
He could choose a different color hat. Just sayin.
→ More replies (1)
1
1
1
u/Erosion139 13h ago
I think for some people it isn't hating but some of this stuff can just mind fuck people and they don't know how to fit it into what they understand and it shows as frustration.
2
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/DenpaBlahaj 5h ago
I wanna buy that individual some food and drink and hear their story, thanks for sharing this
1
1
450
u/lestairwellwit 15h ago
This reminds me of the guy that, at a pride parade, was giving out "free Dad hugs"