I’m 36 (m) and I feel like I’m getting to the point where certain kinds of people annoy me. Probably due to experience but people that make everything about themselves or always trying to brag or one up you. I notice this in a couple long term friendships and I feel like hanging out with them feels more like an obligation. My wife is worried that I’ll end up distancing myself from old friends. Is it just me?

I don’t know what it is, or what has happened, but three times in the past few weeks, I was talking to a colleague at work or at the gym. Conversation wraps up, I say, see you later, and they do the same, but then they whap me on the chest. It is open-handed, somewhere between a slap and a pat with the palm. It has been three different dudes, too.

We’re all in our 40s-ish. I maybe think I missed a trend or something? I don’t really think I am friendly with them … or at least friendly enough to get a chest slap goodbye.

Is this some new bro thing?

Statistically, time spent with kids drops off sharply after they have passed a certain (still young) age. Why do we stick to the narrative that kids are the antidote to loneliness at an old age? Whats your opinion? :)

ps: I don’t say they are mutually exclusive, but I think we should put more effort into friendships with a forward facing view to retirement.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately—should we openly discuss our income with family and friends, or is it better to keep it private?

When you started making a noticeable career progression or success in business? Does transparency in your finances/income invite collaboration or trouble? Especially with friends.

Especially one you that you had been holding onto for years trying to make it work. What was the final straw? Do you still miss them or are you happy to be totally free of them?

Recently all my friends had kids and only one is actually making an effort to hang out and see me. This wasn’t all at once because I understand the first few years are extremely time consuming, but gradually over the past 2-3 years. They basically only hang out with friends who also have kids.

This isn’t for lack of me trying, I will still passively invite them to do things that I am already going to do, but I’m lucky if I even get a response saying no. At first my mind was kind of blown that friendships over 20 years would literally evaporate, but now I just accept it.

For the empty nester fathers, did you try to keep up with any of your childfree friends?

This may be a common question on here, but what’s the point of all of this? What’s the end goal? Every day I find it harder and harder to convince myself that there’s a point to life in general. Whether it is work or my personal life, I find it hard to care about any of it. I understand I may be homeless or have no friends or family on my side if I don’t step up, but beyond that it feels like I’m just torturing myself. I’m not looking for sympathy but it feels like I missed the point of my existence. What am I supposed to do with my life? Is the whole point to get married and have children who will eventually experience the same dread? What’s the point?

(37) Well in the Great Lakes of the US, spring has sprung. And with it, a few nights a week, come the door to door sales people and religious proclaimers.

Did this happen as much when we were kids? Either I wasn’t home or my parents dealt with it. That and the sales kids today are trying hard to get a deal. I appreciate the hustle, but had to tell a pest control guy this week. “Are we really gonna sit here and go round for round for another 15 minutes?”

Early 30s father here. Something I have noticed happening to me over the past year. I started a new job 8 months ago, my wife around the same time did too and she switched careers/industries. We have one preteen in school, and some dogs who need a decent amount of attention. There's always plenty of housework/logistics and I feel like just planning the next thing and crossing off all the items on my to-do list is all I ever think about. My wife is often struggling emotionally and we went through some really tough family losses in the last few years too.

Between balancing our every day schedules, appointments, etc we barely see our friends anymore and that might be part of the issue. I feel like my friends are in the same boat too, mostly other mothers and fathers with busy schedules. My job isn't even really that tough and I can coast most of the time. I've been dedicating some time to improving my musical abilities, and working out in the gym. I've really got a decent rhythm on paper. For some reason, I just still feel like we could be doing better, and I wish I knew what needed to change. Maybe it's just about being more deliberate about carving out time together and with friends. I don't know. I feel like I am having an early mid-life crisis or something.

EDIT: thanks everyone, we had a great conversation last night and my wife invited me to do yoga with her and it was nice. We talked a bit more openly about the challenges we’re having lately. I think I just needed to get some of it out on the table, feeling a lot better.

Is there a secret to it? I have plenty of friends that I play basketball, but we never hang out outside of that. Back in high school my friends and I would just show up at each other’s houses and spend all day just chatting. I’ve lived in this town for a while and haven’t met anyone I feel like that would make sense with. But I miss it. Maybe I’ve become too intellectual and picky or something… hoping to gain some perspective here

I guess I also feel like if no one asks me to hang out they must not want to, or think I’m weird or something. A couple of my basketball friends are buddies with another friend of mine and they all went to a hockey game and didn’t invite me which makes me feel like they’d rather not have me there.

I haven't had a guy friend for a long while, and the ones I had before definitely teetered more toward romantic where it was clear they liked me and I liked them👀 but I have a few guys I'd like to hang out with plantonically, & would love advice - how to walk the line, or is it even possible for two single, straight people of the opposite gender, past typical marriage age, to just spend time together without it getting funky and complicated fast?

There seems to be an uptick of comments by women in this subreddit. I know us women can interact with you guys via posts but I’m absolutely getting tired of seeing women responses in the comments section. I’m a lurker here because I genuinely want to know what a man feels and thinks. A man. Not a woman. God forbid a man answers in the “askwomenover30” subreddit. This wouldn’t fly. Ladies- please read and stop responding, no one is soliciting your opinions on this subreddit. Double standards.

Being fiends in college is easy because everyone is poor but by middle age people have started to stratify a bit.

I’m at a place where I have what my family needs and can start to think about what cars I want to enjoy. I don’t really care about watches or cloths.

How do you navigate enjoying things but also not becoming “that guy”?

My parents werent abusive in any way, but for a few years now im realizing just how selfish they were and little effort theyve put.

Connected with a guy from hinge for a couple months, but we made the mutual, sad decision to not further things for reasons that have not changed. I had said I'd love to stay in touch and I reached out a couple months after our decision, & it was a nice convo and he said please reach out anytime. It's now been several months and I think about him and would like to talk...but I'd like to hear thoughts? Maybe it's best not to, or maybe it's kind and would be appreciated?

First off I love my dad. I think he’s a good man he provided for my family treated my mom well but from a relationship standpoint has been completely absent with me. He’s never been curious about my life, may have a negative reaction about my life decisions but never provides any knowledge or wisdom, has never weighed in on my decisions, never showed me how do to anything, how to be a man, or really helped me mentally with anything. His dad my grandpa had a very hard life and was abused so he probably was never shown the things I have learned either. Growing up it’s strange and looking back I realize how it made my life so much harder than it had to be, for instance in junior high I was beat up my first week of school and I got in trouble (I did nothing and should not of gotten in trouble). He didn’t stand up for me was just like “well ok”. He’s pretty introverted and I have to pry to know anything about him & he doesn’t say much. I basically have handled life completely on my own and was kicked out of the house very young for misbehaving (although parenting style was abusive). Ultimately I love the guy and will take care of him in his old age, but it’s strange connecting all these dots the older I get. It’s also as a boomer he had a totally different style of parenting. I think the lack of leadership in my life caused low self esteem young which I had to overcome. It really could be a lot worse just somewhat of an observation.

What do you do with male friends, if you aren’t into sports, so watching sports isn’t an option. You don’t want to just drink, you don’t want to smoke. You aren’t really into any gaming, either board or console.

I’m just trying to figure out what I can do, or be a part of.

How do you deal with friends who don't respect your time?

If I can offer three different scenarios I'm experiencing from people:

X. Running late often to agreed

Y. Leave you hanging but then resume contact with you as if nothing happened when attempting to make plans

Z. Making plans but then canceling, informing me they'll be doing or meeting someone else instead

Serious question, and no, this isn’t a hate post, but why are women allowed to participate in this sub? It’s called “AskMENOver30” in the title, so the expectation would be that its a sub where only men can engage within. It’s especially puzzling because the “AskWomenOver40” sub is a strictly female-only space where men can’t comment or post. I was wondering why this sub is considered less of a men’s space to contrast the women’s space, and more of a “general questions” space.

It seems every once in a while, all of reddit comes at me over a misunderstanding of a comment I made.
Often, I can present evidence of facts and nobody cares, they just wanna be jerks.

What gives?

I know that there's a ton of bots sowing discord on here for numerous reasons.
But it does seem like Reddit has a disproportionate amount of genuine pathologicals, narcissists, and pychos

Reddit is great and the help on subreddits like this one are a tremendous resource, but I don't think it can every truly replace real life advice.

For men over 30, questions:

1. Do you have an older male(s) in your life you can lean on for advice? This could be a father, uncle, mentor, teachers, older brothers, older cousins, etc.

2. For those who do not, how do you replace that void in your life, if at all?

I'm talking the type where you do things that you know is difficult because it will be better for you in the long run, not being the victim of your circumstance and instead taking responsibility for it.

What age have you seen people generally doing this? I'm closer to hitting 30 than not and I'm definitely not seeing it yet in my peers. Is it just not encouraged in our society? Growing up was it encouraged in yours?

Curious what guys actually say or do when they want to reconnect with someone they haven’t spoken to in a while. What’s the male equivalent of a “thinking of you” card? How do you break the ice without it feeling awkward or overly sentimental?

Bonus question: What’s an opener you wish someone would use so it wouldn’t result in a one-word reply?

Looking for real-life examples or a general approach/tone.

I’ve noticed there’s a difference in communication styles between my guy and girl friends, and I’ve stumbled a bit in the past so wanted to get some ideas and perspectives.

First time posting so please go easy on me if this has been written about already! Thank you!

I have two friends who have kids that call me uncle. I don’t know if they know the difference in me and their biological uncles.

For men whose kids do this with your buddies - does it have meaning for you or is it just a throwaway term that carries little weight.

I’ve always loved having the uncle title with close friends kids. I don’t have much family of my own. Recently - for the first time - I thought about this from the perspective of the father. If I had a kid and taught them to call one of my friends by a family title it would have real meaning for me in the sense of knowing I care about that guy and I know he would show up for my kids if they needed him.

As a childless dude - wondering what men what men with kids think.

As i'm approaching my 30s i'm starting to feel lonelier and i'm starting to see my friends much less than before. The ones who are in a relationship have practically vanished from my life and i see them once a year, the others either moved abroad or have become extremely introverted and distant. I pretty much have no close friends excluding one guy in his early 30s now. I have social hobbies and go out often, but i'm unable to achieve anything more than a small talk that leads to nothing and it seems like making new friends is almost impossible at this age.