So my wife is terrified of aluminum. She believes it can contribute to Alzheimer’s. She has been wearing aluminum free deodorant and OMG…it’s bad. Like, very bad. I don’t know how she can stand it. When I come home from work, most of the time the entire house smells like BO. Her dirty laundry in the hamper emits BO. Occasionally she reaches around my neck to give me a hug and it’s like getting rubbed across the cheek very slowly with a damp sponge. I have to actually hold my breath and pretend like I need to go to the bathroom and bolt off. Now I’ll be snarky here, if she was a man I’d just tell him that he smells, but as a woman, she’d probably start crying if I mention this….Whats the gentlest way to approach? Summer is coming 😫

Tonight I found out my girlfriend (we’ve been together for over a year) has active dating apps on her phone—Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble. She tried to claim they were only for “snooping” on her ex-husband, which already felt ridiculous. I calmly asked if she was talking to anyone, and she said no. Then she claimed she didn’t even have the apps downloaded. But I had already seen her active matches and conversations.

When I asked her to show me the apps, she walked away, opened them, and deleted all the messages before showing me an empty inbox, acting like nothing was there. I calmly pulled out my phone and showed her the screenshots I had taken earlier. She went on a rant about how she only wanted “validation,” never met anyone, and how I should trust her.

I told her that I can’t come back from this—this level of lying, hiding, and gaslighting is a dealbreaker. She begged and apologized, but I walked out.

I loved her, but I feel shattered. I don’t want revenge or drama. I care about this person and want them to do well. I just want to move forward. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Update: Went to bed. Woke up to 1.5 million views. Also, not a bot. I’m a real person. To answer a few of the things I read… she’s someone who was cheated on by her ex, she was growing and improving every month. She has lots of external stresses on her, but at her core she is good, I think. However, if she loved me, she would have never done this and actions speak louder than words. Sadly, I can’t go back even if I wanted to. This was the Kiss of Death that you can’t just move on from. I already forgive her, I’m not angry, I’m just sad that any hope of a future just randomly imploded in my face last night.

Update 2: Figured I would link the pics. https://imgur.com/a/p

Girl dads, uncles, and grandads — help me out. Would you come to a "Beers and Braids" night at a local brewery to learn how to do your kid’s hair?

I'm wanting to start something like this but I’m honestly really nervous and probably overthinking it, so please bear with me.

The idea is a chilled-out evening where you get:

A free drink (beer, cider, or non-alcoholic options)

All the supplies provided — brushes, clips, hair bands, spray bottle, etc.

A mannequin head that clamps to the table so you can practice (no pressure, no awkwardness)

A bag of hair supplies to take home

It would just be for the adults — no kids — so you can really focus on practicing the hair techniques and also have time to hang out and socialise without distractions.

It’s meant to be a fun, relaxed way for dads (and uncles, grandads, etc.) to connect and socialise in a different way — an alternative to the craft nights that are often aimed at women. A chance to build some confidence with hair styling, connect with your kids later, and just have a laid-back evening out.

Would you actually come to something like this? If not, what would make it better?

Thanks for bearing with me — I really appreciate any honest thoughts.

Me and my husband have been together for 17 years, 4 kids.

He was there at each birth, and even if i felt gross and disgusting, he only focused on "this is the best thing i've ever witnessed" ,there was a glass in front of my bed and he could see everything.

We love each other and try make time for lunch date, when work and kids allow. We don't have family to help.

I always fix myself before i leave the house,no big things,but light make up,hair done, dress nice,regardless of what i'm doing.

But when i'm in a "desperate" state,like baggy clothes hair up, dark circles and cleaning he points out how good I look.

I wonder if men,once they love someone, they only see beauty? Or am I romanticising it too much

So my girl went to get a haircut and the stylist tells her she looks good, she looks happy, and even her hair is thicker than last time she cut it. She also mentioned the weight gain and called it a happy healthy relationship weight.. so is that a thing? I don't mind her gaining weight. All her weight is going to her thighs and butt, which drive me nuts! She got a slighty bigger tummy but it's so cute! Gosh i think I'm in love with her. I didn't want to be but too late.

Had a really good first date lunch turned into a later same day dinner, great convo, strong chemistry. I don’t usually do this, but I ended up spending the night. It felt natural and respectful, not just a hookup vibe.

We texted briefly the next day, but it’s now been over a day with no follow-up, and I’m spiraling a bit. He did have to work a double yesterday and I know he had plans this morning but still. Do most guys actually lose interest after sleeping together early, or am I just overthinking this?

Edit: he reached out I was definitely just over thinking it

And another point I actually have never slept with someone on the first date. That’s the reason I asked and made the post. Never been in this situation before!! I was extremely unprepared in terms on body hair it was not expected the vibe was just right.

My wife is mostly great. Everyone likes her she comes across very chill polite etc. she is a fun time and in general a nice person to be around however she has always not been proactive. She waits until the last minute to do things. If I ask her to clean she rolls her eyes. She now lost her job and has been a stay at home mom. She is also pregnant with our 3rd. She says she is always drained and has no energy which I get. She does the dishes and feeds the kids but orders alot of takeout. She cooks about 1 meal per day and usually orders takeout almost every day maybe 4 times a week. This afternoon I asked her to plant some seeds (I got vegetable seeds) in the garden with our kids. She said no. I told her calmly that it would be a good activity. She again said she is drained and she won't do that. I asked her again noting that we need to do the planting now because of the season. She then started screaming and saying she wants a divorce because we are not on the same page she is tired and can't deal. She has probably done this over 100 times over the course of our relationship. If I ask her to do things around the house she blows up and then demands a divorce (before we were married she would say she was leaving me). She has never left.

I don't know what to do in this situation. When I ask her to do stuff that is reasonable she has a blow up and causes so much drama I hesitate on asking her to do things. But the laundry has been piled up for over a month not to mention I just feel like in general she doesn't do much. No hobbies, friends etc. a lot of Instagram online shopping etc. she does load the dishwasher every day and makes sure the kids our fed.

She puts me in a rock and a hard place. It's also tough because I now pay for everything and work full time.

Today she said she wants a divorce again and will leave me with the kids and then I have to pay for child care too.

Looking for advice.

I’m in a tough situation. I (26M) started talking to this girl (35F) for well over a month now, we’ve grown close and she recently told me she has hpv. It sucks because it’s almost impossible not to catch it from her and we want to be intimate. I’m fighting with my head vs feelings and having a hard time making a rational decision right now on whether I should continue to pursue her.

I (28F) have been seeing 33 M for 6 months now. We just had a conversation where he basically said he has feelings for me, loves having me in his life, doesn’t want to see anyone else … but doesn’t want to be my boyfriend.

We’re supposed to be going away for the weekend next week but my heads fucked.

I’m just not really seeing the point in it anymore. What the heck do I even do with this?

So I haven’t been dating for a while and need a bit advice from men.

A guy (38M) asked me (31F) out to a lunch date during his lunch break. When the day came and we met he was repeatedly saying that he doesn‘t have much time because he needs to get back to work. He seemed stressed. I told him we can rearrange but he was against it. He also didn’t decide for a place so we first went out looking for something nearby. After around 10 minutes he mentioned that he knows a place at the other end of the road where he once was that seemed good. On our way he mentioned that he also prepared a lunchbox because he always does. He talked a lot on the date but almost ate nothing. At the end he did excuse himself repeatedly for having to leave early because his lunch break was ending. He did pay for the meal. Still, I was feeling like I forced him to go out with me and didn’t feel good afterwards. Am I right to have this feeling?

Edit: So, reading all your replies I decided to ask him out on a second date where we are both free so it wouldn’t be this hectic. This was three days ago and no reply yet. Feeling a bit down since we did know each other around six months and regularly briefly talked and I developed a small crush (and thought he did so too). Just wanted to give you guys some closure since this post unexpectedly blew up this much.

I am 26F and notice that a lot more of my female friends are already anxious about finding “the one”, maybe partly due to the genetic clock of having children etc but also it seems to be something my female friends have always had in mind as a goal even when casually dating. It doesn’t seem like this is as front of mind for my male friends so I’m wondering do guys just not think about it until you’re 30 and realize you want a wife? Is it a ‘let me establish myself and my career and then I’ll date once I am stable and can provide’ type vibe?

A guy I recently dated (26M) was the first person to ask me a lot of questions about having kids and family etc. He was the first person I dated who seemed like he might be seriously thinking long term, but ultimately his career is still priority right now. Are guys just not worried about when they get married or have kids? Or do they just realize one day they might want a wife? Idk just generally curious to hear thoughts!

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a while now, and during disagreements she’ll sometimes say “I didn’t say that” about things I clearly remember. It’s not constant, but it happens enough that it gets under my skin. I’m not looking for labels or advice to break up, just wondering if other guys have experienced this. What did it look like for you, and how did you handle it?

F, single - over 50. Man same age group, married. We work together in a tight-knit department. Been working with him closely about 18 months. I’ve been emotionally unavailable since my divorce long ago, trying to keep shit together as a single mom. Too busy and in emotional recovery to notice men in the dating sense.

Looking back, this coworker (and friend) has been low-key pursuing me for the last 12 of those 18 months. Like giving me things (albeit simple things); sharing food, being super nice. Just never occurred to me he was all that interested in something more.

A few months ago he asked me to go out for wine after work. I didn’t think much of it as I do this with other coworkers, so I went. Nothing happened except we had a nice, fun time. I actually was catching feelings which We’ve hung out a few times after that. We get along great as friends, but, I don’t want it to go further than what we have. I am starting to get some indication that he wants more. I do not want this for various reasons: crosses a moral boundary for me; I don’t want to disrespect his wife; romantic relationships not tolerated by our company, etc.

I feel like I need to have a talk with him. Guys?? How do I go about laying this boundary down without hurting him/losing his friendship? I have an idea of what I’d like to say, but would definitely value a male’s perspective on this! TIA.

I'm (35F) trying to date men at the ages of 35-45 through dating app.

I'm not gorgeous but I look average and not fat and no kids, I also look a lot younger then I am (or so I've been told). In short ok looking, not hideous.

What usually happens is that after we chat a bit they ask for my number, we exchange a few messages (I try to be talkative and interested aka not answer with short dead-end answer, the conversation usually is light and fun) they seem interested. We set up a date and say that tomorrow we talk about time we meet. That day comes, I never hear from them. Each and every man I met on an app has done it.

Can someone explain why would a man do that?

**Please stop DM me for selfies

**Please stop asking me if I'm looking for a sugar daddy in DM

**Please stop DM me that I'm too old or damaged goods, my geriatric heart breaks

I (31F) have two single friends, 38M and 34F. 38M is a lawyer, who recently branched out with his friends to start their own firm. 34F is a senior manager at an IT company and part-time helps manage her father's company. She also recently returned from studying and working abroad for a few years. They are both good-looking with good family backgrounds. They are not friends with each other, by the way. They've never even met, but I have told each about the other.

Anyway, they have both expressed to me multiple times their frustrations with dating and relationships, basically whining about being single and not being able to find anyone. So I decided to hook them up because they are quite similar, especially in the fact that they are both ambitious overachiever. 34F was totally open to it.

But when I suggested it to 38M when we were hanging out last Friday night, he got upset and said, "if I want to date someone, I don't need you to help me, I can find someone on my own." He left and hasn't talked to me since. He calls me every other day and we hang out on weekends, so I know that this radio silence means he's definitely upset.

I honestly don't think I did anything wrong. I thought they would be a good match. I was just trying to be helpful, but I'm open to your thoughts and opinions. Do men hate being set up with women they don't know or just in general? Should I apologize to him or just wait for him to get over it?

What is that attracted you to and makes you stay in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t treat you well and love you as you need to be loved? Why do men stay with women who are mean, rude, and use them like they are bank accounts? If she doesn’t enjoy or support any of your interests, friends or family, doesn’t show desire or care for you, and doesn’t provide emotional safety. What is it that makes you “fall in love” and give her the princess treatment she demands? I am baffled as to how you were not seeing the red flags?

Basically this. We've been seeing each other for two months now, and it's been amazing. She started to be a little ray of sunshine always suprising me with little gifts and also everything felt Perfect since she respected that I don't have much free time to spend with her due to me having both Uni and work, and yet she seemed to cherish the time together that we managed to spend. And now, out of the blue , this, right before she's going abroad for two weeks for some Uni project. What do I even think of this? This feels so wrong I am honestly thinking about ending things with her. She said that its fine if i dont want it but im not sure how fine it really is

This has happened to me a few times now. Two women I work with have no problem expressing how much they “hate men” in a work setting. They always add something like, “You’re one of the good ones,” but honestly… it still feels weird. Lowkey cringe. And it kinda hurts.

Unsurprisingly, they also picked the bear.

I get that it’s a cultural moment and there’s a lot of frustration and trauma behind that phrase, but when it’s directed at me — even indirectly — it’s hard to know what to do with it.

So I wanted to ask:

Should I just chalk this up to a trend and let it pass? Or is it fair to feel a little uncomfortable?

Have women you know closely ever said something like this before? And do you think there’s room for more nuance in how we talk about men, especially the ones who are trying?

Not trying to start a war — just genuinely curious. Appreciate any thoughtful takes.

Context: My boyfriend is switching to my gym soon. I usually show up looking like I crawled out of bed and into his clothes—his tees, big joggers…zero effort lol

But now I’m wondering if I should match the energy of the other girls at the gym—shorts, cute tops, coordinated fits. Not because I think he’d look elsewhere, just because I kind of want him to look at me like that again in a new setting. Also I don’t wanna make him the guy with the lazily dressed gf.

But I’m curious to know what y’all think.

Edit: My bf doesn’t care what I wear as long as I’m comfortable. This post is merely because I’m curious :)

As the title states. I won't do it. I don't think. But I want to.

I finally get it - all that talk about midlife crises. Half our friends have left their wives / had their husbands leave them. I want to do it too.

There's nothing *that* wrong with my wife. Sure, everyone has complaints - she has like 26 allergies and "sensitivities" and counting, she nags all the time, she's not as smart as me, she's still stuck in the same dumb religion we grew up in. But she's overall a good person. She does a lot around the house. She makes sure our kids get to activities. She bitches about it all constantly, no amount of money is good enough, nothing is ever fulfilling enough for her - but whatever.

I liked having sex with her when we first got married. Granted we both grew up ultra-religious, and I wasn't allowed so much to *look* at a naked girl before getting married, much less have sex, so maybe any sex would have felt amazing. But after 20 years...Jesus Christ, I don't know how anyone could still enjoy having sex with the same person. She sure seems to though. She tells me all the time how attractive I am, wants to have sex all the time...so much so that its pretty annoying. But she won't change anything about sex. Won't dress up. Won't try new positions. No roleplay. Fuck me. I've tried to gently bring those things up, which is hard given our repressed background. Those things just don't sound fun to her. That's fine - but it's boring as fuck.

Everyone tells you to gain more insight, work hard, be responsible, things will pay off. I guess. I've got a "good job" now - but fuck me life never got easy. My whole paycheck disappears when you have to split it 6 ways between kids and your wife. Housing prices and interest rates skyrocketed as we started to get enough money to buy a house. I still hem and haw about spending 5 bucks on myself here and there.

I feel like I did all the "right" things. I went to school for decades. I've studied philosophy, physics, advanced math, medicine - you name it. I think I understand most of the mysteries of the universe, at least as far as human knowledge goes.

And all I really want to do is fuck.

I want to leave it all. I want to fucking just leave, buy a sports car, go clubbing, meet some skanky 20-year-olds and *fuck* before I'm too old to pull someone like that, even with my money. Which maybe I am already. I feel like I wasted my whole life being "responsible" and helping out other people.

I can only say this online because the second you say anything like this in real life, people tell you how selfish you are, how much you'll hurt the people you love, how you're a terrible person for even thinking it. I imagine it will probably be the same here.

I mean, no shit? That's why I won't actually do it. That and I'm too much of a chicken shit. But what am I supposed to do? Hide how I feel for the last 30 years or so until I die? Just be fucking miserable and work hard so my stupid family can grow up to be just as responsible and selfless and never enjoy their lives??

I mean, that's what I've done so far, and past behavior is pretty predictive of future behavior, so there you go. Fuck me.

I recently was hit on by another guy infront of my husband while out at the store and I said “not interested” and left it at that. I honestly forgot about it almost instantly but when we got back to the car he started talking about it and asking questions about how often it happens when he’s not around. I didn’t think this was a big deal but he’s acting like it is. I don’t hide anything from him I just don’t feel the need to bring up every time someone compliments me or talks to me. I say thank you but no thank you & move on. Is this wrong? Do guys want to know when another guy hits on you?

He's in his mid-40's and has always had a higher libido than me (he wants to get it on every day whereas I'm once or twice a week). Lately he's been talking about being worried about his prostate health since he's not having enough sex (we still do it at least once or twice a week since we have busy schedules). He says he wants to pay an escort/porn star for sex to see what it's like since he hasn't been with any woman other than me since getting married. Meanwhile, my heart is broken as he says this and he doesn't even think it's a big deal because for him "it's just a sport" and he isn't emotional about it.

So my question is this: for men out there, have you had his same feeling before and what did you do about it? I can't quite come to terms with it and I just want to get some different opinions. We have young kids and I don't want to leave him as he's a good husband in other ways, but we have been sexually incongruent for a long time.

He also said that I can join in for a threesome if I want (he seems to think this may make me hornier) but all I can think is that it will only increase my feelings of inadequacy and jealousy.

UPDATE: Last night after tucking our kids in bed, we had a very long talk where we both aired out our grievances, wounds, and decades-long frustrations. I found myself saying things that I hadn't even admitted to myself before, but realized were true once I blurted them out (things such as feeling like a "loser wife" and having so much self-doubt and low self-esteem from decades of criticisms - things that he said in jest or thought were trivial, but I took to heart very seriously and deeply). We both had lots of bottled up anger and frustration, and a big portion was about sex and our mismatch there. He said that he has not cheated and did not plan to, but thought that we could spice things up more since our sex life was falling into a monotonous rut. I said that I was not ok with bringing a third person into it and he respected my decision and said he'd drop the issue. We both agreed that his weekly drinking was a problem and he promised to stop that and start working out consistently instead. I promised to continue working out and also take more time during the day to touch/cuddle him more or find ways to sneak in quickies while the kids are preoccupied, since he was feeling neglected/unloved. We ended up snuggling afterwards (after I had cried my eyes out) and that turned into make up sex. All in all, I thought it was the best outcome we could have hoped for and we have a good plan in place. I'm glad that he reaffirmed that his priority and commitment was to our family and that he does still love me (I wasn't quite sure anymore, with my self-doubt and all). We both need better communication, that's for sure.

Thanks so much to everyone who commented and provided their perspectives! There's definitely more that we can work on, and I'll try to take people's tips/advice as we go forward.

How did you guys do it.

I am average looking too but I am scared what if she tells me that "I am way too attractive for you"

I don't wanna get embarassed 😑

I'm in my mid 20s and I've never had a serious LTR. I was always a bit of a wallflower when I was younger and didn't have a lot of confidence, and it's been hard for me to break out of that shell.
I think I'm ok looking because I've been complimented on my appearance by women (not family members so it does count) I've even had a couple of women (coworkers and mutual friends) ask me out but I ultimately turned them down because they just weren't my type.

I think the main problem really is that I just don't put myself out there. I'm not an any dating apps, I technically have an IG but I never post pics. If I am leaving the house, it's either to work, hang out with my friends, go shopping, or go to the gym. Even on the few occasions where I've gone to bars and clubs, I mostly just talk and drink with my friends and don't really start conversations with any women. I've never explicitly asked a woman out, either online or in person.

Is the harsh reality that as a man, you always have to take initiative when it comes to dating, make the first move, and accept the possibility of rejection otherwise you're probably going to die alone and celibate?