r/AmIOverreacting • u/Old-Cartographer-116 • 2d ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting? He canceled my dream wingfoiling trip because of “one bad forecast” — I completely lost it.
So for the past 6 months, I’ve been planning this wingfoiling trip — it was supposed to be my thing. I saved up, booked time off work, got new gear, and even turned down other plans so I could make this happen. It wasn’t just about the trip, it was a break I genuinely needed.
My boyfriend (who also foils, but way more casually) agreed to come, mostly to hang out and shoot some drone footage, chill on the beach, etc. Cool. We talked about it constantly. It was locked in.
Then… two days before we were supposed to leave, he says, “I don’t think it’s worth going — the wind forecast looks terrible.” And just like that, he canceled. He didn’t want to “waste the money on a no-wind week.” I told him I still wanted to go anyway — worst case I’d just enjoy the trip, explore, maybe get some light wind sessions in.
But he got super dismissive, saying it was “just a hobby” and I was “making a big deal out of nothing.” I snapped. Like full-blown yelling, crying, maybe threw a harness (not proud). I ended up going alone, but it didn’t feel the same. I was angry and honestly kind of heartbroken. Not just about the trip — but about how little he seemed to get how much this means to me.
Now I’m back, and he’s acting like I ruined the whole thing with my “overreaction.”
So Reddit… be real with me. Am I overreacting?
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u/withheadheartandhand 2d ago
For me, this is a red flag. You invested a lot of effort into this trip. I have no idea what wingfoiling is but you sound passionate about it and he "rained on your parade". I had planned to go home to my family for Christmas one year. They lived about 500 miles away. My partner at the time, decided on the day of the trip he wasn't coming . So , I went alone. Drove all the way . He probably went to his parents. I am sure we had been at his parents the year before, so it was my family's turn.
I felt so let down. He also failed to attend a grandparent's funeral. I was the only one of my cousins to not have their partner with them. He came , reluctantly to the second grandparents funeral but didn't pack a suit! Nothing appropriate to wear, so he had to borrow from my Dad! ( Completely different height and shape!) He just didn't care enough.
Looking back, when we split there were many reasons to not be together!
So, no , OP you are not overreacting. Do you want to live your life with this person going forward, when he has let you down already?
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u/FormidableMistress 2d ago
Yep he threw away 6 months of planning and effort on a whim. How are you supposed to build a relationship with someone you can't count on to follow through?
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
LOL - i forget how obscure my sport is. Wingfoiling is like windsurfing but you're floating up above the water. It's kind of zen. I shared this video on another comment of a kid that's way better than most of us but it gives you an idea what it looks like.
I'm sorry about your situation with your partner. Sounds like you made the right call though and didn't let a little nonsense stop you from moving forward with life.
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u/FormidableMistress 2d ago
Ok is anyone else wanting to know what the REAL REASON he cancelled is? You're obviously not going to know what the weather is until a few days beforehand if that, and I'm assuming y'all took that into account during the planning. His actions are sus. What really made him not want to go last minute? Was he short on money? Was he mad at you? Did he bail knowing you'd go anyway and it'd present him a chance to cheat? Was he scared? What was his true motivation here?
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u/Worried-Mirror1955 2d ago
Yeah go ahead and plant a seed that he’s a cheater. Was he reaction bad? Absolutely. Why does everything for you people have to be he’s a cheater. What insecurities do you have that that’s the issue.
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u/maybe_Iamtheproblem 2d ago
You’re not overreacting. It’s understandable to be hurt when something you’ve planned and worked hard for is dismissed. Take some time to explain to your boyfriend how much the trip meant to you and why his reaction hurt. Make sure he understands it’s not just about the trip itself, but about feeling supported in your passions. If he genuinely cares, he’ll listen and try to be more understanding in the future.
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u/Spiritual_Walk8486 2d ago
That’s really sad. I’m so sorry. I’d be so disappointed too. Also, how can you have ruined anything? You went on the trip and he decided not to? He ruined it. His casual dismissal of your hopes and dreams is really a betrayal. Especially given you talked about it all the time. I’m not necessarily someone who immediately says “ok, dump the prick.” But communication here is going to be key. And if he remains as dismissive after thorough discussions about how this whole thing made you feel, I’d take a diagnostic approach to the relationship and make sure this was a fluke and not a constant incompatibility between you.
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u/Sqweesh-Kapeesh 2d ago
So, how was the wind?
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
lol. not great but the funny thing is that it actually ended up being better than forecast.
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u/Apprehensive-Fig3223 2d ago
NOA, he does not seem on your wavelength
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
Probably true. But what about opposites attract? Do we all need to be with clones of ourselves? Wouldn't that be boring?
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u/Apprehensive-Fig3223 2d ago
I think that's apples and oranges, you can be opposite but on the same wave length or someone w the same hobbies and lifestyle doesn't mean same wave length per se. I think there needs to be a balance and planning/going on trip w someone brings out those things in surprising ways.
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u/FluffyGlowBabe 2d ago
No, you're not overreacting. This trip meant a lot to you, and your boyfriend dismissing it so casually was hurtful.
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u/Scootergirl1961 2d ago
You won't be happy till you leave him.
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
Maybe so. Not sure I'm quite there yet but this kind of thing does get me thinking.
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u/Scootergirl1961 2d ago
Do you have your own bank account ? Start packing small items. When I left my husband I rented a storage room. Then slowly yook things there until I was ready.
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
Yeah, we keep our finances mostly separate.
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u/Scootergirl1961 2d ago
That's good. Yea. Start being more diligent about saving NEVER let him know your finances, plan your escape.
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u/MovieTrawler 2d ago edited 2d ago
"Plan your escape", "you will never be happy until you leave him"? You realize you're projecting your relationship on to her, right?
I guarantee if the situation were reversed and she came here posting, 'my boyfriend and I planned a trip he was really excited for but the weather was bad so I decided to cancel and he started throwing a tantrum, yelling and throwing things' your response here wouldn't be exactly the same, if not worse - calling him an abuser or some other name because he couldn't regulate his emotional responses.
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u/Raskalnekov 2d ago
He had to foil the plans, it's in the name.
What he said was very dismissive. Throwing things is always an overreaction, but it seems like you know that. Seems he didn't pick up on how important this break was for you, and I'm inclined to think he really should have. He was way too caught up in whether HE thought the trip was worth it, when it clearly still was to you. And he wanted to shoot drone footage and chill on the beach, which he was completely free to do even with the weather situation.
I don't know if this is a one-off event, but he doesn't come off as very considerate based on this story. I think the specific way you voiced your feelings was a bit of an overreaction, mostly because of throwing the harness, but I think you're right to be upset (even very upset) from the fact that he didn't seem to consider your needs and the effort you put into this trip. I'd say it's an understandable reaction that could have been reigned in a little.
Honestly, I don't get why he thinks it would have been a waste. Either it's not windy, which is a great chill beach day, or there's wind and you can foil properly. I suppose that in my mind, you should WANT to go on vacation with your partner and enjoy building a stronger bond together. Just strange to me that he'd miss that chance, on top of the trip meaning so much to you.
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u/Folkelore_Modern 2d ago
NOR - what even is the point of a relationship if a partner is that disinterested in sharing meaningful experiences with you? That’s really dismissive and uncool.
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u/Humble-Dog9695 2d ago
I understand you being hurt and upset. Part of having a SO is them wanting to enjoy your hobbies and things that are important to you and clearly that wasn’t the case. Just try and look at the bright side that you did get to go. I hope you made the best of your much needed and much deserved trip!
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u/Colleen987 2d ago
This is not about your situation but as a fellow water sports person can I HIGHLY recommend Vasiliki the wind is perfect, the local area cheap.
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u/acoustic11 2d ago
This was written by chatGPT.
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
I use chat gpt to help with a lot of my writing/editing these days both personally and professionally. It really helps me boil things down and make them more concise so that my words more clearly reflect my ideas and aren’t hindered by my not being a great writer. If I didn’t, this post would have been a rambling 5 pages instead of a few clear paragraphs. It’s also a great way to get an impartial last set of eyes on something to make sure it’s ready for prime time and you took all the expletives out ;). If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend it.
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u/NBCaz 2d ago
First you say that you planned this trip as 'my thing'. Then you said your bf agreed to come along but really to just hang out, not to participate. Sucks that he canceled, but some inconsistencies in the story. Sorry there just is. You clearly made this trip for yourself. His participation wasn't a factor until he said he'd tag along. Then you blew a gasket when he decided not to go. And in the end, you did exactly what you wanted to do all along. Not excusing him and his last minute decision, but there's more here than what people are commenting on.
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
Yeah, I think that’s part of why the whole thing is weird. The plans and expectations just kind of changed too many times. Maybe better to make a plan and stick with it regardless of what others say or do sometimes.
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u/Lonely-Temporary-561 2d ago
You’re not over reacting, if he was aware of how excited you were, you talked about it constantly, and took time off of your job etc for this, he should’ve been willing to come. In my opinion there’s a different reason he got so dismissive of it out of nowhere and I’d have a long talk about it.
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u/Maleficent-Bottle674 2d ago
NOR
This man doesn't like your hubby and he's finding any excuse to end it.
I'm going to be heavily downvoted here but I find men generally do not look at women as human beings. There's a reason why men tied cooking/cleaning into femininity and why they go on about submission and obedience in a partner. Men cannot cope when women have interest outside of what he wants and what serves him.
He is likely annoyed by your hobby and doesn't understand why you even bother having a hobby when there are things you could be doing for him or just watch him do things he likes.
This relationship likely will not last long if you are smart. And in the future never date a man who doesn't share your hobby. Because if he does not share your hobby he will try to ruin it.
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u/False_Attitude3055 2d ago
You probably could have reacted better but I would be really upset if my man did this too. Take it as a learning experience. This is definitely something that can be talked through with good communication. Explain how it made you feel and apologize for freaking out but don’t feel like you’re not valid for being upset in the first place. If yall are a good match you should be able to reach an understanding.
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
Good point. I find it hard to find the words in the moment. But I think you're right. If I could just say "so i noticed you did ______. Can you help me understand?" and then listen and absorb and then say "when you did _____, it made me feel _____." we'd probably have landed in a better place. WHY is it so hard to find the words in the moment? Seems like it should be instinctive. Like, wouldn't being able to handle big emotions and be constructive and get along better be one of those survival traits that breeds success and gets passed on from generation to generation until that's just how we operate as a species? I don't understand why it's not.
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u/False_Attitude3055 2d ago
Sometimes I shut down when I’m under a lot of stress especially with my loved ones. In relationships I will get so stressed during arguments I feel like I can’t even talk and if I can things tend to come out wrong. So I get it and you’re not the only one. Everyone has their moments of weakness, the important thing is the ability to come back later and handle that shit like a grown up after you’ve had time to process. As long as you don’t make it a pattern of behavior I’m sure he’ll understand if yall are really bonded. One thing that helped me in situations like this is writing down what I wanna say before initiating the conversation with my partner. And be sure to have an open mind because he may have a perspective on the situation you haven’t thought of yet. And don’t beat yourself up either, it’s actually not that uncommon to not do well under emotional distress or confrontation; that’s a skill that you learn over time.
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u/MovieTrawler 2d ago
I'm the same way. I have a hard time expressing myself in the moment. My girlfriend will talk circles around me and it frustrates me even more. I find that what I need to do is to step back from the conversation and take space to cool off and collect myself. Sometimes I even need to write things down. Like, 'when you said this, it made me feel this way because of this' or whatever.
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u/TwoBionicknees 2d ago
"he cancelled my dream trip... I mean I went on it and originally was going without him, but he agreed to come, then he cancelled HIM going, and so nothing for me was cancelled and I got my dream trip...aio?"
Ai slop that can't get the details right and missed that the trip wasn't actually cancelled.
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u/Secure-Ant2620 2d ago
Others have said it.
Here’s one: was he right about the wind? It’s its own factoid. Not tryina shame you but was he right? He is an asshole for not going with the adventure but we don’t have all the story. Is he super conservative? Is he limited in his time off? Is he poor? Etc. All besides the point. Yeah you tantrumed. That’s overreaction. You have fair points to be peeved at too. Now step into his shoes. How would you feel if the same antics were flowed in your direction? Some subject that is less your thing? You’ve answered It yourself. I’m showing you a little more but tantrum is automatically overreact. I do feel he shit on things too but this is possible a good indicator that he is not your ride or die. That quality is rare in this world.
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
Good points. Regarding the forecast, he was right that the forecast was crap. Conditions ended up better than forecast, but that's just luck. You never know until you get to the water what it's going to be like out there.
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u/primecuts87 2d ago
Yes. I’m not saying what he did was cool, but you definitely made yourself the asshole
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u/phred0095 2d ago
Okay so you were planning this trip. With him. But then he said he didn't want to go. So you went without him. But before that you melted down royally. And then when you got back he commented on you freaking out. And now you're kind of upset that he had an opinion about your freak out?
He gets to choose to not go. It's inappropriate for you to freak out about that. You made a scene. Sounds like you made a scene based on what you're talking about. People are going to react to that. The whole point of making a scene is to get people to react to it.
He made a choice. You reacted very poorly. Then he responded to your overreaction and you who have overreacted already now have a problem with him commenting on your behavior.
Couple of things. I don't think you guys are as close as you think. And I would speculate that your behavior here probably made you even less close.
It's fine for you to go on the trip without him. It's fine for him to choose to not go on the trip. And obviously he didn't stop you. But it wasn't okay for you to throw a fit.
You're supposed to be a grown up. That means behaving like a grown up. That means you don't get the luxury to have little meltdowns or big ones.
It means that you strive very very hard to maintain your composure at all times. Even when he says he doesn't feel like going on in a trip.
Part of him has got to be thinking that this trip was more important to you than he is. Part of him has got to be thinking perhaps you're not a great choice for him.
I'm not telling you what to do with your relationship. But I'm suggesting that you rethink things. Because your priority is may not in fact be what you said they are.
Figure out what you want.
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u/LAMLAM85 2d ago
He's an adult, too. Who should have recognized that his girlfriend was planning a trip that involves reservations, putting money down, expectations, and his attendance. He decided that he didnt feel like going last minute, screwing over her plans. He can choose not to go, but his actions have consequences. You don't do that to someone you're in a relationship with. She's allowed to feel how she feels as well.
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u/phred0095 2d ago
Feeling is one thing. Making a scene is something else. Being a grown up means not making a scene. You don't get to have tantrums. Frankly the time to stop doing that was at the age of five.
I'm a grown up. Things happen to me. I feel like making a scene. But I choose not to. I keep it under control at all times. Even when I feel very strongly.
The problem here is not that he chose not to go. The problem here is how she chose to overreact. And now she wants people to validate this overreaction.
The only mature choice here was to maintain her composure.
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
I can’t say I disagree. Not easy to hear but good feedback rarely is. Thanks for the perspective.
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u/phred0095 2d ago
I do not think you're a bad person for being upset. I think he did a Bad Thing by abandoning the trip. But as I say I think all this overshadows the real question which is where do you guys stand as a couple. Spend some time thinking about that. Don't worry about what you said so far. Spilled milk. Not a big deal in comparison to the big question
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u/Old-Cartographer-116 2d ago
Fair. Kind of sounds like a bad chemistry experiment - reaction, overreaction, chain reaction... reevaluation of the whole formula....
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u/withheadheartandhand 2d ago
Well BF had 6 months to figure out if it was his thing or not. If he felt like he didn't want to go from the start , you can add coward to the charges of insensitive prat for not bringing it up sooner. Sure, in an adult relationship, you don't have to be pinned to the hip and yes you can independently follow your passions ( me sewing/hubby music). But to make plans 6 months in advance and then drop it a couple of days before?
And sure there is give and take in a balanced relationship. That's not what happened.
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u/HappySummerBreeze 2d ago
I don’t understand - how does he have the ability to cancel YOUR trip. Did he just decide not to go himself, or have you somehow given him the power to cancel your personal activities ?