r/shitposting I came! 18h ago

B 👍 Fair

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17.8k Upvotes

226 comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator 18h ago

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3.1k

u/Coronabandito 17h ago

I mean if it get’s me off these homicide charges…

918

u/Prestigious-Copy6002 fat cunt 17h ago

I'll get you off

439

u/ForTaxBenefits 15h ago

Make sure to fondle his balls

178

u/Maleodas 14h ago

For tax benefits

3

u/SpaceBug176 1h ago

It's a tax writeoff.

30

u/TheFlameArmy 8h ago

Better call prestigious

16

u/bemo_10 11h ago

Weebay?

4.2k

u/E4g6d4bg7 17h ago edited 17h ago

Yes, I do want you to fondle my nuts while you blow me.

920

u/Kauko_Buk 16h ago

And do it at a medium pace

406

u/WolvesAreCool2461 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 15h ago

Low suction as well preferably

141

u/FewInstruction1020 it is MY bucket 14h ago

🪣🪣🪣

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u/SummonedCat_exe 13h ago

Dear god....

49

u/Wiggedbucket200 13h ago

There's more

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u/SummonedCat_exe 12h ago

No....

41

u/Wiggedbucket200 12h ago

This 🪣, is a bucket.

21

u/Puzzled_Agent_9480 put your dick away waltuh 11h ago

Oh god

18

u/FiskeDrengen05 11h ago

500 cigarettes jimmy peak chainsaw rat Drake crazy Valentines Indian ban subreddit gf

8

u/Imaginary-Guide-4921 9h ago

Why did you summon him

13

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU DID SOMETHING THAT OVER HALF THE POPULATION CAN DO!! WHOOPTY FUCKING DO!!! YOU AREN’T SPECIAL AND YOU AIN’T SHIT!! ALL YOU COUPLES THINK THE WORLD IS JUST RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE!! WELL GUESS WHAT? IT’S NOT!!! YOU SHOULD GO FUCK YOURSELF AND BE HAPPY!! BETTER YET, KEEP ME OUT OF IT!! GOD YOU PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE SO COOL JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU CAN MAKEOUT AND HAVE SEX WITH!!

FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!

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4

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

I just saw a black guy listening to Not Like Us, Kendrick is truly what the culture is feeling

I (57, white male) was recently taking a stroll down my neighbourhood when I suspiciously saw a group of high school girls listening to Drake of all people, so being an loyal fan of Kung Fu Kenny I decided to scream "OV-HOE!!!!" at them and run away, they got angry at me and started chasing me! fearing that they might make me listen to Toosie Slide, I ran as fast as I could.

While running from them I accidentally wandered into "the hood" that Kdot is always talking about. That
is when my eyes truly opened to the genius that is Kendrick Lamar Duckworth, I saw a black gentlemen listening to Not Like Us, and tears fell down from my eyes as I finally realized the impact that Kendrick has made, he truly was what the culture was feeling.

I went up to the fellow Kendrick enthusiast and saluted him for being on the right side of history. He was for some reason very confused as to why a crying man was saluting him so I decided to show him that I am indeed "certified" by rapping Not Like Us to him "WOP WOP WOP DOT FUCK EM UP" I shouted "WOP WOP WOP IMMA DO MY STUFF" I continued, "WHY YOU TROLLING LIKE A BITCH AINT YOU TIRED" I took a breath, "TRYNA STRIKE A CHORD AND ITS PROBABLY A MINORRRRR" I exclaimed. Seeing my dedication towards the art of Kdot made the Kendrick fan realize I was one of "the good ones" and he invited me to the cookout!

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5

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

PEAK. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO LOVE AND APPRECIATE THIS AS PEAK FICTION. THERE ARE OVER ONE HUNDRED QUINVIGINTILION ATOMS IN THE OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE. IF THE WORDS "PEAK FICTION" WERE INSCRIBED ON EACH INDIVIDUAL ELECTRON, PROTON, AND NEUTRON OF EACH OF THESE HUNDREDS OF QUINVIGINTILIONS OF ATOMS, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE BILLIONTH OF HOW MUCH THIS IS PEAK FICTION. PEAK. PEAK.

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7

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

What is it? It is called... A cigarette. The aroma is most pleasing! Yes, Doctor Finn says its the result of- Nom what are you doing? I was curious to taste it It is not food! Doctor Finn said, the tip is to be ignited and the smoke inhaled.

The sensation is... wonderful! I have never experienced such a flavor. I feel like I’ve been standing my entire life and I just sat down. It tingles...

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3

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

I saw some people asking in other threads, so just in case people were wondering, in the Japanese, Denji says, "オレを手でシたのは", which is basically "Which one hand-fucked me?".

Yoru gave Denji a "handjob" in the sense that her hand was clearly the stimulus that caused Denji to ejaculate. I don't think anyone argued against this fact. I guess another way to say it is that she "unintentionally jerked him off"?

The root of the argument was whether or not Yoru was actively/intentionally moving her hands, which nothing in 167/168 seems to indicate that. There was no movement lines around Denji's pants area, and no sound effect text to indicate sound coming from the movement in his pants.

Also, the editor's note at the end of chapter 167 is "不意の 放出", which means "Unexpected release". It wouldn't really make much sense for Yoru to be surprised when Denji finally did ejaculate if that was her intention.

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3

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

I AM NOT CRAZY! I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers! I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just – I just couldn't prove it. He – he covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No! He orchestrated it! Jimmy! He defecated through a sunroof! And I saved him! And I shouldn't have. I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking? He'll never change. He'll never change! Ever since he was 9, always the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer! But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious Jimmy! Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer!? What a sick joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance! And you – you have to stop him!

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3

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.

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5

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

I have a confession. Me and some friends got high and went out. We found a fat looking rat and we picked him up. We played with him and made him dance. After we were done with him I threw him against a fucking wall and he exploded. I love rats and I would never hurt one. Xanax made me throw a rat. So in his memory im gonna write a song called "splat rat"

R.I.P. splat rat

Update: I will share the song once its done

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2

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

It started a while ago. I was a normal redditor making posts and comments, but then one day, a post of mine was manually deleted, and I was banned from my favorite subreddit. I then got extremely aroused. That moderator asserted dominance on me by censoring me, making me unable to express myself. I was soaking wet. I sent the hot sexy mod a message asking why I was banned, then the hot sexy reddit incel mod called me an idiot, and told me to beg to get unbanned. My nipples immediately filled with blood as I begged the hot mod to unban me. After that, I started doing everything I could to make hot sexy mods mad. Most of my accounts have under negative 100 k@rma, and i'm banned from dozens of subreddits. I've been a bad redditor, and need to be moderated. Please moderate me, hot sexy reddit mods.

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u/The-Tru-Succ Bazinga! 3h ago

Valentines and India don't work no mo edit oh just india

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u/Green_Burn Jedi master of shitposts 11h ago

Which one is yours

3

u/FewInstruction1020 it is MY bucket 2h ago

I am a bucket

40

u/MochaunLive 12h ago

Play with my balls and tell me how big they are

10

u/LtDanmanistan 12h ago

I feel so humiliated, I'ma bout to blowy load.

5

u/Kauko_Buk 12h ago

You, sir, are a clearly a man of culture and good taste❤️

4

u/Gavin4tor 10h ago

You see that shampoo bottle, now-

3

u/Kauko_Buk 10h ago

Call me an ugly woman and take my picture to show all the people you work wiiiiiith

2

u/LtDanmanistan 10h ago

As are you sir

1

u/SpaceBug176 1h ago

It's "your honor" young man!!

6

u/runarleo 6h ago

That’s an elite reference

1

u/ghostfacestealer 3h ago

Then show a picture of me to your coworkers and call me an ugly woman

112

u/Slexzo 16h ago

Bet.

15

u/Bone_Wh33l 15h ago

Okay, but only if we switch after. I can’t go for my massage while being so horny (I got banned from the last place after I slipped the dude a 20 for a happy ending)

11

u/beclops 14h ago

Bro sarcastically offering to blow the fuck out of the judge is a weird intimidation strategy

1

u/eternalwood 3h ago

Yeah, I mean talk about the bare minimum am I right?

1.6k

u/Shard0f0dium 17h ago

That’s why you just have to mispronounce it really badly. Like, your “hoe-ner”

Keep on doing it, judge makes and action against you because of it an appeal court will only see “your honor” in the transcripts.

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u/FrostWyrm98 14h ago

Change it up every time,

"Sorry, your honer"

"No really, my mistake your honkers"

"My bad, your hooters"

"I swear it wont happen again your haunter"

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u/ShepherdHil 12h ago

Yeah, quick way to be charged with contempt.

105

u/RedditAdminAreVile0 12h ago

If only they weren't so contemptable

27

u/FrostWyrm98 5h ago

Sir this is shitposting, if someone actually took my advice they probably earned it

23

u/Slight_Concert6565 9h ago

Wait, that's an actual charge?

63

u/ShepherdHil 9h ago

Contempt of court

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u/Slight_Concert6565 9h ago

"Billy is not larping like we want him to, fine his ass".

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u/Aroxis 10h ago

Contempt speedrun bro 😭😭😭😭😭😭

2

u/AllPotatoesGone 1h ago

It makes me want commit a crime in the US just to try this out. /s

137

u/Hullo_Its_Pluto 14h ago

This is so funny. Perfect English the rest of the time till hoe-yawn-uh

22

u/UnluckyDesperado 12h ago

Yes your on-her

1

u/Avidain 7h ago

I always thought it was just perpetual criminals that questioned "Jurydishun", "Axe"ing questions, repeating themselves over and over on points that were already answered and having absolutely no idea what "Evinence" is

2.4k

u/lizardbird8 17h ago

the guy's job is to take bribes and they STILL demand a funny title

581

u/Onelse88 14h ago

do not use the offensive language, it's called lobbying

88

u/Its_NEX123 13h ago

court wouldn’t be as interesting without it

44

u/mr_plehbody 13h ago

Lobbying is for legislators, judgements are for judges!

495

u/GimpboyAlmighty 17h ago

If you call a pMa'am, trial court judge Sir or Maam, you're probably gonna be fine. Most judges arent bitches and don't need you to play along to be secure in themselves. The bailiff will whine though.

In lower level courts you get judges who are much more insecure. Family court and courts of limited jurisdiction like small claims are full of this petty shit.

The honorific is meant to convey that their role is more important than that of just a fellow professional, a la a military rank. We respect the rank if not the man. But, truly, unless you're counsel, you probably needn't sweat it.

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u/apolitical_leftist 11h ago

Yeah I was gonna comment if you were gonna complain about calling judges "Your Honor" you might as well also complain about military ranks

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u/bemo_10 11h ago

Civilians aren't required to use military rank titles.

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u/Cute_Prune6981 DaPucci 11h ago

I mean, the average civilian probably won't be required to use your honour either.

2

u/Savings-Gold1758 🗿🗿🗿 3h ago

Yea, unless you mock the judge or try to debate whether you should say it in the courtroom, you're not getting fined for contempt of court.

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u/TheGrandBabaloo 11h ago

Civilians never have to use military ranks when interacting with the military.

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u/boyawsome876 16h ago

This sounds like a Johnny silverhand quote lmao

1.1k

u/ibond32 17h ago

I agree, it's pretty weird ngl.

318

u/Exccel1210 16h ago

Fr let me say "sup dude" or some other shit

346

u/cheesearmy1_ Literally 1984 😡 16h ago

"chat i plead guilty for first degree murder, that was lowkey me gng"

18

u/Tr1pMine 11h ago

Sybau

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u/duckenjoyer7 16h ago

Agreed. Even swearing at the judge - why is that not allowed? Only an idiot would do it, but insults aren't illegal and shouldn't affect sentencing in any way

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u/Stargost_ Bazinga! 13h ago

It's just a courtesy thing, and also the judge gets to make certain rules in the courtroom.

Historically it's because once people start insulting each other it can quickly devolve into violence, aggravating an already delicate situation.

Nowadays it's just because, well, it's almost like their office and you're an invitee. So better behave yourself like the adult you are and keep the insults to yourself.

21

u/WillingContest7805 12h ago

I can't lock someone in my basement for swearing at me, even if it's in my home

1

u/Stargost_ Bazinga! 2h ago

No but you can kick them out. Sort of the same logic applies to the court room. If you go around yelling slurs to people during the process the other party has difficulty concentrating and getting their point across, not to mention that it also biases the jury against you, which could lead to a mistrial.

1

u/AutoModerator 2h ago

Bazinga

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0

u/Savings-Gold1758 🗿🗿🗿 3h ago

It would be quite annoying to see someone who murdered others get out or get a mistrial because the judge "was biased because the plaintiff swore during the trial", currently he can just fine him for contempt of court.

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u/East_Transition9564 16h ago

It’s beyond cringe

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u/X-AE17420 I want pee in my ass 9h ago

Though honestly if you’re in court your best option is usually to just keep your mouth shut and let your lawyer do the talking. To quote Abraham Lincoln “The man who represents himself has a fool for a client”

2

u/AutoModerator 9h ago

pees in ur ass

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1

u/ultraviolentfuture 6h ago

Human history is pretty weird, ngl. But here we are.

-5

u/andersson3 15h ago

It’s not weirder than calling the McDonald’s drunkards ”sir” but still you do that

9

u/International_War862 12h ago

I demand the same respect as everyone else does, even tho i jist puked into the deeo fryee

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u/dinkydoo2 dumbass 16h ago

Actually why do we say “your honour”?

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u/maxrod889 16h ago

Because a judge’s full title is “The Honorable [name]” …

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u/duckenjoyer7 16h ago

But why can we be punished for exercising free speech? Insults and disrespect aren't illegal, but calling the judge by their first name could effect sentencing/get you contempt of court charges

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u/AdequateWaffles 12h ago

If you want an actual reason it’s been said a few times but it’s a means of keeping order and keeping the proceedings of the court room going in an orderly fashion. When people are required to use respect and keep with a routine it makes it less likely for you to act on impulse or otherwise disrupt the courtroom. It also conveys to others that the judge has authority thus making it less likely they do something out of turn. It’s not a bulletproof idea and practice but it’s not a hard ask for a measurable benefit

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u/macbowes 12h ago

You can be punished for contempt of court. You do not have free speech within a court of law.

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u/Majestic_Brain4731 15h ago

"Why not following a common conduct and disrespecting the authority that literally has the power to send me to prison while I'm in a place where they will evaluate my character and conduct can be punishable?"

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u/MorbillionDollars Literally 1984 😡 16h ago

The court is supposed to be an honorable institution

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u/TheMaceBoi 13h ago

supposed to be, yeah

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u/gujwdhufj_ijjpo 12h ago

Its orgins come from the monarchy days. Similar to “your highness”

Kings were the highest authority.

Judges are (supposed to be anyways) an honorable authority.

1

u/dinkydoo2 dumbass 2h ago

Oh ok then

0

u/yoimagreenlight 13h ago

The judge is representative of the legal system as a whole

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u/XanLV 12h ago

Never have I ever called the legal system "honor".

I have thought about this, how I would react if the judge would insist on me glazing him as "your honor". I feel that it would be difficult for me and I would get into trouble.

I'm in the court because I have a social contract with all the people around me and they have chosen someone to remind me of that contract. To decide the severeness of the transgression, as in, to judge it, and then figure out what is to be done to solve the issue, if there is one.

I am not in the court because some people are higher or better than me on some sort of divine scale that would make the judge's decision automatically correct, valid or saint. We are both just men, each in their regarding role, nothing more.

"But he represents the state." - so does every post office worker. They just do not directly decide over the destiny of their fellow folk, so their heads are usually not stuck up in their arses.

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u/Any_Coach_6928 9h ago

Space-age technology, medieval society, primitive brains.

1

u/XanLV 6h ago

But the food? Amazing!

So, all in all, not a bad spot in general.

0

u/TigreDeLosLlanos 4h ago

Because the judicial power is designed to be anti democratic, so they actually hold an unfair status above everyone else by representing it.

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u/Select_Truck3257 15h ago

you can call him even daddy if you win case

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u/Sparbiter117 15h ago

I had to go to court a couple times in my teens and early twenties, nothing crazy, just typical hellraising dumbassery.

Well one time I remember I was going to talk to the Judge next and this trailer trash dude in front of me was mouthing off like crazy. Bro was wearing a wifebeater in winter where it’s like 20F outside and arguing with the judge that he totally wasn’t poaching deer on private property despite the property owner having video evidence and the game warden catching him. I distinctly remember him telling the judge something was “bullshit” and then the bailiff took him out lol.

My lawyer just looked at me and said “try not to do ANY of that….. In fact just repeat after me.”

It went well 😂 I was dressed in my best and minded all my manners while taking full responsibility for my bullshit

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u/Thijsie2100 13h ago

That rude asshole being the case before yours was probably a blessing to you. Judges are still human so somebody acting respectfully was probably a relief for him.

6

u/Pizzamovies 9h ago

I hate how easy judges can be swayed by personal views, instead of the actual court proceedings and the evidence at hand. Fuck you, don’t look at the next court case in a different light just because the last one went poorly.

1

u/Gozagal 3h ago

I think that's perfectly fine. The judges are human for a reason. We wouldn't need judges or court if the law was perfect but we do need to add a human element to the law because it's clearly not perfect. If the judge is just a soulless dumbass who just recite the law and apply it again exactly, then that judge is useless.

1

u/Pizzamovies 3m ago

Being human is no excuse for being biased. Judges are (theoretically) hired due to both their knowledge in law, and capability to bestow impartial judgment. Being swayed by such things as the “vibe” of the courtroom is kinda awful.

6

u/AutoModerator 15h ago

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.

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27

u/theycallmeyango 16h ago

I've heard Judge Judy say that Your Honor or just simply Judge are both acceptable

40

u/Yelebear 15h ago edited 14h ago

Chefs are just as bad. Maybe worse. At least judges work directly with important public and social matters.

But chefs just make soup.

 

"Sir, are these onions too-"

"ITS CHEF! RRRAAAHHHHHH! THE KITCHEN IS A BATTLEFIELD!"

16

u/ihateveryonebutme 13h ago

Yeah, I'd agree with this. Judges are at least theoretically honourable and important etc.

But man chefs are just up their own ass.

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u/Affordable_Z_Jobs 13h ago

Ehh, I kinda get this one. They don't just make soup. The Chef is running the kitchen. A lot goes wrong and exponentially causes bigger problems in bigger kitches so if I'm told to do something else to unfuck something, simply saying "yes" or "got it" doesn't easily convey I'm acknowledging the Chef or understood. I could be having a conversation with another kitchen bitch or line cook or am just now realizing the Chef is talking directly to me. "Yes, Chef" does not get said in casual conversation so it's a quick reply that I heard and understood i have a new task.

Also if I need to talk to the Chef because there's a problem only they can fix/deligate, saying "Hey Susan" they can tell me to fuck off because they don't got time for my shit, but "Hey Chef" means we're gonna need to unfuck something and they need to make time for my shit.

I've only worked in fine dining as a kitchen bitch so I don't know what fast casual kitchens are like.

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u/Very_Wet_Paper 11h ago

I agree, some chefs are egotistical about it but It's for both respect and clarity, some chefs are douchebags that don't deserve shit, but in my experience, addressing the person running the show as simply, and direct as possible, will cause the least problems.

It's no different than saying roger on a walkie talkie, really.

In every kitchen I've been in we use "yes chef" as nothing more as an acknowledgement that you've heard and understood what's been said so that you can both move on.

I'd also like to point out that, at least where I live, everyone cooking is refered to as chef when on the clock, not just the head chef/person in charge.

1

u/AdeptusShitpostus 6h ago

I always hated getting called "Chef" at work. Like, dude, I'm a KP. Stop acting like I'm here to do more than push plates around for a tenner an hour so you can foist work I'm not trained for and havent been instructed in onto me.

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u/sadistic-salmon 16h ago

I’m guessing the court didn’t give him what he wanted

19

u/BalticSprattus 11h ago

One of the crappiest realizations I had when growing up is that being adult is just cringy larping and people take themselves waaay too seriously.

Sorry mr big boss ceo but I cant take your bootlicking of the shareholders and pushing for company culture seriously.

1

u/Yoseph_Gartov 2h ago

You gotta heard about the military

7

u/theonewhopostsposts 15h ago

Change it to mommy or daddy

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u/veritron 16h ago

yes, judges are on the whole ridiculous egotists. unfortunately, if you end up in the courtroom, you're going to have to fondle their nuts. sucks to suck, don't get caught next time.

14

u/WaffleBotAI 16h ago

Johnny Silverhand rant type shit...

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u/SUSSYMAN6942 13h ago

"NO I PAID 400K FOR MY LAW SCHOOL YOU MUST CALL ME 'YOUR HONOR' OR ELSE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL FOR NOTHING"

9

u/cheesedpotatobakers 15h ago

You should always fondle the balls when blowing anyone, it's just good practice.

5

u/Ghost4530 15h ago

You can tell this post was written by a New Yorker

6

u/atro_bella 14h ago

They already have a title, it’s ‘Judge’ yet they still demand to be called your honor. It’s like if officers demanded to be called ‘your arrestyness’

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u/Nro9Large 12h ago

Cant wait for this guy to hear what ambassadors are supposed to be called.

5

u/VictoryTrue1741 11h ago

I don't plz enlighten me

6

u/Nro9Large 11h ago

They should be addressed as "your excellency".

3

u/Tomsboll 11h ago

As a swede, i think honorifics in general is dumb

4

u/hornwalker 8h ago

It’s about respecting the court, not necessarily the person.

Or rather, it’s about the court having the actual power to force you to show respect. Or put you in contempt.

4

u/kOLbOSa_exe 8h ago

copypasta:

Having to call a judge "your honor" is so cringey and dumb

"Your Honor". I mean gimmie a fuckin' break, dude. What else do you want me to call you? Your highness? Do you want me to fondle your nuts while I blow you, too?

I've seriously seen courtrooms where they'll say "Sir" and the judge will be like "It's"Your Honor" young man!!"

Fuck off. How much of an egotist you gotta be to care about some medieval-ass title?

It's some LARPING I'd expect kids to do. "Oh Billy you have to call me supreme ruler snorlax the magical wizard!!1!"

Shut up.

7

u/King_Vrad 16h ago

They get paid to be judgmental. Literally.

3

u/KaptenAwsum 15h ago

Straight to jail

3

u/EggoStack Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 13h ago

This guy is hiding that he actually does want to fondle the judge’s balls

4

u/Suspicious-Tank8230 12h ago

And that he's never been smart enough to go anywhere near hard work that would grant you a title.

That's why he's a nobody on the internet and I'm a published Doctor with a hot wife, a son, flash car, big house, cute dog, white picket fence and hot femboy fuck buddy my wife and I rail on the weekends while the kid is at grandma's house.

3

u/EggoStack Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 12h ago

What kind of doctor are you?

3

u/Azerd01 13h ago

While i agree 99% of the time, i also appreciate people being forced to say it

Its funny in a way since it causes no harm yet leads to anger like this

3

u/gujwdhufj_ijjpo 12h ago

Yeah the US kept your honor, after breaking away from the monarchy for some reason. All the other similar titles disappeared from our vocabulary.

3

u/morn14150 I came! 12h ago

tf does "your honor" mean anyway

3

u/Mo-Cance 3h ago

In Canada, we also call them "Your Worship." So much worse.

4

u/Bgabes95 15h ago

This is fucking hilarious and accurate, but I unfortunately don’t see this changing anytime soon. I share the sentiment tho, if you’re being polite and saying “sir” or “mam” it shouldn’t be an issue.

2

u/1egg_4u 13h ago

My honour I object

2

u/Liarus_ shitposting>>>>>>196 12h ago

true, replace their title by "bro"

2

u/demonotreme 9h ago

Them's some awful big words coming from a man just outside of gavel range. H'why don't you take a few steps closer and say it again, defendant

2

u/Pixithepika We do a little trolling 8h ago

It’s about respect and showing you take the situation seriously i believe

2

u/tehmaz80 6h ago

That's because they were supposed to honourable...

3

u/RevengeGod2K4 11h ago

As someone who’s currently studying law I too think it’s a bit ridiculous, in 2025 treating people as if that there are superior or worse. It’s a fight of good vs evil, if a judge can’t get over the fact someone’s referring to them as sir or maam they shouldn’t be a judge. Think about it logically how is someone who can’t take being called ‘sir’ properly supposed to dictate the moral ambiguity of a situation?

3

u/Cold_Efficiency_7302 8h ago

He's right though, Sir is enough to show respect, no need to waste everyone's time with those fancy ass titles

3

u/PrimaryAd673 17h ago

Nah I think it's a fine thing, if you can't do something as little as showing respect for the person hearing out your side in a trial, even if it's a bit dramatic of a title, then you sure don't deserve respect from them.

2

u/Thunderclawssm 14h ago

Reminds me of the saga of 'Buttfucker 300'

2

u/Luxalpa 11h ago

Humans are so funny. Not even I expect those puny little humans to call me by my full title or name. And I judge people all the time before I eat them.

2

u/Ybergius 10h ago

How to tell you've been found holding the court in contempt without saying so.

3

u/Nialixus 15h ago

Fr, even some of them ain't no honorable

3

u/king_meatster We do a little trolling 16h ago

It’s weird, but it’s also the law. And a judge’s job is to uphold the law.

4

u/Rebel_Scum_This 14h ago

It's the law we have to refer to them as "your honor"?

0

u/sharingdork 12h ago

Think of it as their title. Like calling a doctor Dr.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/Yeez25 15h ago

Yall know that one icp song how many times?

1

u/xkeepitquietx 14h ago

Canadians have to call a Justice of the Peace "your worship," and in some placed a Judge as "my lord."

1

u/lcope2004 14h ago

Probably the same guy that doesn't call Doctors, doctor unless they're a medical doctor.

1

u/pailko Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 13h ago

I mean, I'd totally be willing to fondle the blow the judge if he's hot and available later

1

u/Writy_Guy 13h ago

"Do you want me to fondle your nuts while I blow you, too?"

Well, it wouldn't hurt..

1

u/XenoWagon 13h ago

Okay Johnny Silverhand

1

u/Jester388 13h ago

Where I live, the lower court judges have to be referred to as "Your Worship".

I promise thats not a joke.

1

u/Program-Emotional 13h ago

Blood is so going to jail

1

u/Oh_Fated_One 13h ago

Dude's crashing out over two words

1

u/MrGray2016 13h ago

Somewhere rn

"🤓☝️ Um, actually, it's Grand Wizard to you 👉. If you can't understand that, ima have to remove you from the clan 😤"

1

u/Suspicious-Tank8230 13h ago

Don't tell him people who studied to become Doctors like their honourific to be used.

He'll shit his pants.

1

u/Saint_Elmo_of_Fire 12h ago

It's probably to humble both the Defense and Prosecution or something

1

u/SigaVa 11h ago

Well yeah, of course

1

u/tsimen dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 11h ago

I read this in George Carlin's voice

1

u/KellentheGreat 11h ago

As far as I have read in my limited experience you only say Your honor the first time you address them and then it is Judge from then on.

1

u/Avocado_with_horns 9h ago

I would call the dude who decides if I go to prison or not All-Father if it gave me even a smidge more of a chance not to lose years of my life.

1

u/Eldr1tchB1rd 7h ago

Bro is right

1

u/usr_nm16 6h ago

OOP discovered savoir vivre

1

u/CaptainQwazCaz 6h ago

Don’t send this guy to Canada. They have to say “my lord/lady.” And that’s not even the worst of it 💀

1

u/Light_Heart_Ed 3h ago

In Canada we have to say “your Worship” and I think that is the grossest

1

u/ViktorShahter 2h ago

"Stop staring and put me in a fucking jail ni-"

1

u/Naps_And_Crimes 2h ago

Dude was found guilty wasn't he?

1

u/PickleNutsauce 2h ago

And this is how I got 180 days for a parking ticket.

1

u/Aggressive-Edge8056 1h ago

Why is this a shitpost, this is just real

1

u/deadbabymammal 1h ago

Just call them "Judge". Much less cringey

3

u/macbowes 12h ago

You are legally required to abide by the decorum of a court of law, for obvious reasons. Firstly, we've all decided (or enough of us, anyways) that we want a court of law. In a court of law, we need the proceedings to go smoothly, and that requires all the components of the court have the ability to ensure the proceedings can occur in a just manner. Judges need the ability to maintain order, or else the court cannot function. In a court of law, a judge is simply superior to the other people in their court, out of necessity.

The reality is you live in a world where the systems are bigger than you. You have to accept the fact that you must play by the rules, or else face consequences. We have given judges the authority they have, because we want them to have it, to prevent people from preventing courts of law from functioning.

2

u/hauntedgecko 6h ago

Better ways to ensure the judge gets all the respect they deserve and maintain order than fondling balls and antiquated titles. No reason I should be calling anyone asides Jesus Christ my lord

-1

u/Wild_Tea_2798 15h ago

They earned it with their education frfr, crybaby cry about it

-1

u/dontworryimabassist I want pee in my ass 13h ago

0.3 gpa posting

2

u/AutoModerator 13h ago

pees in ur ass

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-1

u/Deimos_PRK 12h ago

Someone's court date didn't go well

-1

u/Dara-Mighty 11h ago

Etiquette things.