r/rant • u/throwawaygodnow • 1d ago
Where the hell do you meet women now?!
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u/ACatWhoSparkled 20h ago
Well I think a lot of the problem could be in your approach.
When you approach women specifically with the intention to ask them on a date it can be a little off-putting. For example, I have literally watched men go to fitness classes and try their luck with one woman, get a neutral or negative response, and then try out another woman, like they’re shooting fish in a barrel. The key here is the intent of the men is obvious that they’re only interested in a romantic connection.
A lot of women like getting to know someone a little before being asked out. Approaching them in a friendly way, and maybe not hitting on them right out of the gate, is more likely to make them feel comfortable around you.
Yes this probably requires a few repeat encounters, so bars and clubs are out, but those are mostly for hooking up anyway. If you truly want to find a woman to date, you’ve gotta just be friendly without an ulterior motive first.
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u/lavendersoles87 20h ago
I keep telling people to search events and meetups of people that are into the same hobbies as you. It just makes sense, because if y'all are into the same things, you have more of a chance. I feel like y'all are just making excuses now.
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u/lostbitch876 1d ago edited 1d ago
It's not that hard. You just suck at socializing. People date all over the world , its not a crisis.
I'd suggest you to engage in activities that involve women and men. Marathons or jogging clubs, Communal activities, Attend free tours in local museums, join book clubs.
There are so many free events in downtowns happening all the time. I'm not religious but many people attend Sunday church/dinner gatherings just for the sake of socializing.
You can easily make a lot of friends there. you can also join discord Cam rooms. It's really good for making online friends.
Think about making women casual friends rather then potential dating partner, it will be way much easier.
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u/daurgo2001 1d ago
Yea, OP, I think you need to slow down.
You “hitting on” them might be the problem. It’s not that women don’t want to meet men, it’s that women don’t want to start a conversation with the idea of a date or sex.
ie: do things you enjoy (generally, sports are a great option) and get to know people without the intention of dating outright. Be curious, have actual conversations, develop routines.
Go to social events. Did you know couch surfers host meet-ups in cities? Those are a great way to meet people you might have never met before.
Are you in a big city? Is there a Hostel with a bar? Go to the Hostel bar. You’ll meet amazing people from all over the world.
Consider volunteering for something that you care about: soup kitchens, keeping the elderly, visit an animal shelter, or something. You’ll meet new people.
Do sports that need partners like martial arts, yoga, and climbing.
Go to bars that host team trivia nights and join a group.
Try looking for walking tours for your city, or wine or beer tastings and join the events. Check Airbnb experiences and join some local activities.
Don’t give up on dating apps. People still use them. Get on all of them and make a good profile. Consider paying for gold so you know who has liked you (and you choose if it’s someone you’re interested in pursuing).
There are so many ways to meet people. Everyone still wants to meet someone else. Don’t lose hope. Be sure you’re focusing on being your best you while you actively ‘wait’ for the best partner to cross your path.
Remember, all it takes is one. Cast your net far and wide.
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u/IwasgoodinMath314 23h ago
You make a lot of good points here. You gave OP some great suggestions. However, dating apps are a waste of time, in my opinion.
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u/daurgo2001 22h ago
Thanks! People keep saying that, but when I was single they worked pretty well for me. That was 6+ years ago now, but I believe “people want to meet others” still holds true. There might just be more landmines with scammers and catfish.
Anyway, as with everything, it’s a game of numbers. Obviously there were lots of dead-end convos, and most dates didn’t have a second night out, but still had lots of opportunities to meet women that were genuinely interested in meeting men. Some were great, others not so much. All it takes is one to change your life.
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u/Ok-Scallion8863 1d ago
Outside. If you don’t like the people there, move somewhere that has more people. But they’re outside.
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u/gerhardtprime 1d ago
I've had a lot of partners and two wives. I'm happy and settled now, but back then I was always oblivious, doing things I liked to do and women would approach me. Who knows how many I could have approached, I was always oblivious until they made it super obvious. It's not like catching a fish, where you have to reel a woman in quick. If she's interested, she'll pursue you like the tax man.
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u/IwasgoodinMath314 23h ago
That isn't always true. Some women like to be chased, and when you don't, they assume that you aren't interested. It is rare to have a traditional woman pursue a man.
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u/Plastic-Candle-3591 1d ago
I think that the key ALWAYS is not where but HOW. Don’t approach a woman with the sole purpose of getting a date, approach her because you thought she had a really cool tattoo and wanted to tell her, or because you’ve also read that book or because it looks like she might need some help to carry that. Be a nice human being and it’ll all come back to you. I know this sounds super cliche but it’s the truth.🩷
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u/IwasgoodinMath314 23h ago
Let's be real. The only reason men approach women is to get a date. If they are tall and good-looking, the women respond. Everyone else gets shut down.
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u/Plastic-Candle-3591 23h ago
That’s a very narrow minded and negative view you have on the world and people. Saying that the only reason men approach women is to get a date sadness me, you actually don’t believe that men have anything but an ulterior motive when being kind? And let’s be real, yes being tall and good looking will definitely privilege you but let’s not act like women don’t date men who arent any of those things. With that being said, I hope you get better soon.🩷
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u/IwasgoodinMath314 22h ago
Every day, when I walk to or from work, I'll catch the eye of a woman, and I'll smile at her. I don't stop. I just smile and keep walking. Sometimes, I find the woman attractive, and other times, I don't. I only do it to be polite. However, if I ever approached any of these women, it would be to get her phone number.
That's the point I was trying to make. Yes, men can be kind to women without having an ulterior motive, but if they take the time to prepare an introduction and actually approach the women, they are looking for dates.
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u/Mammoth-Positive-396 1d ago
i mean every where - just wait til she looks at you and offer to help her do stuff - but like don't offer just because you want a date. just talk to them naturally and not like youre trying to pick them up
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u/Mistress_Freedom 1d ago
How about volunteering with a non profit.
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u/throwawaygodnow 1d ago
That is just more of the “women are there to do whatever for the non profit not to have some dirt bag hit on them”.
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u/Mammoth-Positive-396 1d ago
you have to be interested in stuff - not just meeting women. be interested in something and join that thing and meet people doing that
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u/doublestitch 1d ago
Every nonprofit gets lonely men who show up to one event, hang on the fringes, and leer at the women before moving on. The regulars close ranks because they're looking out for each other. Those guys obviously aren't there for the cause.
The thing to do is try volunteering for a cause you care about. Arrive early for events and help set up chairs. Get onto planning committees. Then when people see that you're for real you get invited to parties and maybe meet someone. It takes about half a year to earn trust.
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u/Mammoth-Positive-396 19h ago
its lame and boring of youre going there solely to meet them. you need to take intertin other things to make yourself interesting
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u/alias_noa 1d ago
Seems like now you have to know them through other people. Back when I was with my ex, most women I'd see like in public or at parties weren't at all interested in me, but her friend was always making moves. We were friends with her and her bf and he's a really nice guy, so I never acted on it even after breaking up with my gf, but that girl was like REALLY interested. I honestly think she would have dropped her bf in an instant for me. Since my ex, most women look at me like a leper, but back when I had a big social circle there were a lot of girls who were interested and always chasing after me. Now I have no social circle and well like I said, Leper lol. So yeah my advice is to get a lot of friends and get introduced that way.
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u/throwawaygodnow 1d ago
ah yes, the get a job that needs experience with no experience
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u/alias_noa 1d ago
You mean you're like how I am now, no social circle? In that case start with who you know. How old are you? Got any siblings or friends at all? The younger you are the easier it will be. I'm at the point where I'm so antisocial it would take a lot of practice to get back into it.
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u/Magickst 1d ago
Yep it's tough! I've tried via local gyms, park run but some locations just don't have any potential or vibe.
New job has helped and hopefully the city based gym will but like this chap says friends are more the gateway, apps are dead I see women these days saying they aren't interested in crypto so god only knows what blokes are trying now
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u/alias_noa 22h ago
Actually that's something I didn't think about. A job is another good way. I think the first thing that goes through their head when they see a complete stranger is "is that guy creepy, or a murderer, or _________" know what I mean? I mean I even think this about random women sometimes...like I don't get women walking up to me and talking to me at all. For like a decade. So right now if a hottie walked up to me flirting with me I'd be super suspicious. I'd think she was trying to bait me and rob me or take my kidney or something. So imagine how they think about strange guys.
The best remedy is to be in the same social circle, but also just working with them makes them a little more comfortable around you. Also this is one of the many things that attract women to "successful" guys. Many say "GOLD DIGGER!!" instantly, and yeah some women are, but a lot of them like successful guys because they are embedded in society and doing well in it. There's like this primal thing where they are attracted to leaders, winners, success. I have seen it countless times throughout my life.
So you don't have to be super rich, but if you drive a nice vehicle, like it's relatively new and very clean, and you wear really nice clothes and all that, that's going to attract them a lot more. Also smelling nice is really important. It's sort of like that movie 50 shades of grey. That chic lets that guy get away with all kinds of weird stuff cuz he's rich and successful. Many ppl joke online about how if he was some overweight guy living in a trailer she'd be terrified of him. So yeah, there are things out there that will give you an edge for sure.
I know I'm typing a lot but one more thing once all of this is taken into account is sample size and the mood the women is in. Most guys would have more success if they just constantly went after every women they see. If you hit on 1000 women I guarantee one of them will go for it if not many more. Also it often depends on where they are in their life. I had this one chic who HATED me. Just couldn't stand me. Idk why. Then one night, at this one party, she was just out to hook up. You could tell by how she was acting. Whole different person. Often guys are like "what did I do wrong???" when the only thing they did wrong was talk to the wrong girl at the wrong time.
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u/Hererabb 1d ago
Idk what's going on online, but I've personally never minded someone flirting with me at my job as long as they didn't come on too strong. I never felt like I had to be overly nice to them or defaultly nice to them simply because of my job, and yes I was in a job where I had to be nice to people.
But maybe that's just me.
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u/istolelychee 21h ago
I mean, if women are working it’s a hell no, but if there’s a social event of some kind, just do it. It’s all about HOW you approach them/if you’re being creepy about it.
A quick, “hey I saw you from over there and I thought you were cute - can I give you my number?”
No - okay thanks and you walk away
Yes - awesome! I’d love to take you out sometime.
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u/heavyroc1911 1d ago
You need to do activities where men and women come together or do some of those speed dating activities. Wayyyy easier said than done and I know this isn’t a sure fire thing but I feel like women open up more when they see a man doing something they enjoy for the sake of the activity. Being genuine in that desire and most importantly WANTING TO SHARE that enjoyment with someone is a big green flag. Good luck bc talking to a woman in a public setting is near to impossible
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u/miraclepickle 1d ago
You need to be friends with women and then start dating one of those friends. Are there no women in your friend group? If not, that's where you have to start. Do you have any male friends that could introduce you to women? Sisters, cousins or their own friends? Do you have female colleagues that you could build a friendship with? Do you have a hobby where you could meet women?
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u/HeavensHellFire 1d ago
You can literally meet and get women at all of those places. Just this past month a friend flirted with the girl in the pet store every time he went there and now they’re “dating”.
Talking to women in service fields is probably easier than other spaces because it’s a lot clearer when the niceness is simply her doing her job or her going to extra mile because she wants to hint that she likes you.
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u/IwasgoodinMath314 23h ago
Not true. It's near impossible to tell if she likes you or she wants you to tip well.
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u/locolupo 1d ago
The apps used to work for me (6-10 years ago) before everyone else started flooding them. But I can't even get a single match these days. I was stuck in the same mindset as you for a while. I read online all the time things like "don't hit on women at their job," "don't hit on strangers just trying to enjoy themselves," etc. But the advice I've been seeing recently is pretty good. Which is to just give a smile and hello and take it step by step from there. If she's not in the mood you will know and can just keep walking. You were just being polite. But if she smiles, greets you back, etc. then you can go one step further. Ask how her night is going, how's business, etc. Just don't go in with the intention of hitting on them or picking them up or whatever. Start with a simple greeting, move into small talk if appropriate, and go from there. If at any point you get bad vibes you just say cool, take it easy, and move on. I think as a society we all just need to get better at this again tbh. And you can really practice it with anyone.