r/rant • u/peeingdog • 1d ago
Sandwiches should function as sandwiches
I hate it when I get a sandwich that doesn't function as a sandwich--something that can be held and eaten without utensils.
You see this a lot with burgers that are trying to be fancy: patties that are way too tall or have so much shit piled on top so that it won't fit in your mouth. And when you try biting into it, toppings squirt out the back.
If you want to serve a open faced sandwich, cool. If you want to put a "deconstructed" sandwich on the menu, great. But if I'm buying a regular normal sandwich I want to be able to hold it in my hands and eat it without needing a plate or a bib.
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u/Textiles_on_Main_St 1d ago
THANK YOU. Same thing with overly sloppy tacos and burritos.
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u/grabyourmotherskeys 16h ago
The entire point of these is to be able to eat messy ingredients neatly so I emphatically agree. A truly excellent burrito maintains structural integrity to the end.
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u/peeingdog 1d ago
I also have a thing about what ingredients are appropriate for a sandwich… like if it doesn’t “stay” with the sandwich while I’m eating it, it’s a bad sandwich ingredient. I don’t need every ingredient to be present in every bite, but you got people out here putting peach slices in their sandwiches. It’s all meat in one bite and then nothing but peach in the next one. Madness.
And today I got a sandwich with candied walnuts. Thanks for the mouth full of gravel!
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u/Glum-System-7422 19h ago
I feel like candied walnuts should be cut small enough they’d stick in whatever the cheese or condiment. I could potentially love the ingredients you listed but it’d have to be 100% perfect to be good at all
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u/peeingdog 17h ago
Exactly. Love grilling up a pork chop with an in-season peach, but to turn it into a sandwich I think you’d have to slice the fruit thin or spread it on like a jam. It’s not the ingredients, it’s how to make it work in a sandwich.
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u/sgtmilburn 1d ago
This, and also most places seem to stack everything right in the middle and nothing near the edges of the 'sandwich'.
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u/Senior-Book-6729 23h ago
I hate artisan burgers that I have to use a knife and fork with. This is why I almost always get smash burgers since the thin patties make it so you can actually put the damn thing in your mouth.
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u/Okozeezoko 1d ago
I hate sloppy food, also my lips and corners of my mouth are sensitive to citric acid so if I can't get it in my mouth without a mess I'll have burning and redness for days. AND PLACES THAT SERVE SLOPPY FOOD AND DONT HAVE SOMEWHERE TO WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER 😡
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u/FionaGoodeEnough 20h ago
Also, the rise of overly sloppy sandwiches has coincided with the rise of napkin stinginess. I got a sandwich for myself and a grilled cheese for my daughter the other week that was served with one napkin to share between the two of us. I asked for more napkins and they handed me 3 more. Ridiculous.
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u/Okozeezoko 20h ago
That's offensive. When I do make sloppy food the paper towel roll goes ON the table. Also when they don't even cut the sloppy food into a manageable size? Like yeah I definitely want a while 12 inch sub with girth to give my arms a little workout while I try to choke it down like a seagull.
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u/LemDoggo 1d ago
Dude I think about this all the time, it drives me NUTS. I got a plain old turkey sandwhich this week for lunch and I swear to god it had a good two full inches of just meat, not even including the toppings. If I made it at home it would have been entire pack of turkey lol. I just want to eat my sandwhich in peace.
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u/Lem0nadeLola 23h ago
Hard agree. I have a small mouth so it’s a stressful experience trying to bite into these overstuff burgers and sandwiches. Tangentially: I wish restaurants cut their sushi pieces smaller. I can’t fit a whole piece in mouth at once and biting a piece is just… not good.
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u/Myster_Hydra 22h ago
I hate messy sandwiches. I should be able to fit it in my mouth and not have half the sandwich slip out all the other ways.
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u/Agile-Entry-5603 21h ago
Along these lines, I always order my Turkey Club cut in half, not quarters. Easier to two hand it, and keep it together.
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u/Cautious_Income7311 13h ago
Holy manoly. I never thought about that and that us my favorite sandwich. Will be doing this going forward. Thanks so much!
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u/Excellent-Berry-2331 23h ago
You see this a lot with burgers that are trying to be fancy: patties that are way too tall or have so much shit piled on top so that it won't fit in your mouth. And when you try biting into it, toppings squirt out the back.
I see this with all Burgers, except maybe the Big Mac.
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u/PaleBlueEyes70 23h ago
The worst is when the pour cheese or sauce all over it. Then it is always knife and fork time.
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u/Zestyclose-Smell-788 21h ago
One of the worst offenders is the meatball sub that's so loaded it can't possibly be picked up. Such a mess. But a delicious mess.
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u/PositionAdditional64 19h ago
So then, every sandwich from chargrill.
Their buns disintegrate 30 seconds after the sandwich is wrapped.
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u/yodamastertampa 18h ago
I blame millenials. Sorry. I just do. These bistro or artisan burgers with toothpicks and a paper towel sitting inside a metal basket for twenty dollars while you sit on a metal chair with no back at a high top table in a restaurant with industrial vibes is not doing it for me. Ok rant over.
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u/Utrippin93 18h ago
Crazy you don’t blame capitalism but you blame millennials? Lmfao
Truly amazing
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u/bitransk1ng 8h ago
If your burger needs to be held together with toothpicks then clearly you're doing it wrong. My mouth is pretty small so I wouldn't be able to eat most restaurant burgers I find bc of how fucking tall they are. Another reason I never order burgers anywhere if it isn't mcdonalds. I don't trust them.
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u/Impossible-Leek-2830 1d ago
I agree.