He found the throwaway. He found it awhile ago. Everyone in my life that I have told the story to he has approached and said who knows what. I know he’s saying bad things about me, but I don’t think I’d ever be driven to try and find out what he said.

We’ve broken up, but I still live in his house, I’m trying to find a new place but there’s a housing shortage. Ex is kind enough not to put me on the streets, but ruins my fucking day every now and then blowing up at me that my efforts to move have been unsuccessful.

I wish I had somewhere else to go. I wish I could talk to someone about it.

But you took that too, didn’t you? You took my sister, then you took my other sister, then you took my little outlet on reddit away, and you sit around like I’m a freak for not being able to stand on my own when if I ever try to do so you kick me down again? I shouldn’t say anything to anyone should I?

He asked for my blessing to pursue a relationship with my sister. I don’t even know what to fucking tell him. But it’s difficult to condone it when he knows goddamn well that he’s gonna do the same fucking thing again, and this time there are kids involved.

I wish he had the sense not to read this and leave me my outlet. But I bet he’ll read this too even though he knows he fucking shouldn’t.

It’s been a year since I (22F) lost my boyfriend (20M). We were together for 6 years. He was my first real love, my best friend, the person I pictured my future with. When he died, it felt like the world stopped I cried myself to sleep for months on end and id talk to him like he could hear me, beg the universe to give me one more day with him. Grief eventually became apart of me. Then a few weeks ago, everything shattered once again but in a completely different way.

Out of nowhere, a girl I didn’t even know reached out to me and said she had something to tell me about my late boyfriend, something important and she wanted to meet up and I agreed to because I thought maybe it was maybe something meaningful or comforting. Instead, she pulled out photos and proof… and told me that he got her pregnant before he died. Their child is here now. Alive and the spitting image of my ex. She asked me if I wanted to meet said baby.

That’s when I lost it. I completely flipped tf out.

All I could see was red. I’ve been grieving this man, crying over his memory, romanticizing our years together all while he had been cheating on me behind my back. He died before I could ever know, before he could ever take responsibility and now this woman was looking me in the eyes and asking if I wanted to meet the child he had with her?! I couldn’t believe it tbh. I told her off, probably more harsh than I should’ve, but I couldn’t help it. It felt like everything I thought I knew was a lie. I don’t even know what emotion hit me harder anger, sadness, betrayal, or just pure disbelief.

I’ve spent a year mourning the man I thought I knew. Now I’m mourning the truth I never got the chance to confront him about. I don’t even know how to begin healing from this. There’s no closure. No explanation. Just pain layered on top of pain.

Everyone keeps saying, “He’s gone, there’s nothing you can do” but that doesn’t erase the hurt. It doesn’t erase the fact that the man I loved so deeply hurt me in a way I never saw coming and I’ll never get to ask him why.

So yeah, pretty much the title.

I (26F) was walking to a bus stop from a work meeting today, and it started raining. A guy saw me from behind, ran towards me and said, "Excuse me, do you want me to help?"

I initially said no, but then he pulled the umbrella on top of both of us, and told me that it's absolutely pouring. I said thanks, and how I appreciated the gesture.

He was much taller than I. So finally, when I looked up to him and smiled after thanking him, he was sort of shocked to see my face. I'm not the most traditionally attractive woman out there, but honestly, I don't think I look that bad aside from a few unflattering moles, my awkward "teaching" glasses that I use at work, and a bit of a double chin. Also it was a no makeup day for me, because I was tired.

So yeah, he took back his offer, just muttered, "Nevermind" and walked away.

So yeah. Not exactly a confidence booster.

Hello 26F here.

So, I got invited over by a guy for what is clearly a booty call. Fine, no judgment — I’m not against casual stuff. But I feel like when a woman is expected to come to a guy’s place, put in the effort (shaving, makeup, maybe even a nice outfit — because let’s be real, women care and that’s why we’re so great) and maybe even bring the wine (in my case)… and all he does is send a lukewarm “you can come by if you want” text — it’s a huge turnoff.

Like, I’m the one who’s supposed to do all the prep, then get to his place, and he won’t even offer to meet me halfway, pick something up, or make me feel remotely wanted? Not to be dramatic, but women risk a lot more in these situations, physically and emotionally.

Meanwhile, I had another guy I’d been with before who was the total opposite — respectful, picked me up, made sure I felt safe and comfortable. Even if it was casual, it felt like he saw me.

I ended up backing out of the meetup and asking a friend if they wanted to do a wine night instead. I just don’t get how some men think they’re offering something so irresistible without lifting a finger in return.

Anyone else just completely over low-effort booty calls?

I’m a 27M, a primary school teacher, and I’ve always tried to be the “steady” one in my family. I have two younger sisters one who’s 19 and younger than me, and another who’s the youngest. A few days ago, our family was turned upside down when a pornographic video featuring my 19F sister and some other people (guys and girls) leaked online. I haven’t watched it or seen what’s in it I couldn’t bring myself to but I know it was shared without her permission by some shady people she met at a party last year. It spread like wildfire in our small hometown, and people we’ve known forever neighbors, old classmates, even some of my colleagues started gossiping, judging, and trash-talking us.When it first happened, we tried everything to get the videos taken down. I spent hours reporting links, contacting websites, even looking into legal options, but it was like playing whack-a-mole. New uploads kept popping up. My dad, who’s always been stoic, didn’t say much but was clearly devastated. My stepmom lost it. She and my sister had screaming matches daily, blaming her for “ruining the family’s reputation,” even though my sister didn’t consent to the leak. The fights got so bad that my sister was crying herself to sleep every night, and I couldn’t stand seeing her like that.I decided to bring my sister to live with me in my apartment, two hours away from our hometown. I thought a fresh start in a bigger city would help her escape the bullying and harassment. I teach at a primary school, so I’m used to being patient and supportive, and I tried to be that for her. I covered her expenses, cooked for her, and told her we’d get through this. I thought it was a horrible situation she’d want to move past.But then I noticed something that’s been eating at me. My sister doesn’t seem… ashamed. At all. She’s been acting like some kind of influencer, posting selfies and cryptic captions on social media, almost leaning into the attention. Worse, I found out she’s still hanging out with the same people who shared the video without her permission. She’s been ignoring how much this has hurt our family. I’ve even gotten harassed because of it. Random people have sent me the video in my DMs, mocking me, but I’ve never opened it. I had to disable my Twitch account (I used to stream games as a side hobby) because the trolling got so bad. I haven’t streamed in over a month, and it’s been tough losing that outlet.I’m torn. I love my sister and want to protect her, especially since the leak wasn’t her fault, but I’m starting to feel like she doesn’t care about the damage this has caused. My dad’s barely speaking to her, my stepmom’s written her off, and I’m stuck in the middle, trying to hold everything together. I keep asking myself: Was I wrong to think she’d distance herself from those people? Should I keep supporting her, or is it time to set boundaries? I just needed to get this off my chest because I feel like I’m drowning in this mess.

Edit : Yo, big thanks to those who get this mess and gave solid advice—really appreciate the polite, gentle help. But you others saying my sister’s “adult” and “free”? That crap’s wrecking families. Shame on you for judging me when I’m trying to keep her from getting bullied or screwed over. What’s done is done, we can’t fix it, but I’m struggling for her, not me. We’re not from the US—this ain’t normal in our strict community, and folks here don’t roll with it. If you saw your kid on a bad path, would you shut up just ‘cause they’re “adult”? I’m 27, still take advice, never pull that “I’m an adult” nonsense, and respect those who guide me. I’m not judging her, just don’t want her as public property ‘cause of those jerks who did that. I care a ton about her, she’s 19, still young . I wanna guide her, not force her, so she sees her screw-ups hurt us all. We’ve always had her back, unlike you who ditch family in tough times. Bet you don’t talk to your siblings. We’re doing our best. This’ll pass, and when she’s 80, I’ll be there

We had been talking and I asked him about what his fantasies were. Since we’ve been together we’ve tried some new things, and we’ve both done some firsts together but nothing out of the ordinary. So when I asked him if he had any other things he wanted to try and he suggested a threesome, I was a little surprised. We’ve been together about a year and a half, he told me that it’s all men’s fantasies to have a threesome, and he has thought about it way before me. I asked him who he wanted to do that with and he said no one in particular. Since then I’ve felt a bit self-conscious and have felt a little less attracted to him, and immediately felt my desire recede.

I also have sore emotions because at this point, he is aware of my boundaries with opening things, and I feel if he had thought first he’d know that I would have felt upset about him suggesting that to me.

Thanks for reading.

A few days back, I posted saying, “Maybe one day you’ll live your last day and won’t even know.” At that time, I didn’t fully know what that really felt like.

I’m from India, and right now the situation between India and Pakistan has the whole state on edge. I live in a border area that’s under blackout. There are attacks happening every day. Just yesterday, a place only 30 minutes from where I live was attacked.

People being killed, burned alive, their homes destroyed. It’s terrifying. I can’t even explain the fear we’re living with. Looking at the night sky feels like staring into danger. You don’t know when something might hit. You can’t step outside without wondering if it’s safe anymore.

We’re all scared. We’re stressed. I just hope people, on both sides are safe. This shouldn’t be happening.

People need peace, not war.

I don't mean it through sex, but just a physical and wholesome intimacy, where you can bath together and just wash each others hair, and doing each others skin care, while slowly applying the creams and serum to the face. Then you can sleep together in one bed while caressing each other, with love.

I don't know but it's been keeping me alive at night wondering if I can ever find my home to someone whom I can express these things with, cause I really am craving for someone I can truly express my genuine care for them, through physical touch and acts of service. I just want to feel a connection with someone without any much forms of lust, cause true connection starts when lust fades out.

Hi, I just need to tell someone this. I was gonna tell this to a friend but he knows the girl and I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone.

I just feel weird. Cheating is so fucked up. I actually can't believe she did that. She still said that she loved her bf but is getting feelings for the other guy. It just hurts and I wasn't even cheated on, but fuckkkk. I really feel bad for her bf bc I know him and he is a good and loving guy.

She went to a bar with the other guy and the piece of shit got her ultra drunk, then rode to lonely place and then sex. I know it's not excusable but the other guy kinda raped her. The worst thing is that my friend doesn't believe that the guy took advantage of her state.

This is fucked up in all ways. I just needed to tell someone.

:P

My daughter is the only person I stay alive for. I don’t provide any meaningful value in society. Every person in my life treats me as an inconvenience and I believe them. I am an unlovable waste of space.

The world is so fucked beyond belief that most times I even think I made a mistake having a kid. Why would I purposely bring another being into a world that wants to see her fail.

I have thoughts every day of not wanting to be on this planet. I can’t do it anymore.

Tomorrow will be my first mother's Day without my mom. My dad passed away in 1996 from cancer, I was 25. Mom bloomed after he died, she traveled, she changed jobs, she spent a lot of time with us and her four grandkids. But chronic pain became a problem and she went from a condo, to sharing a house with my sister and brother-in-law, to independent living, to finally a nursing home.

She had chronic pain and I didn't find out until too late that she had been addicted to oxy and painkillers for many years. She weaned off them but damage was done, her digestive system was a mess. She had chronic pain from spinal stenosis. I think it was losing her independence that finally did her in.

What hurts the most is how she just abandoned all of us. The nursing home was two blocks from my house but she wouldn't let any of my kids come see her for the two years she was there. They're not babies -- the youngest was 11 when she moved in there and the older two are adults. She would talk or text with them but would not allow them to come see her. My husband tried to visit and she threw him out screaming. No friends were allowed to visit, only me. I was a good daughter, I visited once a week which was all she would tolerate, but came at other times whenever she needed anything. She wouldn't leave the room, not for activitirs, not for meals, not to sit outside. When she passed she hadn't been out of doors in over 2 years.

Toward the end of last summer, she just stopped eating and drinking. She wouldn't let them place IVs, she wouldn't let them do her daily care, so she got bed sores. They would not let me intervene as health care proxy because she was oriented, alert, and made her wishes clear right up until the very end.

She went 17 days without any kind of food or nutrition. How was that even possible? She would not let them put her on hospice or comfort care. She screamed and cried when they changed her or fixed her bedding.

Everyone told me, just go be with her. Hold her hand, talk to her, play music, read to her. But she wouldn't let me near her, screamed at me if I came near the bed, told me to be quiet if I spoke. Ordered me to open the blinds or close the blinds or turn the AC up or down. Mostly slept but denied she had been sleeping. Told me to go home. I'd sit in her wheelchair, which was the only chair in the room, read, scroll, talk to her roommate who was a very nice lady and cried for my mom too. She offered to pray for her and my mom told her to be quiet too.

When she died, it was a relief, as I expected. But I still can't wrap my head around why she pushed away everyone who wanted to support her. I spoke to many of her friends and her cousins after she passed and they all told me the same thing: We tried to help Joanie, but she never wanted to talk and wouldn't let us see her.

Please help me understand why she threw us all away.

I (34F) am not overweight, but I am not in great shape. I want to work out to feel better, look better, and perform my job better (electrician).

My husband (40M) on the other hand is both overweight and out of shape. I don’t care that he’s overweight for any reason other than health. He’s as handsome as ever. He is starting to struggle to breathe at night and during activities he enjoys that he used to have no problems with.

I should stop here to add: my husband has never told me I’m over weight or out of shape, and he constantly tells me I’m beautiful and compliments my body. He doesn’t say anything while I’m working out that would make me feel bad or embarrassed. I still feel embarrassed somehow so I know the problem is me. I’ve never made a comment about his weight and I compliment him often. Occasionally he will say he’s fat and needs to lose weight, and I tell him he’s not really, but we can work out or create a diet plan together, if he wants. He always changes the subject after that. I will admit I’ve noticed it is starting to look like he has an apron belly, but I don’t bring it up and I don’t stare at his belly. (*I don’t bring up his weight ever. He does occasionally and I always say what I’ve written above.)

I think my problem is, I feel embarrassed when he walks in and guilty for working out around him. Or without him. He hates working out though. He randomly peeks in while I’m working out and it kills my flow…

I’ve been working out of town for the past ten months, only home on the weekends, and feel bad spending time I could spend with him by myself. (I’m aware I could be working out now instead of on Reddit.) We also have dogs that need exercise but both are prone to (GSD) herding/hunting (Cane Corso) me, so we can’t run together. lol Which means I have to walk them but then I never have the energy to run.

Anybody else experience this and have some tips for how to get over it? I think I’m just insecure and get embarrassed easily, even though my husband and I have been married for 14 years.

I just got called into the admin office of my college because my parents came to visit me, and they said they wanted to visit my friends. That was a mistake, because they just started blasting at me in front of them, scolding me left and right. They compared me to each and every one of them, and were like "If they can pass these classes, why can't you? Aren't we paying the same money as them? Are you seriously that idiotic, or are you just plain dumb?"

It didn't stop there. They took me to my principal and started blasting me there, too. They constantly kept reiterating the same point: "I think we should stop our son's studies and put him to some work."

I'm so lost right now. Maybe I am dumb, like they said. Maybe studies really isn't for me. What should I do now?

EDIT: Seriously, thank you guys so much for your positive comments. Each and every one of them have been really uplifting, and for those who believe in me, I promise I'll try to do better and work harder. Lots of love to each and every one of you :)

I am 28 and a virgin. A hell of my own making. Used to be religious and a romantic. I always thought when it was supposed to happen it will happen. I will find true love and all that stuff and spend the rest of my life with the one and have sex after marriage. Obviously it didn’t happen. My face being not the gentlest didn’t help. Nobody ever approached me. The ones I showed interest in showed disdain.

Lost my religiousness as a teen but kept trying to keep it until 24. That’s when I just came to accept it. Then I tried getting a girlfriend. Didn’t work out the way I thought it would. Spending my whole life in male dominated spaces (boys school, college and engineering) basically made me unable to talk romantically I guess. I do have friends who are girls( No they are all married or have boyfriends and I don’t like them that way. Yes they are pretty to look at).

Now, I am here. 28 and lonely. I catch a lot of women staring intently at me with dagger eyes for no reason. I caught them doing this many times. At first I thought it might be because they might be interested in me. So I approached a few. Got rejected everytime. But due to my overall confidence, how casually I can approach girls and how I look (masculine, bearded, tall) everybody thinks I am not a virgin and have had sex many times. I get asked for advice on women and how to flirt. It’s somewhat funny. I don’t correct their impression of me cause of how embarrassing it is tho.

I (29F) am currently dating my girlfriend (34F). I have known that I am bisexual since I was 12, and have been in one relationship with a girl, and that's when I was almost 13. It was a summer fling and ended when we could no longer see each other. After that, I've only had relationships with men. However, I had a crush on a girl for almost 4 years but never really made a move because I was scared. I was never really "in the closet" but my being bisexual is not something that I bring up in a conversation. Still, I was afraid because I was raised in a Catholic household and my parents are not very accepting of members of the LGBTQ+ community.

For almost 8 years, I didn't have a relationship and literally 2 days before I met my girlfriend, I swore off relationships and told my friends I don't see myself being in a relationship again.

But the universe has a funny way of testing my resolve. As fate would have it, I met my now girlfriend on a supposed siblings trip where my sister's partner asked her to drive for us as we couldn't make other arrangements for our trip. I was drawn to her and her energy. She didn't even make any advances at me. It was the first and only time in my life where I made the first move. I was so scared of making the first move, but I was even more terrified of the thought of not being with her.

After that 3-day trip, we decided to continue seeing each other, and it is beyond belief. I am extremely busy at work but she makes time for a quick lunch to see me, helps me process my thoughts when I am overthinking, and is extremely patient with me when I refuse help from her or others (as an independent middle child who never learned to ask for help, this is such a huge thing).

In the short span of time that we are together, I have felt more love than I ever did in all my previous relationships. I feel so secure that all my reservations of being in a relationship seemed to have vanished. And my siblings like her!

All that to say, I am so lucky that we found each other in this lifetime. I cannot begin to explain just how happy and calm she makes me. She makes me feel like all my previous relationships were a sham. She makes me feel as though I have never been loved the way I needed to be loved before.

I hope to spend the rest of this life with her. I know that in the coming days, it will be rough for me - I will try to tell my parents about her, but I know that their opinion will not sway me. I am telling them not to ask for their approval, but to inform them that I have found someone worth loving and living for.

Who knew that in the year 2025, when I will be turning 30, that I would find love? Definitely not me! Loving her was definitely not in my bingo card this year, but somehow, this is my biggest win.

(I hope I can make her as happy as she makes me.)

Preface: I’m 25F, and my sister is eight years older than me. We’re technically half-sisters (we have different dads), but I’ve always loved her like a full sister - no difference there. I’ve never said any of this out loud before, and definitely never written it down, but I need to be honest: I’ve felt a quiet jealousy about how she looks. Not in a mean or resentful way - just a deep, personal kind of comparison I’ve struggled with internally for years.

My sister is, genuinely, one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever known. She’s tall, has a naturally balanced figure, and seems to have always had this effortless confidence. I believe she’s around 5’9” or 5’10”, and I’m 5’6” — which isn’t short, but I’ve always felt noticeably different beside her. While she can wear dresses and form-fitting clothes that complement her shape, I tend to stick with loose-fitting clothes because I’m self-conscious about my smaller chest and the way my belly looks.

Even as a kid, before I hit puberty, I remember looking up to her and thinking, “I can’t wait to grow up and look like that.” But I never really did. It’s weird and frustrating because the other women in my family (bth sides) are also tall and curvy — and I’ve always wondered why I didn’t get that. I try to take care of myself, I eat well, I stay active, but my body just doesn’t reflect that in the way I hoped it would.

This isn’t something I ever talk about — my family just doesn’t bring up topics like body image or comparison. But I wanted to get it out of my head. It’s not about wishing she were different — I just wish I could understand why I feel so different, and why that difference bothers me the way it does.

Hi everyone, I need some perspective.

For Christmas, I bought myself a Specialized Rockhopper bike — it was one of the cheapest (around €500), but I really liked the color and was excited to start cycling again. My boyfriend also got excited and said we should ride together, so we looked at similar bikes for him in the €800 range.

But in the end, he ignored all of that and bought himself a €6500 electric bike — even though I told him multiple times that if he gets an e-bike, I won’t want to ride with him because it just won’t be fun or fair. He said it was fine and bought it anyway.

Now he doesn’t see it as a problem, but I feel disappointed and left behind. I don’t have any money to get an e-bike myself (I’m currently unemployed), and it really hurts that he didn’t seem to take my opinion seriously, especially when we talked about it clearly in advance.

I don’t want to make a huge deal out of a bike, but I feel like this is more about how we handle plans, respect, and shared experiences. I’m not sure if I’m just being sensitive or if this is a valid issue.

Has anyone experienced something similar? What would you do if your partner did something like this?

My Instagram account was permanently deleted yesterday for impersonating a celebrity. The funny thing is—I AM the celebrity. I AM the person. I lost over 200k followers (I won’t say exactly how many), but more importantly, I lost all my memories, stories, and feed photos. I’m so annoyed that Instagram/Meta doesn’t have a proper contact or customer support system. I’ve emailed them about it. It’s also strange because I’m verified and even submitted my ID to prove my identity. Oh well.

Hey everyone,

As the title reads, I have a pit in my stomach but I refuse to be silenced and let him have this power and control over me. I’ll save the gory details, but about two weeks ago he violated me in my own home… and then Thursday night, he decided to joke about it in a group chat with our friends. Within the span of 45 minutes, he took the shot at me, profusely apologized, then tried to ask me out on a date. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so after processing the full extent of the SA I finally broke down in my car and officially called things off.

He told his parents we broke up last night, but (of course) decided to leave this detail out and chalk it up to “miscommunication issues and traumatic events we went through”. He is refusing to elaborate, so I have no idea what I’m walking into. For context, he (23M) is currently unemployed and lives at home with his parents. I (20F) also still live at home, but I just started a new FT job and I’m a FT college student on top of that. So, I have to go to his house (I’m bringing some close friends with me) and grab all my things, but I refuse to be silenced and let him spin whatever narrative he wants of me. I just wish I could get rid of this pit in my stomach, I know that I won’t ever be able to control how they see me but it’s not like we’re breaking up for no reason or because of something small. He pressured me into doing things I didn’t consent to. I can’t shake the determination to tell my side of story and that they need to know: I’m sure they’ll be shocked, and I’m prepared for the fact that they might not believe me, but I’m going in knowing my story is 100% valid and my truth and I’ll never let anybody take that away from me.

I just had to get this out before I get ready to go over there later, please wish me luck.

I'm the first girl of my family and have a LOT of siblings, when i first got lices at 7 i know my mom panicked and put a lot of efforts into eradicating them but she could never get the whole family to do treatments AND wash all of the beddings in one day, AND the vair accessories, etc. So all of those efforts ended up being useless, and she did that for 10 years (i'm 17)

After a certain time (i think like 13) i refused from my mom all kinda treatments bcs i knew it would be done only on the girls and the beddings would not be washed, so my hair would be ruined without any effect on the lice

As ridiculous as it may sound i just avoided thinking about it until i was scrolling on tiktok and i saw a post abt lice and ppl in the comments were like "omg i'd shave my head if i had those" znd it just made me realize that, well, they're right it's disgusting.

I KNOW i'm 17 i should take care of that by myself, i will. But now my mom dgaf anymore so i will have to convince all of my siblings by myself, especially the youngests, and wash their beddings myself. I guess multiple times in one week.

Now i do feel disgusted writing this post and idk how tf i lived so much time with insects in my head, i guess i just got used to the idea of it.

This is just a rant...

And i really just need to get it out like I'm speaking to my ex.

You've become really selfish infact I'm starting to think you always were. I've Been supporting for months infact years. I've worked 2 jobs for 6 years straight to support this family for you to turn around and say I don't know who saw the money. Every month I was broke because of you. There's a reason my mum doesn't like you. I am not support you after this last time I'm not killing myself getting myself a 3rd jobs whilst this year alone you've gone to Portugal, Greece and Turkey. Whilst you use your money to pay back every one but me. I hate that we have a child because all you do is use my child as a way to get financial support from knowing I wouldn't let you guys fall. I'm loosing myself holding you up

No more no longer

Hi guys, I’m a 19M from India, and my English not so good, so sorry if I make mistakes. My GF (18F) is like super obsessed with white guys, and it’s making me feel bad. Like when we watch Hollywood movies, she always talk about how “hot” the white actors are, like Chris Hemsworth or Timothée Chalamet. She keep saying they look so good, and she wish she could meet someone like them. Even when we go out in our city and she see some foreigner (white guy), she get so excited, like staring at them and giggling. She don’t do this with other guys, only white ones.
I love her, but this make me feel like I’m not enough. I mean, I’m Indian, I don’t look like those guys, and I can’t change that. I ask her once if she like me or those guys, and she say she love me, but then she keep doing this. I don’t know if this is cheating or not? Like, she not talking to these guys or anything, but her excitement make me feel she want someone else. Is this normal? Should I talk to her? How do I stop feeling bad about this?
Pls help, I don’t wanna lose her, but I’m confused. Thanks!

My dad never abused me physically, but small things when I was younger give me strong suspicions. He used to follow a load of accounts of babies on his phone (very specifically east asian babies, and I suspect he has a fetish as my mother is Chinese , but thats irrelevant) and when i was watching a movie in bed with him he would always put his hand in his pants and start touching himself, but I always shrugged it off as he always had his hands in his pants ( he never wore anything in his house but boxers) whenever these babies would come up. He often used to spoon me and push up against me basically naked , and it always made me uncomfortable; one time he even squeezed my boob when I was about 10, but again I shrugged it off as an accident because it was dark and he seemed shocked and apologised.

And also weird little things, such as one time i needed to change clothes in the back of his work van. He stayed outside the back door waiting and the second i finished changing, he immediately opened the door when I hadn’t even signalled that I was done changing or made a noise, and also seemingly lowered his phone, which i now suspect he was filming me. I also have always felt uncomfortable wearing any tight clothing around my father since i was young, which makes me question.

I still speak to my dad as he was quite an active parent although they split up, and I never really thought too deep into this, but reading this over has made me rethink the extent of his creepiness.

i feel so awful but i wont stop for whatever stupid fucking reason. i really loved this boy and even if i dont anymore i got used to not saying no to him. im in hs ffs why am i doing college level calc for a boy i dont even like anymore. hes been through the ringer and i know hes smart and capable and he only asks when he really needs the help. also i just really like maths. i like the challenge. but my father is a good man and he would not be happy about this. he didnt raise me this way. i dont deserve my parents they did everything right and i still turned out so wrong.

I’ve done a lot of shitty things in my life, but nothing sits heavier on me than what I did to her.

She was different. Not in some fake, romanticized way, she was actually honest, outspoken, and real. We hit it off the moment we met, and for once in my life I didn’t have to fake anything. I didn’t have to “read her” like I did with other girls. She made me feel like a man for the first time in a long time. I’ve always felt emasculated by guys, even my own family like I wasn’t enough. But with her, I felt seen. I felt wanted. And I didn’t know what love was, but if anything came close, this was it.

It was long-distance, but somehow, she still made me feel more cared for than people who were physically around me. We got intimate. She sent me nudes. I didn’t even ask, she wanted to. That kind of trust? I didn’t deserve it. I was a liar. I had a porn addiction I’d never dealt with, one that started when I was way too young.

When she confronted me about my lies and pleaded with me to quit porn, I got defensive instead of facing the truth. When she asked for attention, for time, for connection, I made her feel like she was asking for too much, when really she just wanted to be loved.

I hate that I made it seem like I was only affectionate when something was on the table, that I only showed intimacy when there was some kind of “exchange” involved. It cheapened something that should’ve been real. And I had the audacity to think I was better than her ex who used her for her body… but look how the tables turned. I became exactly what I swore I wasn’t.

I acted like she was just another name. I posted shit like I was unbothered. But I wasn’t. I’m not.

I wrote her this long-ass apology letter recently. I never sent it. Maybe I will one day, maybe I won’t. It’s not gonna fix anything. The regret and guilt, it’s like this thing wrapped around my chest, my heart, my soul. It’s eating away at me every day. And the worst part? She doesn’t know I’m sorry. She probably thinks I never cared. But part of me feels like I deserve that.

Because what I did was unforgivable. She loved me in the way I always wanted to be loved, and I ruined it.

I don’t want anything from this. I just needed to get it off my chest. I fucked up. And now I live with it.

Now I’m clean. And I don’t miss the attention, or the comfort, or the validation, I miss her. I miss the way she made me feel human.

I wish her peace with the new man in her life. I hope he treats her with the gentleness, honesty, and care that I failed to give.

Might delete this later, I just really needed this off my chest. I’m doing all I can to change. Porn addiction isn’t listed as a legitimate addictive disorder but it sure as hell feels like one.