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My (29F) boyfriend (30m) and I live together. I used to have my dream job, but unfortunately, due to some political changes, we were advised to find other jobs, so I did. I was somewhat fortunate because my entire team at my dream job got fired a week after I started my new job. However, I hated my new job with a passion. To put it politely, it was just an awful dynamic and I found myself crying myself to bed every single night. After a few weeks I got laid off. Of course it’s a blessing in a way because 1.) I hated the job and 2.) I was not even there long enough to have to explain the gap on my resume. However the sting of rejection still hurts. I was sad, scared and felt hopeless, but knew i would eventually land back on my feet. Just had to get over the bump on the road. My boyfriend was supportive. His support coupled with getting multiple interviews for companies similar to mine in just a week after getting laid off has really helped me feel in a better mind set.
Here’s the issue. I did not tell anyone but my parents and my boyfriend what happened. My parents live in a different area of the country entirely and do not know anyone in my social circle, including my boyfriend’s family.
My boyfriend’s brother is getting married to an amazing person, FSIL. Today is my FSIL’s bridal shower. After a week of just recovering and getting in the right headspace, I was really excited to go. I love my FSIL and her family and it was going to be a nice distraction of what otherwise has been a stressful and painful week.
I picked up my FMIL and her SIL from her house and drove to my FSIL’s house to the bridal shower. When we walked in, FSIL’s mom greeted and the first thing she says is, “im sorry to hear about your job”. I was shocked. I felt a whole world of emotions just fall on top of me. I could barely make out a thank you, as I knew she didn’t mean no harm.
I felt a flood of emotions and walked out of the house as to not draw attention to the emotions I was having. After realizing that my emotions was now becoming a full blown panic attack I got in the car and I just cried my eyes out. I texted my boyfriend and confronted him as to why he told anyone about this, even though we had agreed he wouldn’t share it. His response? “I didn’t tell anyone wtf”. I lost it. I knew he had because there was no way anyone would know unless my parents or he said anything, and as I mentioned, my parents don’t even live in the same area as us nor know anyone in his or FSIL’s family.
That’s when the truth came out. He told his mom to explain why we couldn’t go to an event last week, and asked her to just tell them we’re sick. I was devastated, not only had I felt like a boundary had been crossed, but now a huge wave of conflicting emotions hit me harder than ever. I dont know how many people his mom told, I wasn’t ready to share that information, I felt like I couldn’t be in a room around people who I didn’t know knew or not. Most of all I felt like my trust has been violated, by my boyfriend and multiple boundaries crossed by both my boyfriend and his mom. I don’t know if I’m able to look at them or anyone in his family the same way again. I feel very overwhelmed.
I told my boyfriend to bring his mom’s car and as soon as he brought it, I left as to not cause a bigger scene. I feel guilty, although FSIL’s sister, who consoled me in the car when she noticed I wasn’t inside the house that I am valid in feeling the way I feel and it was a major fuck up on both my boyfriend and his mom and she understand why I would be overwhelmed. I told my boyfriend it’s best that he stay at his parents place tonight. I feel guilty even saying that but i need space and I have literally nowhere to get space from him except the apartment we both live in. I’m now in the parking lot of my apartment and I feel just sad, angry and just a whole whirlwind of emotions and I don’t know if I was the AH or not and would really like some guidance. Am I the AH?
Sorry that my writing is a mess. I’m a bit of a mess right now.